Transactional An alysis Made Sim ple [628440]

TA Basics

Transactional An alysis Made Sim ple

By Ian Tomlinson

1
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple
Contents

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

Introduction

2
Chapter 1 – Core Principles 3
Chapter 2 – Ego States 5
Chapter 3 – Strokes 9
Chapter 4 – Transactional Analysis Proper 11
Chapter 5 – Time Structuring 15
Chapter 6 – Gam es 19
Chapter 7 – Script 22

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

2
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple
Introduction

I have written this guide to give those new to TA a simple explanation
of the fundamental ideas in TA. This could be useful for you if you
have just started in therapy with a transactional anal ysis
psychotherapi st, if you are starting a TA 101, or if you are interested
in the model and want to explore the basic concepts.

I put this guide together from a series of blog posts I ha ve written.
Whilst it’s gre at to read blo gs it’s not a lways convenient to have
information in that form and if you want to keep the posts and peruse
at your leisure then things get tricky (unless you have an iPad – I’m
jealous !). So here is a nice book that you can print off and read in
bed, in the car, whilst having your hair done (wow – paper is a great
thing and I’m sure it will catch on and become big one day)!

One of the reasons I lo ve TA so much is because it has a great
framework to hang ideas abo ut human personality onto. No one is
pretending it has all the answers. No theoret ical model out there has.
For me it’s a good start though, and it allo ws my poor old addled
brain to start to understand how we humans are wired up and why we
do such peculiar things.

Eric Berne (1910-1970) was the founder of TA and a general all
round g ood egg. He started off as a Psychiatrist and Psychoanal yst,
but, to cut a long story short, got fed up with the slow pace and big
complicated words of psychoanal ysis and created TA instead.
Thanks Er ic, you saved me from having to buy a chaise longue and
smoke a pipe (though I do have a beard and am known to say “tell
me about your father” here and there).

I have put the chapters in a logical order so the information builds on
itself. Reading chapter one should help you under stand chapter two
etc.

I hope you enjoy my guide and invite you to email me at
ian@ma nchesterpsychotherap y.net with feedback and if there is any
way in which I can help you. Enjoy! Ian

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

3
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Chapter 1 – Core Principles

Transactional Analysis is one way of
under standing human personality. It was the
brain child of Eric Berne who trained as a
psychoanal yst but became disillusioned with
the methods he was expected to follow and
wanted a more equal appro ach to the
therap ist/client relationship.

There are three basic phil osophical
assumptions in Transactional Analysis:

1) People are OK. This roles off the tongue
easily but I think it's important to examine what this means. This is
the funda mental acceptance that reg ardless of what you do, no
matter what you think, or despite your feelin gs you are a worthwhile,
valuable per son in your own right. You are special. Everyone is
special. We are all as important as e ach other.

How amazing is that as a first principle?! This principle carries i tself
directly into the therapeut ic relationship between therap ist and
client. We are both equa l. We share the responsibility of cure. To
make sure that b oth therapist and client are sure of what their goal is,
TA therapists work with contracts – a clear written down agreement
between both parties stating the goal of the therapy taking place.

2) We can all think. If we have all got the capacity to think then we
have all got the capacity to work out what we want and work out how
to get there. The therapi st’s job is to support and guide you in this
task but you do not need an yone e lse to decide for you. You know
what's best for you.

For many clients entering therapy it may not feel this way when they
start. Some feel confused and unsure and are lo oking for the
therap ist to tell them what to do. The therap ist will work with the

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

4
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

client on clearing this confusion. It's a bit like wiping condensation off
a mirror so we can see ourselves once more.

3) People decide their own destiny and have the power to
change these dec isions at any time. If we got to where we are
today because of the decisions that we made then it's within our
power to change these decisions. We can be who we want to be and
achieve our goals if that's what we choose to do.

I'm not suggesting that this is always easy. Small chang es may start
the process and build up to larger changes when it feels safe. It's
about ge tting around the barriers to change together. Sometimes
they need kicking down, sometimes we go round them and
sometimes we realise that although they look like they are there,
when we examine them up close, they are not there at all!

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

5
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Chapter 2 – Ego States

Ego State s, Urges and Me

The Apple iPhone 4 will be available to
buy from the 24th June and I am very
excited! I want to run to the nearest Apple
store and get in the Queue already. I
want to hand over my £200 and sign up
for that 2 year contract despite the fact
that when I lo ok at it, when I really think
about i t, the iPhone 4 isn’t really much
different from the iPhone I own now.

For me it’s the same with the Apple
iPad. I have been down to the store and held one in my hands. I
have caressed its smooth, glassy body. I have imagined myself sat
on my sofa, surfing the web like I’ve never surfed before! I realise I
am what’s referred to distastefully on the internet forums as “An
Apple Fan boy”. There is definitely something about their products
that increases my desire to splurge large amounts of my hard earned
cash. What’s going on?

It doesn’t really matter here whether we are talking about an iPhone,
iPad, a new car, a new hand bag, clothes or even tasty chocolate
biscuits. There is something in our human make up that allows us to
become fixated, all be it temporaril y. Most of the time for most people
it’s not a problem provided we stay within the limits of what we can
afford, but what can we do to quell these urges when they threaten or
physical, emotional or financial health?

What can we do to quell these urges when they threaten or physical,
emotional or financial health?

In Transactional Analysis we often look at hu man personality from the
perspective of ego states. The ego state model is useful because is
gives us something to hang our ideas onto. It’s a model of

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

6
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

personality. At the risk of upsetting many TA therap ists, I am going to
boil the ego state model do wn to the simplest level possible (TA
aficionad os are welcome to post comments, please keep the
swearing to a minimum!).

Our thinking, feelings and behaviour can be divided into several
parts. These are known as Parent, Adult and Child ego
states . The normal convention is to capitalise when dis cussing ego
states and use lower case when referring to real parents, adul ts and
childs (I know, it's not a real word but I kinda like it!). The ego state
model I am writing about is r eferred to as the functional model – how
we use the ego states to relate to others and ourselves.

Our Parent ego state
pretty much repeats what
we heard from our
childhood caretakers. It
is full of information from
them a bout how to view
see the world and how to
react to it. This
information can be
Nurturing (NP) or
Controlling (CP). There
are positive and n egative
aspects of Controlling
and Nur turing Parent.

It’s good to have a
Controlling Pare nt to tell
you to stop and check before crossing a road but not so good to h ear
that Controlling Parent in your head all the time telling you that you
are doing things wrong. The Nurturing Parent that allo ws
overindulgence in chocolate (or IPads) can be doing you a disservice,
but the Nurturing Parent that tells you or someone else who has been
working hard to take a break can be very useful.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

7
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Our Adult ego sta te is able to take in the here and now reality of the
situation. It processes information and regul ates most of the things
we do. When we follow instructions or drive a car, our Adult ego
state is happ ily and fruitfully engage d.

Our Child ego state can be compliant and well-mannered or
rebellio us and badly behaved. In TA terms both of these would be
classed as “Adapted Child” (AC) as in both situations we are adapting
to the environment around us, either positively or nega tively. The
other way the Child ego state functions in is called “Free
Child”( FC). The Free Child likes to run barefoot on a sun drenched
beac h, play and la ugh with those nearby, cry when sad, shout when
angry. The free Child is not restricted by what others think.

There are entire books written about ego states, various models and
theori es abo ut how they work or even if they exist at all so if it is a
subject you are interested in I would recommend more research. TA
today by Stuart and Joines would be a good pl ace to start.

So, my Free Child ego state really
wants to buy buy buy! My
Controlling Pare nt is saying in no
uncertain terms that I am not
allowed to splash the cash down the
local Apple store because I can’t
afford it. My Adap ted Child follows
the instructions of the Controlling
Parent and a conflict is set up.

This is a similar thing to what happens when we go on diets. Carole
Rayburn wrote an article in the TAJ explaining the whole seque nce –
I’m goi ng to parap hrase below:

Our Controlling Parent tells us that we are too fat and we need to cut
down on the cakes, sweets, chocolate and other foods that we love to
eat and are bad for us. Our Adapted Child complies but is not very
happy about it. We put up with this for a certain amount of time or
until we reach a target weight. Once we get there things shift. Often

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

8
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

the Rebellious Child clicks in and we go back to our pies, chocolate
or crisps. Before we know it we are back to our original weight and
feel sad that we have failed, yet again to “Control” ourselves.

Carole suggests that the answer is to stop being so hard on our selves
and nurture instead. Our Nurturing Parent needs to team up with our
Child and give permission for the Adult – the sensible part of
ourselves, to regulate our weight. Our Child needs to be soothed by
our Nurturing Parent and belie ve that they are not goi ng to be
depri ved and that there is enough food to go round. Then slowly that
need to shovel food into our faces as if it’s the last ever time we will
be able to have them will subside.

I’m not pretending that this is easy to do. Research by Lister, Rosen
and Wright (1985) examining a group of women using this method to
lose weight sho wed that in the initial stages most put weight on. It
takes time for that Child part of us to feel safe enou gh to take this
new approac h. A good thera pist or counsellor would be able to give
you support and speed up the Child calming process.

References:
Lister, M. Rosen, K. and Wright, A. (1985) 'An Anti-diet Approach to
Weight Loss in a Group Setting'. Transactional Analysis Journal 1 5,
69-72.

Rayburn, C.A. (19 78) 'On the Importance of Self Stroking in Weight
Control'. Transactional Analysis Journal 8, No 3 227-228.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

9
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Chapter 3 – Strokes

Facebook, Twitter and the Stroke Bonanza

I have just rejoi ned Facebook again after a long
time away and alo ng with Twitter and LinkedIn it's
having a surprising effect on me. Lots of
smiles! As a naturally private individual I have
thoug ht long and hard about joining the plethora of
people already involved with social media sites. Over the past few
months though I have made a conscious decision to get out there and
connect with more people.

There's much debate about the ethics of participating on social media
sites as a psychotherapi st. The International Transactional Analysis
Association (ITAA) group on Li nkedIn have been disc ussing this for
the past few weeks and the topic h as seen a range of opi nions put
forward on the morality of it all.

There is no doubt though that social media sites cannot be ignore d.
According to social media experts Brian Halligan and Dharmesh
Shah, there are more than 200 million active users of Facebook with
half of them logging on every day. Its fastest-growing de mographic
of people are those in the 35 years and older category. So why are
they so popular?

In TA terms S ocial media sit es provide a constant and pretty endless
source of strokes. Eric Bern e, the founder of Transactional Analysis
defined a stroke simply as "a unit of recognition".

Here's some facts about strokes:

 Strokes can be physical, e.g. a pat on the back, or verbal, a
quick "hello" or a lengthy conversation.
 Strokes can be conditional; "When you clean your room I think
you're fantastic", or unconditional; "you're fantastic".
 Strokes can be positive "you're great" or negative; "you stink".

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

10
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

As social animals humans crave strokes. We will pretty much do
anything for them. If we can't get positive strokes then negative ones
will do. For most of us, the only thing worse than being treated badly
is being completely ignore d. This explains why solitary confinement
is the worst pun ishment a prisoner can be subjected to and why
children who receive no praise quickly find that beha ving badly gets
them attention.

Both my LinkedIn and Facebook accounts are now regula rly churning
out positive strokes for me and I love it! It's gre at to make contact
daily with people I've known for years and I also love contributing
ideas to discussions on LinkedIn and engaging with peop le I know
less well. I'm finding the exchange of ideas thought pro voking and
can see how social media sit es, with their groups and fan clubs,
provide instant communities and a feeling of bel onging.

In an age when real community is on the wain and relationships
suffer as a result of our busy lives, social media sites can provide a
stroke fix that can be a benefit to us all. I'm pr etty sure that most
people a re sensible enough to realise that face to face relationships
are also very important and should be valued and nurtured and that
can be done if people use social media sites sensibly.

In fact I would arg ue that sites like Facebook and LinkedIn, if used
well, can enha nce our face to face relationships as we communicate
with our friends more freque ntly onlin e. I also acknowledge that e-
safety and b ounda ry issues do raise their heads when using social
media sit es, maybe this is where common sense needs to come into
play?

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

11
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Chapte r 4 – Transactiona l Analysis Proper

How To Shut Your Boss Up In One
Sentence

Now I want to start this p ost by saying
your boss isn't all bad, I mean we are
in the land of I'm OK, you're OK right?

But it has to be said, sometimes (s)he
does go on a bit! So it's only right that
we help out and save a bit of time by trimming the conversation
somewhat. I'm sure you get my drift!

Transactional analysis is not called that for nothing. When we look at
how two people are communicating and breaking it down into each
single transaction to work out what's going o n, we call this
Transactional Analysis Prope r. This chapter is goi ng to outline the
different ways in which we transact and how we can use this
information to manage the transactions we have.

What's to manage you may ask? Well once you under stand how we
communicate with others you have the power to prolo ng
conversations for as long as you like or stop them dead in their
tracks. You want to keep the conversation going with that great
looking girl/guy at the party? No problem! You want your boss to get
off your back so you can get some work done? Just follow the rules
and your wish will come true!

Now the definitions.
A transaction is;

"an exchange of strokes between two persons consisting of a
stimulus and a response between specific ego states".

(Woollams and Brown, 1978)

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

12
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Eric Berne came up with the rules of communication to help us
under stand the different ways in which we can transact with each
other. So hold on to your thinking hat and let's have a look at these
rules:

Rule 1: When transactions are complimentary they can go on
indefinitely. What do es this mean? Well, when we talk to someone
from o ur Parent e go state we may be inviting them to respond from
their Child ego state. If they do, all well and good, the conversation
can progr ess. As long as the Pare nt – Child dialogue continues
without any shift in ego state from either party the conversation can
go on endlessly.

This might look l ike….
A – “Sit down in your seat.”

B – “I don ’t want to.”

A – “You will do as you are
told.”

B – “You’re always telling me
off, I didn ’t do anything.”

A- “Don’t answer me back cheeky boy.”
Etc, etc, etc

Why is this useful to k now? If you are in a situation where you
want to make friends or find out more about someo ne then keep your
transactions complementary. If they invite an Adult response,
respond from your Adult. If they come from Child, play with them and
come from your Child. You’re likely to make a good connection in
this way and in crease the friendly feelings the other person has
towards you.

Rule 2: When transactions are crossed, the conversation cannot
progress. So, when Jenny asks Jim “how are you and Jim repli es
“why do you care?” there’s n ot really anywhere else that conversation

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

13
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

can go without one of the participants shifting ego state. The Adult
question has been crossed with a Child response – game over. It
would be the same in the following example:

Pete – “You’re late again! You
better make the time up!”
(Controlling Parent inviting Child
response)

Paul – “How dare you speak to
me like that? Never shout at me
again!”
(Controlling Parent response)

It’s likely that in this example, Pete would be r ather taken aback and
probably not know how to respond. He would ha ve to reassess the
situation and either change ego state to Child (say sorry maybe) or
push on in Parent. Either way the conversation will stop and start in
a jerky fashion.

Why is this useful to k now? If you want a conversation to stop then
cross the transaction you have just received. Be aware though that
you may pay for doing this. Your relationship with the person you are
talking to will probably suffer. An exception to this is when you
respond to a transaction with intimacy. Action/feeling statements are
great for dong this and in vite intimacy from the other person. This
then is the key to shutting that boss of yours up. If you are getting fed
up of the ranting, j ust cross the transaction and wait for the confusion
to spread across his face – but be careful, it might be a quick route to
the dole queue!

Rule 3: In an Ulterior transaction, it is the psychological
messa ge that is heard. An ulterior transaction is when we say one
thing but mean another. It’s the other message that gets picked up.

The most well known example is “want to come in for coffee?” after a
night out with a new partner. That invite is unl ikely to be about

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

14
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

discussing the richness of mocha (un less you’re Tom Hanks in
“Big”).

Salesmen are great at using
ulterior transactions. “it’s very
expens ive” is a great way of
closing a sale with customers
who have an issue around
seeming cheap. They will hear
the ulterior “you can’t afford it”
and respond from Child,
buying the item to prove that
they can.

Why is this useful to know? When someone h as just used an
ulterior transaction you are likely to hear the message and feel the
ulterior. This is where your intuition clicks in. Give yourself
permission to listen to your intuition; it may save you from doing
something that is against your interest. If you are a salesman, you
can use this technique to sell more widgets – do it ethically though
eh?!

Knowing the three rules of communication can help greatly with
getting our message across to other people. They give us the power
to manage communication, to stop conversations that a ren’t going the
way we want them to and to build relationships successfully with
others.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

15
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Chapter 5 – Time Structuring

The Fear Of Boredom – How We
Manage Time

How do you manage your time? Are you
any good at it? Well, according to TA
theory there are six main ways in which
we keep ou rselves OK when dealing with
time. Each method has i ts advantages
and d isadvantages. Many of them we do
simply to be recognised as an OK human
being.

Why am I telling you all of this and what does it have to do with the
fact that you feel angry/sad/scared/happy about thin gs that are going
on in your life at the moment? Well one of the ways in which we
manage time is by playing games. Game theory is so interesting and
significant in our lives that I'm goi ng to write a chapter on it all by
itself. This chapter is there to give you the background and explain
where it fits in with the rest of the theory.

Time structuring is an important subject in TA and one that I find
fascinating and poignan t. I'm rubb ish at dealing with boredom. I also
like to be stimulated by what I'm doing and so when forced to go to
meetings that are dull or training courses when I already know the
material I get very fidget y. Berne explained this by saying that human
beings l ike to avoid the "pain of bore dom". We have to structure our
time to avoid it and he called this "structure hunge r". He went on to
say that what we are really after is stimulation in the form of strokes
so we have to set up situations so we can get them. A stroke is seen
in TA terms as "a unit of recognition".

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

16
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

The six ways in which we manage our time are (from lowest
emotional risk to the highest)…….

Withdrawal
We all withdraw at times in our lives and it can be a great way to
process our thoug hts and work things out for ourselves. When we
withdraw we are getting no strokes from an yone else. If we withdraw
for too long or too often we can become stroke deprived and this
might lead to lonel iness or depression. Withdrawal puts no demands
on us to be intimate and so there is no emotional risk involved.

Rituals
A ritual is carried out when we exchange str okes in a predictable way.
When we walk passed our colleague at work and say "Hi, how are
you?" we are engaging in a ritual. Qu ite often we are not actually
enquiring as to how the other person is and they know this, so the
exchange may go:
Bob: "Hi, how are you?"
Mary: "Good thanks, and you?"
Bob: "I'm gre at thanks."

The exchange will most likely go like this whilst both parties carry on
walking and even though B ob is really feeling very worried about the
report he has to get in by 5pm that day and Mary has a banging
headache that she can't shake. What they are really doing is
acknowledging e ach other's existence and e xchanging low grade
strokes.

A great way to illustrate this is to remember how you felt when you
said "hi" to someone and received nothing b ack. Most of us feel very
put out! We ask ourselves "why didn't she say hello?" and usually
spend a few minutes mulling it over. We have given a stroke and the
ritual is to get one back. When people don't follow these unspoken
rules it evokes feelings in us.

Rituals are a great way to get maintenance strokes but don't really
give us much more than that. Human beings need higher quali ty

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

17
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

strokes in order to feel OK, so if these are the only strokes someone
is getting it is likely that they are going to feel lonely and fed up.

Past imes
When you go to a party and do n't really know the other people there
what do you talk about? There are certain subjects that feel safe and
that are easy to engage others with. Examples include politics, sport,
music, fashion, or if you're Engli sh, our favourite, the weather!

When we pastime we are merely exchanging strokes with others. We
are not trying to solve anything. There is a semi-rigid set of unspoken
rules in place and if they get br oken (for example, one party
becoming intimate or thinking about how a problem can be solved)
the pastiming stops. Pastiming is a great way to get to know others
and it helps us decide who we want to get closer to and who we want
to avoid.

Activities
We are carrying out an activity when we are dir ecting our energy
towards external sources. I ha ve managed to al leviate my boredom
right now by typing this chapter. My hope is that you are avoiding
boredom by readi ng it (though I' sure some would disagree!).

Hobbie s, jobs, cleaning the house – these are all activities and they
can be a great source of strokes. When we get pra ise for the good
work we have done or th at shiny big trophy for coming first in the
spagh etti eating competition it feels great! So does being paid at the
end of the month.

Negati ve strokes are also available in the form of tellings off by the
boss or criticism from our work colleges. Remember the rules of
stroking thoug h. Negative strokes are better than none. Activates
usually provide us with a rich source of other people to engage in
other forms of time structuring can be carried out, from withdrawal all
the way to intimacy.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

18
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Rackets and Games
Berne defines a game as "an ongoing series of complementary
transactions which lead to a well-defined predictable outcome".

Games are so important to TA theory that they warrant a chapter all
of their own. It's important to note that when we play games with
others (and I ain't talking tiddly winks) we can produce large
quant ities of intense strokes. These strokes often start off positive
and then become negati ve as the game progr esses and we get our
payoff.

Intimacy
Here it is – what we are all after. The most risky and the most
rewarding of all the ways of structuring time.

Being intimate with another requ ires that we are open and honest and
we exchange strokes with another without any hidden a genda and
completely in the here and now. There is no other form of time
structuring going on and we are not looking to exploit the other
individual or set something up for later.

Intimacy can be positive or negative and results in true feelings in the
free Child ego state. Sometimes it does not involve words at all and it
does not j ust occur with those that you love. You can be intimate with
anyone but it does feel a great deal safer with those that you have
built a strong relationship with.

Someone who believes themselves and others to be OK is much
more likely to be intimate than a person who belie ves themselves or
others to be not O K. Because it feels r isky, many people are scared
of intimacy and seek their strokes through one of the above methods
instead.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

19
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Chapter 6 – Gam es

TA Game theory

Have you ever said to yourself "I can't
belie ve this h as happened to me
again!" or "why does th is always
happen to me"? If so, there are high
chances you have been in volved in
playing what's known in the TA world
as a game.

We all play games. We play them often. Eric Berne famously said "do
not ask whether you are playing a game, ask which game you are
playing".

If we can spot our games and nip them in the bud we can move
towards intimacy with the people around us and be more contented
as a result. The last chapter looked at how us humans structure our
time. Berne observed that hu mans hate to be bored and will carry out
one of six methods for avoiding it. Playing games is one of those
methods.

Games de serve a whole chapter to themselves because they
are interesting, important and demand a fair bit of explana tion.

What is a game?
Woolla ms and Brown* (1978) define games as:

"A series of duplex transactions which leads to a switch and a well-
defined, predictable payoff which justifies a not-OK, or discounted,
position".

Let's have a look at what that actually means. Fi rstly, what's a duplex
transaction? A duplex transaction (also known as an ulterior, see
chapter 4, rule 3) is where we say one thing and mean another.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

20
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Only about 8% of our communication is through words, the rest is
throug h, tone, body language and facial expressions. Berne observed
that whene ver we say one thing (the social message) and mean
another (the psychologi cal massage), it's always the psychological
message that gets heard. A classic example might be the old "do you
want to came in for a coffee?" at the end of a date. The social
message is abo ut coffee, the psychological message is about sex.

So we tend to open games with duplex transactions, not saying what
we really mean, scared that the intimacy involved will get us reje cted
or hurt. Usually then, the game will proceed to deliver us some
positive strokes until the "switch" clicks in.

The switch is the point at which things suddenly feel like they are
going wrong. It's the point at which we may feel confused, scared,
angry, or whatever our racket feeling usually is. This usually leads
quickly to us taking a "payoff". This is a confirmation that whatever
negati ve (untrue) though ts we have held on to about life are true.

Let's give an example of a game and take it apa rt using the langua ge
introduced above. Le t's take the common game "Yes, But".

This is where one person has a problem and another person is
invited to solve it. Everything the other person suggests is rejected
with a "Yes, I could do that, but..(insert reason for not doing that)".
We all know people who play this. We may even play it ourselves.

Whilst it may appe ar the player is asking for help on the social level,
what they are really doing on the psychological le vel is proving that
they can't be helped and no one else can control them. The switch
comes when the other person gives up trying. The payoff for the
player is proof that no one can help them e ven though they remain
passive. This may be accompanied by feelings of sadness or anger,
the feelings that the player learnt were acceptable to caregivers as a
child.

The other player in this ga me may feel helple ss and frustrated that
they have been u nable to help the starter of the game – these

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

21
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

feelin gs are likely to be very familiar too and reinforce a belief that
they are not a very good friend, problem solver, therapist, etc. It takes
two to play a game.

Why do we play games?
Games are a way in which we can get strokes without r isking
intimacy and confirm our beliefs (mostly wrongly held on es) about l ife.

How do we stop playing games?
The first thing we need to do is identify what games we are playing.
Ask yourself what patterns keep emerging in your life? What
predi ctable events occur? What feelings do you often end up having?
A good TA therapist will speed up this pro cess dra matically because
we play games out of awarene ss. They will be able to spot the games
and bring them i nto the light where you can chew them over and
decide whether you want to keep on playing or you choose to do
things differently, avoiding the negative payoff along the way.

In this chapter I ha ve barely scraped the surface of this interesting
and deep theory. If it's a topic you want to find more out about, I
suggest you read Games People Play: The Psychology of Human
Relationships, the book Eric Berne wrote just about this fascinating
subject.

Reference:
* Woollams,S and Brown, M (197 8). Transactional Analysis. Huron
Valley Institute Press.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

22
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Chapter 7 – Script

Do We Choo se Our Own
Destiny?

Script is often compared to
destiny or fate by those who
misunde rstand this Transactional
Analysis idea. So what does a
TA therapist mean by script?

As we grow up, we observe the
world and work out how we can survive it. We make decisions when
we are young that can stay with us for the rest of our lives unle ss we
challenge these beliefs when we are adults and learn to do things
differently.
Script is:

"A life plan based on decisions which limit a person's abil ity to
problem solve and relate intimately with peopl e".
(Erskine, R. 1980).

One of the main roles of a TA psychotherapi st is to challenge script
belie fs in their clients and help them move towards autonomy.

Many of the decisions that we make about the world are made
completely out of our awarene ss and for good reason.
For example, if, as a child, Bob is punished every time he cries, he
learns very quickly not to cry or show emotions. He may develop a
script beli ef that men shouldn 't cry and feel uncomfortable around
men who show their emotions and find it difficult to deal with his own
when things g et tough in his pe rsonal life.

His script d ecision has kept him safe as a child and was a great way
of surviving, but as an adult he is not in danger if he shows his
emotions and his inability to do so may well cause difficulty between
him and his pa rtner who feels he is cold and remote from her.

http://Manchesterpsychotherapy.net

23
TA Basics – Transactional analysis made simple

Bob's therapist may well bring Bob's script beli efs arou nd emotions
into his a warene ss where they can both discuss where they
origina ted from and how they can be changed if that's what Bob
wants.

The result of changing these beliefs for Bob might be a better
relationship with his partner, who feels closer to him, and a reduction
in stressful feelin gs as Bob now realises it's OK to feel sad and
scared and is able to talk abo ut these feelings more easily with
people he trusts.

And that's the key to script – we made the decisions so we can
change them. We have that po wer.

By having our script beliefs broug ht into our awareness and
challeng ing those that limit us we have the opportunity to lead more
spontaneo us, flexible and intimate lives.

We choose our own destiny. Our fate is in our own hands. A good
therap ist helps us realise our dreams that bit quicker.

References:
Erskine, R, Script Cure: Beha vioral, Intrapsychic and Physiologi cal.
Transactional Analysis Journal , 1980, 10 (2) 102-106.