Shahnaz Bahman, Helen Maffini Developing Childrens Emotional Intelligence (continuum Education) Continuum (2008) [613132]

Developing Children’s Emotional
Intelligence

Also available from Continuum
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Behavioural, Emotional and Social Difficulties – Janet Kay
Handbook of Social, Emotional and Behavioural Difficulties – Morag Hunter-Carsch,
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Available from Network Continuum7 Successful Strategies to Promote Emotional Intelligence in the Classroom –
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Emotional Intelligence and Enterprise Handbook – Cheryl Buggy
Pocket PAL: Emotional Intelligence – Steve Bowkett

Developing
Children’s
Emotional
Intelligence
Shahnaz Bahman and Helen Maffini

Continuum International Publishing Group
The Tower Building 80 Maiden Lane, Suite 704
11 York Road New York,
London SE1 7NX NY 10038
www.continuumbooks.com
#Shahnaz Bahman and Helen Maffini 2008
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by
any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or any information storage
or retrieval system, without prior permission in writing from the publishers.
Shahnaz Bahman and Helen Maffini have asserted their right under the Copyright, Designs and
Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as Author of this work.
British Library Cataloguing-in-Publication Data
A catalogue record for this book is available from the British Library.
ISBN: 978 0 82649 9 745 (paperback)
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Bahman, Shahnaz.
Developing children’s emotional intelligence / Shahnaz Bahman and Helen Maffini.
p. cm.
Includes bibliographical references.
ISBN 978-0-8264-9974-5
1. Learning, Psychology of. 2. Classroom environment. 3. Emotional intelligence–Activity
programs. I. Maffini, Helen. II. Title.
LB1060.B34 2008
370.15’34–dc22
2008019065
Typeset by YHT Ltd, London
Printed and bound in Great Britain by Cromwell Press, Wiltshire

Acknowledgement
Many thanks to:
Our editor, Alison Clark for all her encouragement and support throughout the
process of writing this book
Gareth Dewar for his help in proof reading the book
Josh Freedman for his endorsement of this bookAlison Lever for her support during the writing process
Heidi Arnold, Charmaine D’Costa, Yousra Ahmed, Stephanie, Maha Younes and
Nadia Mohamed for their feedback and reflections
The many children who inspired us and helped us to improve the activities in this
book
Dedication
I dedicate this book to my mother Frances, whom I miss dearly. She taught me to
have empathy and to be compassionate, a gift I hope to pass on to my own daughters,Alexandra and Francesca. I would like to thank my husband Giampaolo for all his
love and support
Helen Maffini
To my daughter Eman and my son Hussein for being who they are, making me proud
every day, and to my husband Adel for always being there to support me along life’s
beautiful road
Shahnaz Bahman

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Contents
Preface ix
1The Big Picture 1
2Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Teacher 6
3Creating a Positive Learning Environment 18
4Setting the Stage for Learning 29
5Stress Relief 35
6Class Meetings 42
7Journal Writing 48
8Storytelling 56
9Powerful Poetry 62
10EQ through Songs and Music 69
11EQ through Drama 74
12EQ through Art 80
13Projects that Matter 87
14Home–School Links 94
15The Power of Reflection 101
16The Art of Observation 107
17Where to Start 114
References 117
Appendix: Emotional Literacy Bank 121
Index 124

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Preface
We wrote this book with the hope that we could share some of our experiences of
teaching emotional intelligence to children in a practical and stimulating manner thatcan easily be integrated into most classrooms.
We are both passionate about the subject and believe the first step in educating
any child must be to create a feeling of safety, security and wellbeing. Only then will
true learning take place.
We met each other by chance three years ago when Helen moved to Bahrain.
Immediately finding common ground on many educational issues, we began working
on several projects, including this book! We were fortunate to be able to travel toseveral international conferences together to present some of the ideas in this book.
A deep friendship resulted, and although we now live in different countries, we
are still collaborating via the internet, phone calls and the occasional visit.
In this book, we will look at the different tools that you as teachers or educators
can use to help children enhance their emotional intelligence. The tools are practical
and have all been tried and tested. We have added a teacher’s reflection whenever
possible to throw more light on their application and outcomes.
The first chapter examines the term Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and its back-
ground. An introduction follows of how to develop your EQ skills as a teacher. Anemotionally intelligent teacher is a great asset to the whole teaching and learningexperience. Such teachers can have a great and positive impact upon the lives of the
children they teach. The next section is about creating a positive learning environ-
ment, without which all attempts will fail as, if children do not feel safe, secure and
interested in what we do, there will be a negative impact upon learning. The rest ofthe book is dedicated to the tools and strategies that teachers can use to enhance
children’s EQ. After reading the first three chapters, you may choose to dip in and
out of chapters to gather ideas, there is no need to read the book sequentially beyondthose chapters. Clear guidelines and stimulating hands-on activities enrich the book
and help to make the learning experience a worthwhile one. An EQ theory linksection follows, where we relate the activities to Goleman’s (1995) framework of EQ
components.
Throughout the book we have used the term him, his or he to simplify, but we
mean both male and female children. All the activities we suggest are suitable forboys or girls. We have also chosen to use the term EQ for emotional intelligence,although the use of EI is also interchangeable with the term emotional intelligence.
We hope that the ideas introduced in this book will help to make a difference in

children’s lives and further help children achieve success both in school and in their
lives outside the classroom. Our contribution to the children’s world might be small,
but we are doing it with great love. As Mother Teresa said, ‘We cannot do greatthings in this life, but we can do small things with great love.’
We would love to hear of any ideas you would like to share.Please contact us:Helen Maffini: ghmaffini@hotmail.com or ghmaffini@gmail.com
Shahnaz Bahman: shahnazbahman@hotmail.com
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence x

The Big Picture 1
Teaching and learning are about problem solving. Education is the process by which
you put teachers and learners in the best possible environment for them to do this
together.
Dennis Littky
The only really substantial thing education can do is help us to become continuous,
life-long learners.
Dennis Littky
All learning has an emotional base.
Plato
The challenges children face
It is difficult not to feel concerned about what children go through in these busy
times on so many different levels. Some face great challenges from issues that notonly hinder their academic achievement but also, in extreme cases, can challenge
their basic survival.
A glance at the world news reveals a long list of difficult situations: child abuse,
high divorce rates, child pregnancy, drug addictions, illnesses related to body image,violence, suicide and bullying, to name a few. Society needs to consider what
responsibility educators have in making a difference in the lives of children. Can we
equip children with the knowledge and skills that they need to be successful in life?Or, on the other hand, is school only about the teaching of academic subjects? What
goals should a school be working towards?

What should schools focus on?
Reflecting on school performance and taking into account the huge pressures that
they face in all aspects of their operations, the main focus for many schools hasbecome academic progress, the curriculum, meeting standards in different subjects,
finishing the textbook, gathering evidence of achievement, carrying out tests and
exams, calculating grades and writing reports. Many schools hold teachers accoun-table only for the academic achievement of their students, and place little or no
emphasis on the social and emotional growth of these children.
What about the whole child? What about the development of the skills that these
children need in order to manage themselves effectively and to go forward in life?
What about the development of their emotional and social skills? McCown, Freed-man, Jensen and Rideout (1998: ix) suggest that ‘Education has given little sys-tematic attention to the positive emotional development of children’. We believethat all children deserve to be taught emotional intelligence skills in their daily schoollife.
Why EQ?
Developing children’s emotional intelligence can play a great role not only in their
character growth, but in their academic learning as well. There is now a growing bodyof research that shows that children’s academic performance improves when socialand emotional factors are dealt with explicitly (Petrides, Frederickson, Furnham,2004). In fact, current research corroborates that success is as much as 70–80 percent based on emotional intelligence. In fact, even ‘objective’ statistics derived fromSAT tests and IQ scores draw parallels with emotional intelligence (McCown et al.,
1998). Elias, Arnold and Hussey (2003: 4) find that without EQ development,
schools cannot prepare children for academic and real-life success. They go on to saythat ‘EQ is the missing piece in true reform of education and preparation of students
for academic and real life success’.
To provide a sound education for children and equip them with the right skills
and tools that enable them to enhance their academic achievements and real-lifeskills, schools need to go beyond academics and pay serious attention to developing
children’s emotional intelligence. Elias et al. (2003: 4) state that ‘Schools that see as
their mission the joint and synergistic development of EQ+IQ must become thestandard of education.’
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 2

What is EQ? How can it be developed in
children?
The concept of emotional intelligence is not new. Howard Gardner referred to
interpersonal intelligence and intrapersonal intelligence in his theory of multipleintelligences presented in his book Frames of Mind (1983). However, Peter Salovey
of Yale University and Jack Mayer of the University of New Hampshire were thefirst to use the term Emotional Intelligence, while they were researching the factors
behind effective functioning in society (Mayer and Salovey, 1997). It was DanielGoleman in his book Emotional Intelligence (1995), who brought the concept to the
general public.
Various authors define emotional intelligence differently, and research continues
to refine the concept of EQ. Some of the existing definitions are very scientific. We
find that the most practical definition comes from Six Seconds, a global EQ orga-nization, that says ‘Emotional intelligence is consciously choosing thoughts, feelingsand actions to get optimal results in your relationships with yourself and others’(Freedman and Jensen, 2005).
Goleman (1995) explains the five domains of emotional intelligence:
1. Knowing one’s emotions: Self-awareness is the keystone of emotional intelligence. It is the ability
to recognize feelings as they happen in real-life situations.
2. Managing emotions: Handling feelings appropriately is an ability that builds on self-awareness. It
is being able to manage strong feelings so that we can soothe ourselves, maintain balance and
not be overwhelmed or paralyzed by them.
3. Motivating oneself: Self-motivation and mastery is about being goal-oriented, keeping focused
and channelling emotions toward desired results. It leads to being highly effective and
productive.
4. Recognizing emotions in others: Empathy is the fundamental people skill. It means being able to
recognize emotions in others and understand others’ point of view.
5. Handling relationships: Managing emotions in others is the art of relationships. It is the ability to
handle a range of social relationships and to interact smoothly with others.
Emotional development in early childhood
Researchers have advanced the work on emotional development over the last two
decades. Henniger (1999) wrote ‘Emotional development in young children consists
of a gradual growth in the ability to recognize, label and appropriately respond to
The Big Picture 3

their feelings. Each of these steps is important to their emotional health and must be
learned through repeated interactions with others’ (p. 340). Nabuzoka and Smith
(1995) found that the capacity to recognize and comprehend emotions develops, aswe grow older. They indicate children as young as three can identify sadness, hap-
piness and fear via non-verbal indications, body language, gestures such as facial
expression and tone of voice.
The National Research Council and Institute of Medicine (2000) illustrates that
the essential developments of healthy, stimulating interactions in early childhood
should include the concepts of contingency and reciprocity. Contingency and reci-procity describes when the relationship between young children and their caregiversare harmonious with each other so caregivers can deduce children’s emotional signalsand react in an appropriate way to meet the child’s needs.
Caregivers in preschools and daycares can stimulate emotional growth through
everyday classroom activities. By carefully planning a curriculum that encourages
children to explore their feelings through imaginative media and make-believe play,
healthy emotional growth can occur.
Emotional development in elementary school
Two decades of research has shown us that children’s emotional and social skills
connect to their academic achievements. For many children, academic achievementin the elementary years appears to build on a firm foundation of children’s emotional
and social skills (Ladd, Kochenderfer and Coleman, 1997). Teachers who are aware
of these links can do more to enable them. Jensen (2005) informs us that emotionaldevelopment continues as children develop more of an interest in social sensibilities
and friendships. As teachers, we need to capture these opportunities to developchildren’s emotional intelligence.
Teachers need to realize the power of emotions and how this can affect children’s
retention of information. Worksheets and textbooks full of facts are not going tostimulate many emotions from this age group. Elementary school children are curiousand ready to explore the real world. Hands-on activities, re-enactments, discussions
and artistic expression tend to enhance the emotional connections to the curriculumand are excellent tools for children in the six to ten age ranges.
The Collaborative for Academic, Social, Emotional Learning (CASEL, 2007)
indicate that in relation to Goleman’s (1995) framework children of Elementary
school age should be able to do the following in relation to each aspect:
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 4

.Self-awareness: children of this age group should be able to identify and accurately name basic
emotions such as happiness, sadness and anger.
.Self-management: we expect children to be able to explain the procedure of establishing and
working towards their own goals.
.Social awareness: we expect children to be able to recognize verbal, physical and situational
signals suggesting how others feel.
.Relationship skills: children should be able to explain methods to building and maintaining
friendships.
What can teachers do to support this
emotional development?
We have adapted this list of suggestions from Dettore and Cleary (1997/98).
1. Recognize children’s emotional responses as valid
2. Model suitable expressions of emotion3. Display empathy
4. Provide children the required time, space and materials to explore emotional challenges
5. Assist children to expand their verbal skills in order to cope with difficult circumstances
6. Support children as they build connections with their prior experiences in order to manage new
challenges
Recommended reading
Elias, M. J., Arnold, H. and Hussey, C. S. (2003) EQ+IQ; Best Leadership Practices
for Caring and Successful Schools . Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Ellison, L. (2001) The Personal Intelligenc es. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Gardner, H. (1983) Frames of Mind; The Theory of Multiple Intelligences. New York:
Basic Books.
Goleman, D. (1995) Emotional Intelligence . New York: Bantam.
McCown, K. S., Freedman, J. M., Jensen, A. L. and Rideout, M. C. (1998) Self
Science; The Emotional Intelligence Curriculum . San Mateo, CA: Six Seconds.
The Big Picture 5

Becoming an Emotionally
Intelligent Teacher 2
When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotion.
Dale Carnegie
What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches.
Karl Menninger
A tale of two classrooms
Ms Walker and Ms Parker’s classrooms were across the hall from each other, yet they
couldn’t have been further apart in terms of being emotionally intelligent classrooms.
Ms Walker always had a smile for her students and a welcoming gesture. If a child
looked a bit down, she would take them aside and talk with them with respect and
kindness. She was aware of her tone of voice, her eye movement and posture, andtheir effects on her students. Ms Walker was a teacher who cared about her studentsboth in and out of the classroom. Ms Parker, on the other hand, believed that her job
was to cover the curriculum. She could not tolerate noise in the classroom or chil-
dren acting silly and misbehaving. Ms Parker was a teacher whose students felt afraidof her. At times, they even felt scared to speak up in her classroom.
A child, Lizzie, in Ms Walker’s class was going through the divorce of her parents.
Lizzie started to withdraw and act quietly. Ms Walker quietly spoke to Lizzie in amanner that allowed her to open up. She took books out of the library for Lizzie
about divorce and encouraged her to write about her feelings in a journal. Ms Walkerkept in touch with both Lizzie’s parents to make sure they understood the impact on

Lizzie. Lizzie knew in her heart that Ms Walker was always there if she needed to
talk to someone.
Across the hall in Ms Parker’s class, Ben’s mother had just had twins. Ms Parker
however, was only mildly aware of the fact, not wishing to ‘get involved’ in mattersthat had nothing to do with her. This morning she had shouted at Ben, telling him
that lately he had not been doing his homework properly. She hadn’t realized theemotions he was experiencing and the lack of time his mother had for him with two
newborns in the house. Ben felt embarrassed and angry when she shouted at him and
withdrew from participating in the class that day. The more Ms Parker belittled him,the worse he felt. He stopped doing his homework altogether as he knew Ms Parkerwould not be happy with his work even if he tried.
Ms Walker had read up on emotional intelligence and how important it was for
children to feel safe, secure and nurtured before true learning could take place. In Ms
Parker’s class on the other hand children sometime were ‘emotionally hijacked’ whenshe shouted furiously at them, or glared at a child for forgetting his homework. You
as teachers have a profound effect on children’s life. We might not always remember
what we learnt in school, but we can’t forget those affectionate teachers who tou-ched our hearts and soul. If it weren’t for those teachers, perhaps we wouldn’t havewritten this book. ‘One looks back with appreciation to brilliant teachers, but with
gratitude to those who touched our human feelings.’ (Jung as cited in Ellison, 2001)
In this chapter, we shall discuss the characteristics of an emotionally intelligent
teacher, adapting the framework Goleman introduced in 1995. We shall look into
the five domains of self-awareness, managing emotions, motivating oneself, recog-
nizing emotion in others and handling relationships.
Self-awareness
Self-awareness is the cornerstone in developing any teacher’s emotional intelligence.
‘This awareness of emotions is the fundamental emotional competence on which
others such as emotional self-control is built’ (Goleman, 1995: 51). Self-awareness is
knowing what is happening and how we think and feel about it, rather than beingimmersed in a situation and not knowing we are in it at the time. As Goleman
(1995:51) states, ‘Self awareness in short means being aware of both our mood and
our thoughts about the mood’.
Developing self-awareness is a vital skill for teachers. When you have good self-
knowledge, you can better understand your students, and when you understand your
students, you can definitely teach them better.
Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Teacher 7

Knowing my students and my subject depends heavily on self-knowledge. When I
don’t know myself, I cannot know who my students are. I will see them through a
glass darkly. In the shadows of my unexamined life – and when I cannot see them
clearly, I cannot teach them well. (Palmer, 1998:2)
However, the danger lies in the fact that whether we have good or poor self-
awareness, we reflect that back on our students. We are always under our students’
magnifying glasses, where they look at us closely while we are carried away with allthe tasks at hand. We exude our emotions and thoughts to our students’ whether weare aware of it or not. ‘We are teaching one thing or another all of the time, becausewe are constantly radiating what we are’ (Covey, 1992: 126).
The children in our classes don’t always learn what we want them to learn from
us. We often hear teachers complaining that children don’t listen to what they say. In
fact, children learn from what we do much more than what we say as Childre (1996:11) wrote so eloquently ‘what we are teaches the child far more than what we say, sowe must be what we want our children to become’.
Consequently, if we want to teach children to be emotionally intelligent, we first
need to beemotionally intelligent. If we want them to have good self-awareness, we
need to have good self-awareness. Ellison (2001: 16) sums it up with this statement‘I cannot give what I don’t have. My success with students depends on my ownpersonal intelligence.’
Developing self-awareness
Self-awareness involves a set of sub-skills. That is, recognition of feelings, under-
standing how these feelings impact on us, and being able to use that knowledge tomanage the feelings effectively, for example by choosing to act more positively
(Sharp, 2001).
When we don’t have self-awareness we can easily fall into the trap of being what
Goleman (1995) calls ‘emotionally hijacked’. That is when we are not aware of howwe feel and we are caught up in strong reactive acts. It is evident that the less self-
aware we are, the more likely we are to be emotionally hijacked. We have all seen
examples of situations when fellow teachers lose control over their feelings. In somecases, this loss of control ends up severely affecting children’s well-being.
One way of developing your self-awareness is through observing yourself in
different situations. Keeping a journal can be a good idea, where you can reflect on
your feelings and see how self-aware you are. Journaling is a tool that takes time to
see benefits. Reflection and other skills that come from journaling are beneficial to
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 8

teachers as they start to realize what triggers their emotions and how to ensure they
best manage the situations when they feel emotionally stressed.
Another idea is to observe our physical status. Our bodies communicate to us all
the time. Scanning our bodies mentally to see how we feel in different situations canbe very informative. For example, how do you feel when something disturbing
happens in class? What happens to your facial expression, your heartbeat, does yourskin colour flush and do you start fidgeting? Your body gives you precious information
that you shouldn’t neglect. By watching yourself in different situations over a period
of time you develop the habit of being self-aware.
Here are some questions that you can ask yourselves to boost your self-awareness:How do I generally feel about my profession?How do I feel about school?
What about the subject(s) I teach?
How about my students?What makes me feel good at school?
What pushes me to the edge?
Do I really have good level of self-awareness?In situations that disturb me do I have good self-control or am I easily emotionally
hijacked?
By getting into the habit of asking ourselves questions that enhance our self-
awareness, observing our feelings and reactions to different situations, we can help
improve our self-awareness. Once this cornerstone is in place then many other skillswill fall into place more smoothly.
Managing emotions
Managing emotions has to do with our ability to handle our feelings appropriately. As
we mentioned above, a teacher’s lack of self-awareness can result in mismanagingemotions, which leads to unsatisfactory results. It is likely that at times we all havebeen in situations where we get overwhelmed with negative emotions in oureveryday school life. These emotions can range from frustration, anger, stress, fear,anxiety, or even feeling so miserable that we push ourselves to get up in the morningand come to school. Going through negative emotions is a normal process and as
Goleman (1995: 63) puts it, ‘Downs as well as ups spice life’, but adds ‘but need to
be in balance.’ Balance is the key word here. What can we as teachers do to staybalanced or perhaps to feel excited, happy and full of joy and energy most of thetime? When we consider that we spend one third of our lives at school and that we
Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Teacher 9

are in a profession that makes or breaks the lives of the children, should we not strive
for the highest target possible!
To start with, thoughts and feelings are very much interrelated. In other words,
the way we perceive things affects how we feel about them. Consequently, if wechange our perception our feelings will change accordingly. Change in our thoughts
and feelings will lead to changes in our attitude and behaviour. Robin Sharma in The
Monk Who Sold his Ferrari said ‘If you want to live a more peaceful, meaningful life,
you must think more peaceful meaningful thoughts.’
When we are in school, we might sometimes feel like we are in a never-ending
cycle, as teaching is a very busy, multitasking job. Our profession involves the con-
sumption of a lot of mental and emotional energy. In other words, we are on themove all the time. We do not have much time, if any, to pause and relax or enjoy a bit
of total silence. Our brain works through all kinds of issues from covering the cur-
riculum to dealing with social problems to making sure an extracurricular activity isprepared. Therefore, we need to de-junk our brains and to feel balanced again. We
can accomplish this through meditation, yoga, prayer or deep breathing. It is highly
beneficial to take a few minutes off and be in total silence, sitting quietly in a cleanbeautiful place, even if this place is in your mind! If your school has a garden, you cantake a few minutes off just by having a calm, relaxing short walk, or eating your lunch
in relaxing surroundings. These few minutes of a break away from the hectic life of
the school can pay off greatly and can help you feel energized, refreshed and ready tomeet your students with a welcoming heart and a nice smile rather than a frowningface. This is highly recommended, especially when you are in situations that causeyou to have negative emotions such as stress, fatigue, disappointment or frustration.
In schools, things do not always go as planned or expected. As teachers, we
experience many situations that might trigger our anger. The danger with anger lies in
not having enough self-awareness, so one might climb the escalator of anger withoutbeing aware of one’s emotions. The level of anger keeps rising until it reaches a peakwhere we get emotionally hijacked and act in a way that we might regret later. Oneeffective way of managing anger is to choose to pause and to walk away from thesituation, cool down in any way you can, such as drinking some water, going for ashort walk, changing the topic, or distracting yourself in any way found to beappropriate in that specific situation. When things have cooled down, then you canthink of different options that can solve the problem and choose the most appro-priate one.
The words we use in our daily life have great influence on how we feel. There is a
direct relationship between the language we use and the programming of our brain.Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) has become a popular science and it has a lot
to offer us. Learning NLP makes one more conscious about the way we think and the
language we use. Selecting more positive than negative words can have great impact
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 10

on our emotions. A good way to see the number of positive or negative words you use
is to record yourself in class. Make a list of all the negative words, and see if you can
replace them with ones that are more positive. Such practices can have incredibleeffects on not only your feelings as a teacher but also on the children as every word
you say can negatively or positively affect all the children present in the class. Words
are very powerful and play great role in making us who we are. Mahatma Ghandi putit beautifully when he said, ‘Keep my words positive, words become my behaviour,
keep my behaviour positive, behaviour becomes my habits, keep my habits positive,
habits become my values, keep my values positive, values become my destiny’.
Self-motivation
We all have dreams. We all have goals to achieve, but the way we march towards
these goals might vary greatly among individuals. What comes into play here are ouremotions as well as our intellect. Self-motivated people march faster and more
enthusiastically towards their goals than the ones who lack self-motivation. On their
journey towards reaching their destination self-motivated individuals like everybody
else come across some bumps, but they do not get defeated by obstacles. Stress or
frustration doesn’t overwhelm them. They see problems as learning opportunities;
they solve their problems and continue their journey of achieving their targets. When
things go off track, they don’t blame themselves. They don’t label themselves as
failures, instead they see the cause to be an area or a strategy that didn’t work andthey think of doing things differently, following other strategies to make things work.They live with positive attitudes and feel hopeful. While working they manage toreach a level of what Goleman (1995) calls ‘flow’, which is a state of ‘self-forgetness’
as a result of being engrossed in the task at hand. At this stage, they achieveexcellence effortlessly. For self-motivators, achieving targets is an indispensable joy.They are determined to reach their destination, but if their goals seem to beunrealistic they are flexible enough to change or modify them, drawing up new plans
to reach them. For this group of teachers, teaching becomes a passion not just a
profession.
Such teachers are indispensable assets to their schools. They have an intense
effect not only on their students, but also on other staff members. They radiate their
qualities to the people around them. Attitude and mood can be contagious and canhave a strong effect on our performance and our teaching in class.
Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Teacher 11

Helping teachers to be self-motivated
We hope that most teachers have chosen teaching because they have a passion for it,
and not just because it is a respectable job. It makes a big difference when we enjoywhat we are doing rather than having forcibly to drag ourselves to do the job. In both
cases, the class is running, but the sense and level of achievement and the impact on
the children can be very different. After all, enjoying what you do is something thatwe owe to ourselves and good education is something we owe to the children we
teach.
What shapes our performance has a lot to do with our perception of teaching. We
must look at teaching as a precious profession that can help or hinder children’s lives
in more ways than we can imagine. If we see ourselves as important individuals whoare lucky to be in a position to make a difference in the lives of the children in ourcare, if we can find meaning and value in what we do and if we believe in these valuesthen we can develop the kind of self-motivation that is needed to make a difference.The very fact that you are reading this book expresses your desire to be a teacherwho will make a difference.
Our emotions and love for the children will be the strongest asset that we can use
to help the children grow and flourish. As Ellison (2001: 5) states, ‘I teach children.
The children are my focus. This is a very different attitude from ‘‘I teach math’’. Myfocus makes a world of difference.’
The field of education is beautiful and it is rapidly growing. In the past 15 years,
brain research has revolutionized many concepts in education. Teachers must keepup to date professionally by subscribing to professional organizations, reading jour-nals, books, joining online professional courses, attending workshops and conferences
and grasping the many other opportunities that exist. Teacher professional devel-
opment should be a top priority for school leaders and administrators. We have comeacross school leaders who changed their school into a professional learning com-
munity not only through using outside resources such as the ones mentioned above,
but also by providing a lot of in-house learning opportunities which didn’t cost theschool much, for example peer visits among teachers, assigning the more experienced
teachers as mentors to take care of novice teachers, coaching and mentoring, in-house
training workshops, group discussions, reflection sessions, book groups, sharing booksand journals, etc. Teachers are the most important asset in schools and they deserve
access to a variety of professional development opportunities. Unfortunately, not all
schools see professional development as a top priority, hence, many teachers musttake responsibility for their own professional development. Self-motivated teachers
are also proactive. They don’t wait to enhance their professional development; they
create and seek learning opportunities in different ways. To start with, the internet is
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 12

a great resource with many free learning opportunities. For many teachers financing
their professional development opportunities can be a serious problem. An idea
around this is that you can keep a portion of your income in a separate account foryour own professional development. This is a good idea and it pays off greatly on
different levels. After all, up-to-date motivated teachers are much more in demand
than limited, bored, demotivated teachers.
All teachers like to work in a school environment that is orderly and organized,
and where teachers feel supported, trusted, respected and appreciated. One of the
ways to show appreciation to teachers is to provide them with the kind of help andsupport they need. As mentioned above, Goleman (1995) suggests that the self-motivated teacher works in a ‘flow’ mood, by which he means that they achieveexcellent results naturally without much struggle. He also explains that for anyone to
reach this stage of flow they need to have developed the right skills and knowledge.
Flow doesn’t happen when the task is too easy. This leads to boredom. It also doesn’thappen when the task is too challenging. This leads to stress and anxiety. Flow
happens when the task is a bit challenging, but the person has the skills and the time
to handle it. Schools can help the teacher to enter the world of flow, where excellentteaching can take place effortlessly, and where teachers get so engrossed in theirlessons that neither the teacher nor the children want to leave the room when the
bell goes. However, to achieve this fascinating level of performance, schools need to
plan learning opportunities for their teachers, then mentor and support them.
Empathy
Teaching is a very caring profession, and teachers can have a great influence on how
children learn and feel about school. A teacher can cause a child pain and can createpleasure too. One teacher can help a child love school; another can make a child hateschool. It all depends on our relationships with the children. One of the main factorsinfluencing the way we work with children is our ability to understand them, tounderstand how they feel, the way they think, and what messages they are trying toconvey to us through their gestures, their tone of voice, or their facial expressions.
Not all teachers can relate to this and read children’s emotions, but the ones who can
are the lucky ones. They are the empathic teachers.
Being an empathic teacher can have great benefits to both the teacher and the
children. For the teacher, it makes a big a difference when he is in tune with
children, when there is good relationship between them and when there is respectand positive feelings on both sides. Children usually listen to a teacher they like, and
some of them might even strive to please this teacher. In addition to this, learning
Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Teacher 13

takes place more smoothly as their brains can take in and process information
without being blocked or hijacked by emotional issues. Goleman (1995: 111) sug-
gests ‘mastering this empathic ability smooths the way for classroom effectiveness’,and obviously this leads to better learning outcomes. This makes the teacher feel
good about herself and perhaps creates a better feeling of job satisfaction. After all,
we all want to feel the results of all our hard work.
When it comes to children, it is evident that the way they feel about their teacher
affects their attitude towards school and towards learning. As we have mentioned in
the previous chapter there is a strong relationship between emotions and learning.They will also feel safe and secure when they know that they are with a person whocan understand them, cares about them, can accept them for who they are, and isthere to help and support them when they call for it.
On the other hand, lacking empathy can be of a great disadvantage. ‘The failure to
register another’s feelings is a major deficit in emotional intelligence and a tragic
failing in what it means to be human. For all rapport, the root of caring, stems from
emotional attunement, from the capacity for empathy’ (Goleman, 1995: 109).
In other words, a teacher who lacks empathy cannot really read the non-verbal
cues that the children use to convey their messages. He cannot feel how they feel.
He cannot see their point of view and as a result, he cannot understand them,
connect with them, or reach them. It is as though they are in a different world
altogether. Obviously, this is harmful for the children. They might develop negativeemotions towards the teacher and towards the school. These children will feel thatthere is a huge gap between them and the teacher; they cannot connect with him.They will feel that the teacher doesn’t understand them and he is not there for them.They feel insecure, afraid of making mistakes or being judged by the teacher. Thenegative effects will also reach their academic achievements, since their emotionalinsecurity can get in the way of their learning process.
Being a more empathic teacher
Like all other EQ skills, empathy develops further if we work on it. To start with, the
basis of empathy is self-awareness. The more self-aware we are, the better we canread others’ feelings. ‘The more open we are to our own emotions, the more skilledwe will be in reading feelings’ (Goleman, 1995).
There is also a strong relationship between empathy and self-approval. Individuals
with high self-approval are more empathic than those with low self-approval. Doty
(2001) sees self-approval as ‘making an agreement with oneself to accept, love,
appreciate and support oneself, imperfections and all, at this very minute’, and as
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 14

‘the willingness to hold onto and to celebrate our ethics, our values, our prejudices,
our blemishes, our strengths as well as our weaknesses’.
Our self-approval influences the way we interpret our actions, beliefs and
experiences. At this point, our thinking habits of being positive or negative come intoplay. Looking at things from a more positive perspective can contribute to better self-
approval. As teachers, we need to be proud of ourselves for being in such a caring,challenging position. We are the people without whom nations can be in jeopardy.
Sometimes our sincerity and dedication takes us to a level where we expect ourselves
to be perfect. When we do not get the results we strive to achieve, we feel dis-heartened and might try to find faults in our performance or blame ourselves for ourpitfalls. We need to learn to accept ourselves for all we are, embrace our weaknessesand live peacefully with our imperfections. Once we achieve this on a personal level,
we can then accept the children we teach for who they are, appreciate all the
differences between us and help them to develop better self-acceptance. This willlead us to having children who can be more empathic.
Handling relationships
This skill incorporates all other skills mentioned earlier in this chapter. It starts with
our ability to have a positive relationship with ourselves. Our self-awareness, self-knowledge, self-motivation, self-understanding, self-approval, self-appreciation, self-
love and self-management greatly affect our relationship with others. In other words,
when we have a positive relationship with ourselves we can have positive relation-
ships with others. For any relationship to be smooth, beautiful and peaceful, it
requires individuals to be beautiful and peaceful from within. What we show on the
outside is a reflection of what we live in the inside. The emotions we have forourselves and for others is all felt. We transmit our emotions all the time to those
around us. ‘We send emotional signals in every encounter and those signals affect
those we are with’ (Goleman, 1995: 111). In other words, as teachers if we are
happy with ourselves, the children can feel it. If we are angry with ourselves, wetransmit negative emotions and they feel it too. In addition, if we love and accept the
children for who they are, they feel it and if we are angry with them or resent themfor any reason, they feel that too. Children and adults alike believe in our feelings
more than our words. ‘Indeed when a person’s words disagree with what is conveyed
via his tone of voice, gesture, or other non-verbal channel, the emotional truth is in
how he says something rather than what he says’ (Goleman, 1995: 111). Children
believe in the non-verbal cues more than words because we express our emotions
Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Teacher 15

non-verbally more than verbally. ‘Just as the mode of the rational mind is words, the
mode of the emotions is in non-verbal’ (1995: 111).
Thus, for us to have a positive relationship with the children our love and
acceptance should be genuine, otherwise we can save ourselves the efforts of tryingto fake a feeling we do not really have.
It is true that we spend most of our time in school with the children we teach, but
they are not the only stakeholders of the school community. By the very nature of
the profession, we also communicate with other stakeholders, such as the schoolprincipal, colleagues, other staff members and parents. However, sometimes thingsdo not always go the way we wish. Conflicts can arise between the teacher and theadministration, other colleagues, a parent or even the children. The degree to which ateacher can manage herself and the situation with whatever party is involved here is a
sign of her emotional intelligence. Teachers with high emotional intelligence canshow signs of emotional maturity and resolve the conflict calmly. Unfortunately, theones with low emotional intelligence may react to the situation negatively oraggressively, and this reaction might lead to further problems. The problem can thenescalate causing negative emotions along the way and in severe situations, it can getout of hand. Of course, the success or failure of any relationship is not the respon-sibility of one person. It is the responsibility of all stakeholders involved.
The above example tells us clearly that relationship management is about
managing emotions, and we can only acquire the art of managing emotions if we are
empathic enough, for if we fail to read all the non-verbal signals that the other personis transmitting to us, we definitely cannot respond appropriately. It’s like being on
the wrong page. ‘Handling emotions in someone else – the fine art of relationships –
requires the ripeness of two other emotional skills ‘‘self-management and empathy’’’(Goleman, 1995: 12).
However, when a relationship takes a negative direction it affects our emotions.
Talking about teachers in this chapter one might ask: how would you feel in such
situations and what effects can this have overall on the learning process of thechildren in our care?
As human beings, we have one integrated system. Our emotions, our mind and
body are all interrelated. Thus, the way we feel and the way we think affects the
decisions we make and the actions we take. Consequently, our emotional wellbeing,
our relationship with the children and our performance are affected. We then mightleave a mark we do not want to leave on children’s feelings and learning. As Jonathan
Cohen (1999) states so powerfully in Educating Mind and Hearts , as quoted in
Ellison’s The Personal Intelligences (p. 11), ‘Virtually all learning happens within the
context of relationships So, even if we do not consciously intend to influence our
children in this manner, the contacts we have with individual students affect howthey feel about themselves and what they are learning.’
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 16

In conclusion, the gift of being emotionally intelligent teachers can be an indis-
pensable asset to us all. It will help us to be happier, more enthusiastic teachers and
will provide us with the tools we need to use to make a difference in the lives of thechildren we teach. We end with a quote from Mahatma Ghandi ‘You must be the
change you wish to see in the world!’
Recommended reading
Cohen, J. (2001) Caring Classrooms/Intelligent Schools. New York, NY: Teachers
College Press.
Morris, E. and Casey, J. (2006) Developing Emotional Literate Staff – a Practical
Guide. London: Paul Chapman.
Weare, K. (2004) Developing the Emotionally Literate School . London: Sage.
Reflective questions
1. How emotionally intelligent are you?
2. What can you do to become more emotionally intelligent?
3. How do you think the children in your class perceive you?
4. What is something you can start doing immediately to improve your classroom atmosphere and
environment?
5. What can you start doing to make the children in your class feel safer and more secure?
Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Teacher 17

Creating a Positive
Learning Environment3
I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can
learn.
Albert Einstein
Let’s not forget that little emotions are the greatest captains of our lives and we
obey them without realizing it.
Vincent Van Gogh
Where there is great love, there are always miracles.
Willa Cather
I’m sick today
‘I’m not going to school today. I feel sick. I have a stomach-ache.’ This seemed to be
James’s favourite phrase each morning. His mother hated when she had to wake himup in the morning. She felt nervous every morning before she entered his room. Itwas starting to be a real nightmare.
Day after day, James’s situation got worse. He would get continuous stomach
aches and sometimes he would vomit before going to school. James’s mother took
him to the doctor but he couldn’t find anything physically wrong with him. Still,
James complained. The doctor had mentioned that perhaps something was bothering
James at home or school causing his stomach pains.
James’s mother visited the school. As she walked by James’s classroom, she
noticed the tables and chairs neatly in rows and filled-in worksheets posted on the
bulletin boards. The room did not look warm or inviting like his classroom had theyear before.

His mother was naturally very concerned. She went to see the school counsellor.
After a few meetings with the counsellor, they discovered that James was feeling
very uncomfortable with his class teacher. She was irritable and often shouted atother kids, making James feel scared. She didn’t have a warm relationship and was
not close to her students. Actually, she didn’t really know much about them nor did
she have any desire to. Her loud voice and threats to report them to their parentswere deeply upsetting for James and some of the other children.
The children felt insecure in her class, some like James would switch off and
could not think properly during the lesson. He was still nervous and agitated when he
got home and even lost interest in having a bedtime story, something that he hadpreviously enjoyed enormously.
It took a lot of hard work and many discussions with the school counsellor to
make the teacher realize how James felt. The teacher argued that James must be
overly sensitive and that she had no time to ‘play mother’ to the children; she had acurriculum to cover!
There are many children in James’s situation. Children spend up to one third of
their day at school. The school and class environment have a profound effect onchildren’s emotional, social and academic well-being and growth. Most teachersknow that when children feel safe, happy and cared for they learn more effectively.
On the other hand, when they feel scared, insecure or bored, they can lose their
appetite for learning. In extreme cases, school life can become a child’s nightmare.
Creating and maintaining a positive
environment
Creating and maintaining a positive, safe and healthy learning environment must be a
top priority for teachers. If the environment is not a positive one, a great deal of
teacher effort is wasted.
In this chapter, we shall discuss how we can create and maintain a classroom
environment in which children feel emotionally safe and where they have the
opportunity to feel the joy of learning, and will look forward to coming to class in the
morning. The mastery of such a challenging set of tasks goes back to the teacher. A
teacher’s knowledge, skills, attitude, values and love for children have a great effect
on her ability to create a positive classroom environment.
Creating a Positive Learning Environment 19

The child/teacher relationship
The relationship between the children and the teacher has a direct influence upon
emotions and learning. As was discussed in Chapter 2, an emotionally intelligent
teacher, who is well aware of how her children feel, and who genuinely cares that
they all develop to their full potential, emotionally and socially, as well as intellec-
tually, can have a greater influence on a child’s life than a teacher whose mainconcern is to cover the curriculum. Teaching is a uniquely challenging job and very
often teachers make do with limited resources and tools, yet we have all come across
great teachers who are passionate about teaching and who make things happen inspite of any obstacles. Rebecca Olness (1997: ix) sums it up with this beautiful quotefrom Dr Haim Ginott: ‘Teachers are expected to reach unattainable goals withinadequate tools. The miracle is that at times they accomplish this impossible task.’
Creating an environment where children
thrive!
How can we create a positive, safe and healthy learning environment? Initially, the
physical aspect of the classroom can have a profound effect on children’s feelings andlearning. Creating a creative, colourful and interesting classroom environment,decorated with their pictures, achievements, thoughts and feelings can give childrenthe ownership of their classroom. Personalizing the class environment helps thechildren to feel loved, welcomed, important and accepted for who they are. Teachersneed to maintain a system of rejuvenating the class physical appearance on a regular
basis. Children’s spirits renew when they see their teacher celebrating their little
achievements and success continuously and creatively.
There needs to be a harmony between what the teacher is trying to achieve
through the classroom’s physical environment and how children feel in class. When
children are given the emotional security they need, when they feel appreciated,
loved, respected and accepted not for their academic achievements or their beha-viour but for who they really are, a relationship of trust and mutual respect will beborn. This kind of relationship encourages the children to be themselves, to becurious learners, to ask questions, investigate, open up to learning, enjoy being in classand express their feelings, concerns and points of view with no fear or hesitation.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 20

Actions speak louder than words
In some shape or form, children’s brains are active all the time. While we are in class,
children assess us continuously. They then come to their own judgements about usand how they feel towards us; this affects the decisions they make in relation to their
learning process and outcome. Their criteria are what we do, how we make them feel
and not necessarily what we say to them. As we often say, ‘actions speak louder thanwords’ and this is especially true of teachers. Children read our emotions through
observing our body language before we say anything. A frowning face or a loud voice
can put them off. Unappreciative, threatening and unkind words can create a highlevel of stress. In fact, students can become emotionally hijacked, which can havevery negative effects on their well-being and their learning processes, as discussedearlier.
Peer relationships
Another factor that has a strong effect on the classroom environment is children’s
relationships with their peers. When children are on good terms with their peers,they are emotionally more settled; they can work cooperatively and enjoy their
learning experience. On the other hand, when they bully and hurt each other, they
feel emotionally insecure and can’t concentrate as their brain is preoccupied withtheir emotional issues, and as a result this affects their learning outcomes.
Making sure that there are good relationships between the children is a respon-
sibility that schools do not always take seriously. This is especially true in schools
where the focus is only on achieving academic targets. It is very disheartening to see
that in some schools children experience serious emotional issues during school
hours, yet they are not always lucky enough to meet a teacher with a warm heart tohelp them. In some cases, when problems occur between children the school staff
play the role of a detective to find the child at fault, and apply the kind of punish-
ment found to be most appropriate. In our opinion, schools need to go a long waybeyond that. This is a core responsibility of schools and we do not consider it anoption. It is the school and teacher’s responsibility to create a classroom environmentwhere children genuinely care for each other. We must not overlook bullying pro-blems. Bullying hurts children deeply. It can lead to school drop-out, anxiety,depression and, in a worst-case scenario, even suicide. Emotionally disturbing issuessuch as bullying should be totally unacceptable not only in school documents but alsoin the real-life practices in school. These type of initiatives need to be whole-schoolapproaches to ensure maximum effectiveness.
Creating a Positive Learning Environment 21

Developing meaningful classroom rules
Learning cannot take place in a chaotic, disorganized classroom environment where
there are no clear routines, rules and consequences. Good organization helps theteacher to manage the classroom, which leads to better learning outcomes. Having
clear rules is one of the characteristics of effective classroom management. However,
to motivate the children to respect and follow classroom rules, they must be involvedin establishing these rules. Classroom rules should not be limited to keeping the class
clean and tidy, or lining up when it is time to leave the room. It must also include
codes of conduct that protect children emotionally and socially. It is important toword these rules in a positive manner not a negative one, to attract that positivity inthe classroom. For example, instead of including ‘no bullying’ or ‘no name calling’,items can be included such as ‘show mutual respect’ or ‘show appreciation toothers’. One wonderful way to make the rules is to create a class pledge that can beposted in the classroom and read aloud each morning or before circle time, for
example. The picture opposite shows one example of a classroom pledge developed
by Grade 4 students.
Understanding of the rules
Before implementing these rules, the teacher needs to make sure that children
understand the rules, giving them enough time to assimilate them in order toguarantee that they can put them into practice when required. When children follow
class rules, it is important to appreciate their efforts and praise them for it. This is a
much better approach than waiting to catch them breaking the rules and thenpunishing them. If we praise children for good behaviour, this will boost their self-
esteem and they will feel good about themselves.
When children break a class rule, the teacher’s main concern shouldn’t only be
applying consequences. In fact, some children’s misbehaviour is a genuine opportu-
nity for learning. For example, in the case of a child bullying a classmate, the teacher
needs to spend enough time looking into the problem, then guiding and helping thechildren to better manage themselves and their relationship with each other. These
are valuable authentic learning opportunities that can be utilized to develop chil-dren’s emotional intelligence.
Teachers need to have clear consequences for misbehaving or not following class
rules; however, they should implement these with love, preserving the dignity of the
child. It is important for the children to understand that it is their behaviour that isnot acceptable and not them personally.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 22

Figure 1: Class pledge
Creating a Positive Learning Environment 23

Developing class routines
Children love routine. Teachers need to have clear routines and work with the
children to stick to them. When introducing any change to class routines, we mustcommunicate them to the children. Children feel safe when they know exactly what
the teacher expects them to do. They also feel good about themselves when they feel
that their teacher is happy with them. A teacher’s smile or a simple gesture ofsatisfaction means a lot to young children.
Giving children choices
Some children feel stressed out when they face tasks that are beyond their current
ability, and this can have a negative effect on their well-being and their achievementsin school, as we will see in Chapter 5. We all know that there is diversity among
learners. Children have multiple intelligences; they have different learning styles,
different interests and different backgrounds and experiences. They also have dif-ferent moods at different times of their school day. Giving children choice in termsof their approach to learning or the kind of activities they need to carry out can makethem emotionally more settled and will contribute towards a smoother learningprocess and better learning outcomes.
When children feel a sense of achievement and success we see them smiling with
joy, sometimes they even jump up trying to reach the sky with a piece of paper that
carries a good grade or a positive inspiring comment. As the saying goes, ‘nothing
succeeds like success’.
Choosing to make a difference
As teachers, we are very lucky to be in a position to make a difference in the lives of
the children we teach. The classroom is like a theatre and teachers are the directors.
Teachers have a great influence on how children feel, think, act and learn. At the end
of the show, children can leave the theatre with a big smile of achievement feeling
proud of who they are. Or they can come down from the stage with a bitter feeling of
failure, their heads down and avoiding eye contact. Robin Sharma in his book The
Monk Who Sold his Ferrari (1999: 82) says ‘If I have seen further than others, it is
simply because I have stood on the shoulders of great teachers’. We all can choose to
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 24

be giant teachers who can make a big difference in the lives of the little ones in our
care.
Putting it into practice
Take small steps to create a positive learning environment for the children in your
class. Here are some activities that can contribute to creating an emotionally intel-ligent learning environment:
It is all about us
This activity helps the children feel the ownership of their classroom. It alsodevelops their sense of security since they will have the opportunity to use theirspace in class to present things, items or concepts that are important to them. As a
teacher you can do the following:
1. Create a personal space for yourself – you may choose a display board or a corner of the
classroom.
2. Decorate it with pictures of yourself, pictures of your family members, friends, or a famous
person who inspired you. Children really enjoy it if you post a picture of yourself when you were
the same age as the students are. You can also add your favourite quotes or sayings you believe
in. Also, include items such as ticket stubs, a favourite scarf, or a book that has special meaning
for you. Make this a beautiful personalized area, describing yourself and what is important to
you.
3. Use this area as an example for the children to create their own personalized areas, decorated
with pictures and objects that are important to them.
4. Once the personal areas or corners are ready, the teacher can invite the children to have a look
around the room to get to know more about each other, or give them the opportunity to share
what is important to them during class meetings. There is further discussion on class meetings in
chapter 6.
We are all special
This activity aims at helping children to think more positively about their classmates
and express their appreciation
1. You can invite the children to design friendship cards using coloured paper, pens and other
decorative items.
Creating a Positive Learning Environment 25

2. The children then will choose a friend to address the card to, writing a positive point about their
friend.
3. If you feel that the children cannot yet write full sentence, you can ask them to complete a
sentence such as, ‘I think you are special because …’ or, ‘I like you because …’. For very young
children they can simply draw or you can scribe their responses.
4. In some classes there be will students who are not very popular. To avoid being in a situation
where a child might feel left out, you can decide to do one of the following:
.Write children’s names on strips of paper and have children pick a name. They then write a
positive point about that specific child
.Each child will send a card to the child he is sitting beside
.You can divide the class into small groups and they all send cards to each other. In this case,
the group number should not exceed three to four children
.You can ask the students to send the card to someone who they do not know very well in the
class.
5. Once all cards all ready, share them among the children and they can be used to decorate the
class.
Acts of kindness
This activity teaches the children to be empathetic and kind to each other. It also
teaches them to develop better relationships with others and to be more reflective.
1. You can first explain to the children the importance of being kind to others and the different
things that children can do to be kind to each other. You can relate kindness to empathy, where
children look out for each other and work on understanding their friends’ points of view or
feelings.
2. Secondly, you can give examples of little acts of kindness such as listening to each other, sharing
toys, or helping each other with homework.
3. Children then give appropriate help to each other when the need arises.
4. They can then reflect on the experience and write their feelings in their journals or discuss acts
with the class during class meetings. You can also create a display board to celebrate acts of
kindness by allowing the students to post things they have done to help others and how they felt
about it or kind acts of which they have been the recipient.
No bully zone
A disturbing event for children and one that creates a negative classroom environ-
ment is bullying. The activity below develops children’s awareness towards the
negative effects of bullying and can contribute to helping children to be moreempathic and enhancing better relationships between children in the class.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 26

1. The teacher discusses with the class the importance of having a classroom where everyone feels
safe, respected and happy. She also discusses the negative effects of being a bully or bullying
others.
2. In groups students brainstorm what they can do to ensure that their class is a Bully Free Zone
3. Each group selects the three most important ideas and produces signs and posters to represent
their ideas. Use the cards to make inspiring displays in the classroom or hallways.
4. As a variation, after brainstorming, each group can choose the most important ideas to them,
write a sketch and then act it out.
Teacher reflection
When I first started out teaching, I didn’t realize the importance of the environment.
I was too busy trying to organize the curriculum and fit in all the many units thathad to be completed. Only as I have read more and grown as a teacher have I
realized that many classroom activities can be based around social emotional
learning with a little extra effort. This in turn helps make the class a wonderfullearning ground not only for the facts in books but of life experience as well.
Year 4 teacher
EQ theory link
Creating a positive learning environment is a prerequisite for developing children’s
EQ, without which a great deal of teacher effort will be wasted. These activities aimat developing children’s self-awareness, self-expression, relationship management
and being more empathic.
Recommended reading
Beane, A. (1990) The Bully Free Classroom . Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Fiske, E. (1991) Smart Schools, Smart Kids. New York: Simon and Schuster.
Kohn, A. (1999) The Schools Our Children Deserve . New York: Houghton Mifflin.
Mackenzie, R. (1996) Setting Limits in the Classroom . Rockland, CA: Prima.
Wood, G. (1992) Schools That Work . New York: Penguin.
Creating a Positive Learning Environment 27

Reflective questions
1. Reflect on your class or context. What could you do to create a positive learning environment for
the children you teach?
2. What are the most challenging things you might face in creating such an environment?
3. If you have any challenges, how can you overcome them?4. Do you need any kind of support from your school administration? If so, clarify what help you
need. How are you going to resolve the situation?
5. Do you need support from the parents of the children you teach? If so, please specify. What will
you do to obtain the help you need?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 28

Setting the Stage
for Learning 4
Identifying feelings
When dealing with people, remember you are not dealing with creatures of logic,
but creatures of emotions.
Dale Carnegie
It is nearly impossible to teach a kid who is not ready to learn.
Dennis Littky
The biggest single problem of our profession is that we never learned how to deal
with emotion in school.
Robert Sylvester
A note to Carl’s parents
Jimmy and Carl recently became friends when Jimmy and his family moved next
door. They care about each other a great deal and look out for each other in difficultsituations. Carl is rather a shy boy and he stutters when he feels embarrassed ortense.
Carl’s schoolmates had noticed his stutter and were starting to pick on him. They
would tease him by mimicking him, often provoking an angry response. In the past,
the teasing had occasionally resulted in a physical fight. Since Jimmy became a
constant presence by Carl’s side, the fighting has ceased; Jimmy is big and tough.
One day, Carl was playing with a boy named Adam from another class. At first,
everything was fine, and then all of a sudden children were running from all corners
to watch a fight. Jimmy was absent from school that day and so Carl was left to

defend himself. Some children from his class came running to help, but they couldn’t
do much because older kids from higher grades who were trying to separate the two
children surrounded Carl. Luckily, Carl was not hurt, but he was feeling veryunhappy and frustrated. He sat in a corner feeling annoyed. After recess was over the
children went back to class.
The teacher, Mrs Johnson, knew that something had happened as soon as the
children came into the classroom. Some of the children seemed upset and mumbled
as they came into the room. A couple of children wanted to tell her what hadhappened, but she didn’t listen. She sent them back to their desks and started herlesson.
She continually had to ask the children to concentrate and pay attention. Mrs
Johnson had to repeat instructions several times. Towards the end of the lesson, she
asked the class to open their books and do some exercises.
While going round to check their answers she was furious to see that a lot of the
children hadn‘t done very much work. She went to check Carl’s work. He hadn’t
done anything. He had been doodling all over the page. She chastised him and told
him to finish the work at home. She then wrote a note to his parents in his diarysaying:
Dear Parent,
Carl didn’t pay attention in class today. He wasted his time doodling all over his
book and didn’t finish his class work. Please finish it with him as homework.
Sincerely,
Mrs Johnson
In everyday school life, children go through many emotional difficulties. For some
children their emotional life can become unstable or they might start to feel insecure.
This can lead to a serious negative impact not only upon the learning process but also
upon their life in general.
We must not ignore emotions as we know they are very powerful. Ellison (2001:
7) states ‘Emotions arouse our attention; they are at the core of our survival
mechanisms.’ Greenspan (1997) writes that emotions ‘create, organize and orches-trate many of the mind’s most important functions’.
Since we know emotions have such a powerful effect upon children’s learning and
general well-being, we must teach children how to develop their emotional intelli-gence. Goleman (1995) informs us that ‘Emotional intelligence, unlike IQ, is notfixed at birth. On the contrary it can, and should, be taught.’
The first building block of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This is the
foundation of all other emotional intelligence skills. Goleman (1995: 51) says ‘This
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 30

awareness of emotions is the fundamental emotional competence on which others,
such as emotional self-control, build.’
Self-awareness means recognizing feelings as they occur. Children need to learn
how to recognize their feelings, name them and talk about them. They also need tolearn the different strategies that will enable them to handle their emotional distress
in a positive way. Children are not born with these skills; they need significantpractice to develop them. Ellison (2001) advises ‘All children need practice in
handling their emotions, because it is a developmental issue’.
In this chapter, we shall look at the different tools and strategies that you can use
to develop children’s self-awareness. We shall focus on identifying feelings, naming
them and talking about them.
Putting it into practice
The feeling thermometer
The feeling thermometer is a tool that children can use to measure their emotional
temperature. The design is similar to an ordinary thermometer but in a child-friendly
application. A scale of one to ten is marked on the thermometer. One represents
mild feelings whereas ten shows extremely strong feelings.
1. Prepare a thermometer for each child with laminated faces representing three main emotions:
happiness, sadness, anger. Prepare a fourth, blank face, to represent other emotions that the
children wish to express. They can write or draw the expressions they feel on the face.
2. Display the thermometers on a bulletin board at child height. You can also include a title such as
‘How Do I Feel Today?’ or ‘My Feeling Thermometer’ as seen in the photo below. Put thedifferent faces and the child’s name above or under each thermometer.
3. If you want to use the feeling thermometer at the beginning of the year when you do not yet
know the children’s names, you may ask them to colour their thermometers and write their
names above or below, in order to reinforce their sense of ownership of the instrument.
How to use the feeling thermometer in class
The feeling thermometer can be used in different ways. Use the thermometer to
gauge a child’s feelings at a particular point in time and to develop his self-awareness.For example, the teacher might be concerned about a child who appears preoccupied
with a problem. She might have noticed that this child is not as happy or as active as
he was. The feeling thermometer can be used to help the child reflect on how he is
Setting the Stage for Learning 31

feeling, to identify how he feels and to give this feeling an expression or a name by
choosing the face that represents it. Children can quantify the strength of theirfeeling or emotion by using a scale from one to ten. The whole process leads the child
to a development of his own self-awareness. The next step would be to help the child
to express his emotions and thoughts and to help him learn how to handle his
distressed emotions in a positive way. You can do this in many different ways, as we
shall discuss in later chapters of the book.
Another way of using the feeling thermometer is for you to measure the general
feeling or emotional temperature of the class to see how ready they are to learn and
to give the children the chance to express their emotions if they want to. Forexample, after recess, the children come to class and you sense that something hadhappened that seems to be bothering them. You know from their body language and
facial expressions that they are not at their best, that something is wrong. You can askthe whole class to show their emotional temperature. In a couple of minutes, allemotions will be on the feeling board. You can tell at a glance the emotional tem-perature of your class. If it is high then you need to think about utilizing activitiesaimed at reducing stress (see Chapter 5 on stress relief). Once the children feel morerelaxed, the learning process will be more effective and you will be able to worktowards a better learning outcome.
Figure 2: EQ thermometer board
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 32

My special bag
This activity aims at helping the children to be aware of what is important to them
and to develop their relationships with others by finding common interests. The
underlying concept is to help them discover their own values. As a teacher, you canbe a model for the children in your class.
1. Decorate a bag creatively with your name on it.
2. Put in the bag things that are special to you. For example, a family photo, your favourite story/
book, something to represent your hobby, like a tennis ball, a special gift, or a toy you have
treasured.
3. Share the content of your bag with the children in circle time, talking about the items, explaining
why they are special to you and how they make you feel.
4. Ask the children to do the same. They can decorate the bag in class and take it home to fill with
things that are special to them.
Paper plate mask
This activity helps the children to get in touch with their feelings, recognizing what
makes them happy, sad or angry.
1. Ask each child to make three paper plate masks, representing three emotions; for younger
children, use happiness, sadness and anger but older children may wish to use emotions that are
more complex.
2. In groups, the children talk about what made them feel each of the emotions they chose to
display. They can also tell stories about things that happened to them to represent that feeling.
3. During class meeting time, each child chooses one of his masks and shares his feelings or his
story.
Teacher reflection
As a teacher, I realized that we come to class and faithfully do our job. We do not
notice how some children who are noisy are actually calling for attention, etc. Astime is short and we have to complete the curriculum we do tend to overlook the
reasons behind such behaviour. I used the feeling thermometer to find out how the
children felt in my class. I used it to check their general emotional state when I felt
that there was a negative feeling among the children. I also used it with individualchildren when I was not sure about their emotions. The results were astonishing;the thermometers told me a lot about my children’s feelings.
Year 2 teacher
Setting the Stage for Learning 33

Recommended reading
Elias, M.J., Zins, J.E., Weisberg, R.P., Frey, K.S., Greenberg, M.T. and Haynes, N.M.
(1997) Promoting Social and Emotional Learning: Guidelines for Educators .
Alexandria, VA: Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.
Freedman, J., Jensen, A., Ridcout, M. and Freedman, P. (2001) Handle with Care,
Emotional Intelligence Activity Book (2nd Edn). San Mateo, CA: Six Seconds.
Noddings, N. (1992) The Challenge to Care in Schools: An Alternative Approach to
Education . New York: Teachers College Press.
Palmer, P. (1998) The Courage to Teach . San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
Rae, T. (1998) Dealing with Feeling . London: Paul Chapman.
Reflective questions
1. Is identifying children’s emotions important to you? Why/why not?
2. What do you think about the idea of checking children’s emotional temperature? In what
situations would you do this?
3. Can you think of any other ways of checking children’s emotional temperature?
4. What would you do if the class as whole seemed to be emotionally unhappy or upset?
5. What would you do if you noticed negative emotions among the children you teach?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 34

Stress Relief 5
Don’t underestimate the value of doing nothing, of just going along, listening to all
the things you can’t hear and not bothering.
Pooh’s Little Instruction Book , inspired by A. A. Milne
Sometimes it’s important to work for that pot of gold. But other times it’s essential
to take time off and to make sure that your most important decision in the day
simply consists of choosing which colour to slide down on the rainbow.
Douglas Pages
The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over
another.
William James
Alison’s stressful childhood
Alison is a child under a great deal of stress. She is unpopular at school and often
spends breaktime playing alone. Occasionally, she makes a friend, but it usually onlylasts for a day or two before the other child moves on to someone else. Ten-year-oldAlison faces a great deal of stress at home too. She lives alone with her mother andher younger brother. Her father left home when she was two and she has no furthercontact with him. She is often alone and needs to care for her baby brother while hermother does odd jobs to bring in more income.
Alison alleviates her stress by doing several things: watching television, fighting
with other children, or seeking attention from adults. She usually stays up late at
night, causing her to have a further of lack concentration in class the next day and to
become even more temperamental.

Alison’s teacher doesn’t see the stress in her students’ lives. She is so involved
with completing the curriculum and getting by each day that she doesn’t seem to
notice Alison’s troubles. In fact, she sees her as a disruptive, somewhat annoyingchild in the class who causes the class to get off track at times. Alison is in great need
of a caring adult to show her productive and useful ways of dealing with her stress.
Luckily, a student teacher visiting the school, Ms White, took a great interest in
Alison. The positive attention from this teacher allowed Alison to open up and share
some of the problems she had encountered. Together Ms White and Alison made astress-relief plan for her to follow. Alison began writing in her journal daily abouthow she was feeling and she carried a card listing several options she could take whenshe was feeling angry or bored so she could refer to it at times when her mind wasnot clear. Over the six-week period with Ms White, Alison began to gain confidence.
Ms White had spoken with her mother and an earlier bedtime was enforced. MsWhite had given Alison books to read such as Stick up for Yourself by Kaufman,
Raphael and Esplenad (1999). Without help, Alison might have faced a downward
spiral of unhappiness and unsociability. Due to the help of one teacher who cared,
Alison blossomed and found a way to improve her behaviour and actions, learnt howto make friends and to improve her stress levels. Even one teacher can make a hugedifference to one child. Let’s all strive to be that teacher, the one who children
remember for years to come, the one who made a difference in their lives.
Stress and its effect on learning
Countless children are subject to school-related stressors such as low grades, overly
challenging classroom settings, athletic requirements, peer relationships, exams and
clashes with teachers (Jewett, 1997). Although occasional or moderate stress is forthe most part healthy, being exposed to high stress levels over time can damage and
impair children’s cognition (Jensen, 2005). When the mind experiences high stress,
learning cannot take place. In fact, some children can feel emotionally hijacked whenthey have an argument with a friend, receive disappointing marks or don’t under-
stand lessons. Goleman (1995) explores the idea of ‘emotional hijacking’. He stated‘the hijacking occurs in an instant, triggering this reaction crucial moments before theneocortex, the thinking brain, has a chance to glimpse fully at what is happening, let
alone decide if it is a good idea’. Of course, this is of concern in education. In fact,Harvard professor Jack Shonkoff (2007) informs us that ‘When faced with a
potentially threatening situation, like the first day at a new school, a child needs to
find a way to cope. However, not all stress is equal in its ability to cause havoc to ourbrains. Research shows that excessive experience with toxic stress can disrupt the
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 36

development of brain circuits related to stress response – and to learning and
memory.’
Stress-relief activities
We recommend starting your class each day with some forms of stress-relief activ-ities. Several practical meditation activities are included in this chapter. We willintroduce other activities such as the ‘dumping bin’ where children write negative orangry feelings on a strip of paper and then throw them away. However, before that
we need to teach children to recognize when they are feeling stress and to help themrecognize when others are feeling stress. We can do this through discussion with thechildren about facial expressions, feelings in their stomachs, etc. When you feel
stressed yourself, tell the children and ask them if they saw any physical signs in you.
Dr Cooper (1996) mentions that ‘If we lack emotional intelligence, whenever
stress rises the human brain switches to autopilot and has an inherent tendency to do
more of the same, only harder which, more often than not, is precisely the wrong
approach in today’s world.’
The brain has a short pathway from the thalamus to the amygdale that guarantees
that we respond rapidly to emotionally valid information. Think back on your own
education and childhood – our strongest memories link with strong emotions(Le-Doux, 1996).
The gift of de-stressing
De-stressing can be an important part of classroom routines. As research shows that
learning cannot take place when the brain is preoccupied, it is important to allowchildren to clear their minds and become more in tune with their own feelings andemotions. A trigger of stress can be by something as simple as arriving to find asubstitute teacher in the classroom or realizing that they left their homework athome. One of the best gifts you can give a child is teaching them how to manage theirown stress levels; they will take this with them throughout their lives. In fact, too
many children do not have good role models on how to deal with stress. Many adults
never learnt how to manage their stress and therefore manage it by tuning out andwatching TV, shouting at family members, or eating or drinking. John Gottman(1997) states:
Stress Relief 37

In the last decade or so, science has discovered a tremendous amount about the
role emotions play in our lives. Researchers have found that, even more than IQ,
your emotional awareness and abilities to handle feelings will determine your
success and happiness in all walks of life, including family relationships.
Putting it into practice
Meditation exercises
Meditation provides you with a way to cool down and bring the children in your class
into focus. Meditation helps children clear their minds, get ready for learning andhave better concentration. Perfect for after PE lessons or break times, this simple
method allows children to calm their bodies and minds and relax.
1. Children can do these activities at desks or they may prefer to lie down on the floor or get into a
more comfortable position.
2. Ask children to close their eyes. Ask them to imagine they are in another place where they feel
calm and happy.
3. Ask the children to breathe in deeply. Breathe in. Breathe out. Continue deep breathing for one
minute. It is a good idea to play soft classical music or nature sounds in the background.
4. Begin to read the meditation exercises in a slow, even voice, taking time between the words or
phrases.
5. At the end of the meditation, you may wish to continue with the deep breathing.
6. Ask children to open their eyes. Stand up slowly, stretch their arms and notice how relaxed they
feel.
Meditation 1
Close your eyes …breathe in deeply …relax your body …imagine a warm, rainy
day …listen to the raindrops dripping slowly and magically from the sky …Breathe
in and look at the clouds above …see the sunshine peeking out from behind …feel
the calmness of the day …imagine a rainbow in the sky …see the colours of the
rainbow …see how it sparkles and shines …imagine yourself climbing the rainbow
reaching for your dreams …reaching and reaching to the clear blue sky until you can
grab your dreams in your arms.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 38

Meditation 2
Relax …close your eyes …imagine you are a star shining brightly in the night sky …
breathe in deeply …breathe out all your negative energy …for you are a free star
shining in the dark sky …breathe in …imagine yourself flying around visiting all the
other stars or floating higher and higher …in the sky peacefully …breathe out again
…and breathe in deeply full of hopes and dreams from the night sky …and finally
breathe out.
Meditation 3
Breathe in deeply …relax your arms …relax your legs …let your neck and your
face release all the tension inside …breathe out all the stress that has built up in
your body …let your feet hang peacefully …loosen your shoulders …feel all the
tension being released as you breathe deeply out of your stomach …imagine your
body is calm and relaxed …imagine you are floating …all the weight has been
removed from your body …you are weightless and free …feel your calm, relaxed
body swaying in the wind and feeling happy and light-hearted …breathe in and
breathe out …allow your mind to imagine a state of calm and happiness …slowly
open your eyes …
Deep breathing
This simple exercise is very rewarding. Simply by teaching children to breathe in and
out deeply they can release some of the pent-up stress in their systems. Try ityourself! Starting a class with 10 deep breaths in and out can work wonders! It is also
a great strategy to teach during anger management. By breathing in a controlled
fashion, children take the time to think about their actions before they speak or actangrily with another person.
1. Explain the benefits of deep breathing to your children. Perhaps they can brainstorm with you or
do a search on the internet to find ideas.
2. Model the deep breathing method to the children in your class by breathing in deeply and
releasing your breath. Repeat several times.
3. Invite the children to breathe in with you and breathe out. Repeat 10 to 12 times.
Stress Relief 39

The throw away
The Throw Away is a favourite activity from our classrooms. This activity allows
children to express their thoughts in writing and to get rid of them by crumpling
them up and throwing them away.
1. Give children strips of coloured paper.
2. Children write down any angry or disturbing thought or feeling and/or can simply scribble on the
paper.
3. Children then tear up the paper, crumple it and throw it away in a rubbish bin. Items written
down may be private, or children may wish to share them during class meetings or circle time.
4. Explain to children that sometimes writing down a negative thought can release the negativity
than is built up in their system.
EQ theory link
Stress-relief activities come under the self-awareness and self-management cate-
gories in the framework. Children become more aware of when they are feelingstress and are able to use the tools they have to relieve some of that stress, thus
managing their feelings before they feel out of control.
Teacher reflection
Meditation has changed the way our students act considerably! We implemented
morning meditation sessions in our classrooms during homeroom time and foundthat the students calmed down and focused more in their lessons. Several students
also indicated that it helped them to do the exercise before their exams as a way to
feel calm and collected.
Year 3 teacher
Recommended reading
Belknap, M. (1996) Stress Relief for Kids: Taming Your Dragons. New York: Whole
Person Associates.
Dupont, C. and Dupont, M. (2003) The Anxiety Cure for Kids: A Guide for Parents.
Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 40

Eastman, M. and Rozen, S. (1994) Taming the Dragon in Your Child. Hoboken, NJ:
John Wiley.
Garth, M. (1993) Moonbeam: A Book of Meditations for Children. San Francisco:
Harper.
Huebner, D. (1995) What to Do When You Worry Too Much: A Kid’s Guide to
Overcoming Anxiety (What to Do Guides for Kids). Washington DC: Magination
Press.
Sorensen, E. (1993) Children’s Stress and Coping: A Family Perspective. New York:
Guilford Press.
Wilde, J. (1997) Hot Stuff to Help Kids Chill Out . Richmond, IN: Lgr.
Williams, M. (2005), Cool Cats, Calm Kids. Alascadero, CA: Impact.
Reflective questions
1. Is your classroom stress free?
2. Do you gauge the stress level of the children in your class before you start?
3. Do you equip the children with tools to de-stress themselves?
4. What activities can you introduce to help children manage their stress levels?
5. Can you think back to a time when a child in your class was experiencing a high level of stress?
What would you do differently now?
Stress Relief 41

Class Meetings 6
Even beyond the interpersonal area, class meeting time is valuable for children’s
learning and cognitive development.
Vance Weaver
The way a child learns how to make decisions is by making decisions not by fol-
lowing directions.
Alfie Kohn
If I can make a difference in one child’s life, it makes the whole year worth it!
Tasneem K. Nabee
Somebody ripped my painting!
Alex’s face crumpled up in a frown. He sat alone in the corner. Tears started to well
up in his eyes. ‘What happened?’ asked Sarah, a bright little girl with a kind heart.
‘Somebody ripped my painting’ cried Alex. Sarah looked and saw the bright-
coloured painting of a fire truck with a big hole in the centre. Sarah told Mrs Wade
their teacher. ‘Somebody ripped Alex’s painting; I think we should hold a classmeeting.’
After break, all the children sat in a circle. Mrs Wade asked Alex to explain what
had happened. Tearfully, he held up his ripped painting and said he had found it this
way after hanging it up to dry in the art corner.
‘I know who did it’ shouted Katelyn. ‘Well,’ said Mrs Wade, ‘if that person would
like to tell us we will let them say so themselves. For now, though let’s try to solve
the problem. Does anybody have any suggestions?’ ‘He could tape it together again’,volunteered Lisa. ‘Or he could just say ‘‘Never mind’’’, said Michael. ‘No,’ said, Alex,

‘that wouldn’t be OK because I was going to give my mom the painting for Mother’s
Day’ ‘Excuse me, Mrs Wade,’ a teary-eyed Salman called out, ‘it was me! I did it. I
didn’t mean to – it was an accident, but I thought I would get into trouble so I putthe picture back. I want to help Alex paint a new picture. I could get the paints ready
and wash the brushes.’ ‘What do you think Alex?’ asked Mrs Wade. ‘That sounds
good’, he smiled. ‘At least I can still give my mum her painting!’ ‘Does anyoneelse want to say anything?’ ‘There you are – it’s better to own up if you make a
mistake. Then the problem can be solved.’ said Mrs Wade, wrapping up the class
meeting.
During school hours, children go through various issues that might affect them
emotionally. They get so preoccupied with these feelings that the learning channel
becomes blocked. ‘Learning doesn’t take place in isolation from kids’ feelings. Beingemotionally literate is as important for learning as instruction in math and reading’(Goleman, 1995: 301). Sylwester (1998) strongly suggests that children need help tobecome emotionally literate. Many schools are seriously deficient in this area. ‘Thebiggest single problem of our profession is that we never learned how to deal withemotion in school’ (Sylwester 1998:25).
Ellison (2001: 22) urges schools to take on the responsibility for the emotional
development and well being of the child, emphasizing that it is an obligation and not
a choice ‘For many children our schools play a major role in teaching them how to
handle their emotions. It is not a question of whether or not we want to take on thisresponsibility. We must take the responsibility.’
Taking the responsibility to develop a child’s EQ might not always be an easy task,
but ignoring the issue can have negative consequences. In addition, a child who doeslearn how to be emotionally intelligent will most likely have a much improved schoolexperience than a child who was not taught these skills.
What is the responsibility of educators in coaching children to settle conflicts
calmly, instead of using intimidation or threats of violence? We must present chil-
dren with opportunities to experience caring environments, challenge injustice,engage in decision-making, observe pro-social behaviour modelled by adults anddevelop conflict resolution skills (Carlsson-Paige and Lantieri, 2005).
To facilitate the development of a child’s EQ, you need to provide them with an
appropriate set of strategies that will enable them to get the results they work sohard to achieve. The use of class meetings or circle time is one such strategy.
Class Meetings 43

What is a class meeting?
Class meetings are an ideal way to let children become engaged in productive
decision-making in their classrooms. Children develop feelings of respect, trust andappreciation among teachers and other children. Class meetings assist children in
creating their own systems of accountability and responsibility for their classroom.
If we give children the opportunity to develop these systems themselves a better
sense of responsibility results as they have ownership over the process. Children feel
more motivated and positive towards the school when they believe they have a say in
the processes.
Class meetings are an effective way for children to reflect on their practices,
express themselves, listen to each other, be empathetic and develop their problem-solving skills. We can discuss in a positive way the daily situations that arise in schooland the children themselves can reflect on their behaviour and come up with feasiblesolutions to the problems they encounter.
A class meeting can take place during a regularly allotted time for such discus-
sions. The first or last 15 minutes of class may be appropriate or simply a time when
you or a child in the class thinks it is necessary. One way to implement this is to havea box in the class where children can fill in a slip indicating their desire for a meetingand what they want to discuss. These slips can be anonymous or children can identifythemselves depending on how comfortable they are.
We recommend setting up a class meeting in a way that is caring, friendly and
emotionally safe. The size of the group should be reasonable. If the number is toolarge, the meeting will not be effective, as not all children will have the opportunityto express their feelings or points of view. With larger numbers, too, the task of
reaching a solution that satisfies everyone becomes more difficult. With a reasonably
sized group, the children will feel more connected and the bond between them willgrow faster. In larger classes, it may be advisable to break the class into two smaller
groups.
Putting it into practice
Talking stick
Native American Indians have utilized the talking stick for hundreds of years as a way
to have a fair and impartial discussion. The use of the talking stick was to authorize
who had the privilege of speaking during community meetings. When difficult
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 44

problems arose, the principal elder would hold the talking stick and embark on the
debate. When he completed his point of view he would offer the talking stick to the
group and anyone who wanted to speak after him would take it. The NativeAmerican Indians would pass the stick around until all parties had a chance to
express their point of view and come to a joint solution in a civil and organized
manner.
Explain the tradition to the children and ask a group of children to make a ‘talking
stick for the class to use during class meetings’. Once a meeting has been decided as
part of a regular timeslot or at the request of yourself or the children due to an issuethat has arisen, join in a circle. The children will need to feel that you are notpreoccupied and able to focus so that they can open up, so make sure you are in thecorrect frame of mind. Use your own emotional intelligence skills to check your own
emotional state and be prepared to adjust it if necessary. Alternatively, if this is not
possible, you might want to postpone this meeting to another more suitable time.Holding the talking stick give a brief introduction to clarify the purpose of the
meeting. If the aim of the meeting is to rectify a specific situation, encourage the
children concerned to speak up first each taking turns to hold the stick. Listenactively and avoid being judgemental. Acknowledge problems. Acknowledgingdoesn’t mean that you agree with what they say; it simply means that you understand
the problem from their point of view and realize how they feel about it. Try not to
give ready answers or solutions. Help the children reach an agreement and solve theirown problems. Appreciate their honesty and thank them for it. Make sure, as far aspossible, that everyone leaves in a happy frame of mind.
Small-group/specific-issue meetings
We suggest this approach when you want to develop specific skills in a small group of
children or when there is a problem or an issue to be resolved with a small group. Forexample, a small group of children are bullying a child who is new to the class. You asthe class teacher find this unacceptable. You hold a class meeting and share yourobservations and perceptions with the children. You invite all the children includingthe child who was bullied to express their points of view and how they feel about it.You listen to everyone, give everyone the chance to speak until the children resolve
the issue among themselves. You can facilitate the discussion on emotions at the
beginning by providing faces with different emotions on it. You can ask children toshow the emotion they feel about the situation and then discuss it.
Class Meetings 45

Teacher reflection
Class meetings helped my classroom to flourish. Children became responsible for
their own behaviour management and helped each other to find solutions toproblems in creative and caring ways. Starting your day with a morning class
meeting provides numerous opportunities to support social and emotional learning:
It helps build a sense of community, creates a climate of trust, encourages
respectful communication and much, much more.
Year 5 teacher
EQ theory link
Class meeting time develops self-awareness and relationship management skills in
children. By discovering the consequences their actions have on the feelings ofothers, children are able to develop empathy and respect for others. Children hear
other people’s stories and are able to see how that person feels – a perspective they
may have been unable to visualize previously.
Figure 3: Group discussion with the help of emotion cue cards.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 46

Recommended reading
Borba, M. and Craig B. (1993) Self-Esteem: A Classroom Affair, 101 Ways to Help
Children like Themselves. San Francisco: Harper.
Curwin, R. L. and Mendler, N. A. (1998) Discipline with Dignity. Alexandria, VA:
Association for Supervision and Curriculum Development.
Dreikurs, R. and Loren G. (1993) New Approach to Discipline: Logical Consequences.
New York: Plume.
Gootman, M. E. (2000) The Loving Parents’ Guide to Discipline: How to Teach Your
Child to Behave – With Kindness, Understanding, and Respect. New York:
Berkeley.
Kreidler, W. J. and Tsubokawa, S. (1999) Early Childhood Adventures in Peace-
making: A Conflict Resolution Guide for Early Childhood Educators (2nd edn).
Cambridge, MA: Educators for Social Responsibility.
Styles, D. (2001) Class Meetings. Markham, ON: Pembroke.
Sullo, R. (1993) Teach Them to be Happy. Chapel Hill, NC: New View.
Reflective questions
1. Have you ever used the class meeting in your teaching experience? How did you find it?
2. Do you think using class meetings would be useful in your context? If yes, please justify.
3. Would class size be an issue? If yes, how can you solve this problem?
4. What are the characteristics of effective class meetings?5. Do you think you might face obstacles in implementing class meetings? If so, what kind(s) of
obstacles, and how can you overcome them?
6. What benefits do you think you and you class will gain from implementing class meetings?
Class Meetings 47

Journal Writing 7
I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as they tangle with human
emotions.
James Michener
Writing, I think, is not apart from living. Writing is a kind of double living. The writer
experiences everything twice. Once in reality and once in that mirror which waits
always before or behind.
Catherine Drinker Bowen, Atlantic , December 1957
Journal writing is its own reward. Once you get started, your journal will become
another one of your good friends – one who is always available and has the time to
listen attentively.
Unknown
When seeking to increase the ability of children to assume another’s perspective, it
is most fruitful to have them focus first on their own feelings – the different kinds of
feelings they have and what feelings are associated with what kinds of situations.
Black and Phillips 1982
Ahmed’s powerful words
Ahmed had the worst day ever. At least he thought it was. He ran to his room and
slammed the door shut. He pulled his journal from under his desk. First, he hadforgotten his homework. He had really done it and he had worked hard on it too, but
Ms Jones has just deplored ‘No excuses!’ and he got a zero. Then his friend Billy got a
new Power Ranger toy but instead of letting him play with him, he went off with
Troy who had one too, and they said he couldn’t play until he brought a Power

Ranger as well. He was all alone in the break and he could feel his chest tightening
and his throat starting to ache.
At least he had English next, he loved Ms Smart, she always smiled at him and he
knew that she liked him even if he forgot his homework sometimes. Last montheveryone had started writing a journal. The journal was secret and only Ms Smart and
each child could see it. They could write anything they liked in it but Ms Smartasked them to write about their feelings and how they solved problems. She had
taught them to go back and read days when they were sad or angry, to see if their
solution had worked, how they felt about it now and if it was really as big a deal asthey had thought at the time.
Ahmed remembered another day when Billy hadn’t played with him; he thought
Billy would never play with him again. He had written about how sad he was and that
he would be alone every break time from then on. But as Ahmed read the pages in-
between he realized that that wasn’t true. They had played together every other dayapart from today again. Once Ahmed started writing he felt better, at least Ms Smart
would know how he felt. Sometimes she even gave suggestions to them on how they
could solve their problems. Once a week Ms Smart had ‘conference time’ togetherwith her students one by one and she would ask them to think of solutions to theirproblems.
Ahmed felt better after he wrote about his anger and sadness. As he read back
from days gone by he realized that this was just a bump in the road and that it would
pass just as his other bad days had.
Learning about self through journal writing
Journal writing is a wonderful way of expressing emotions. With journal writing
comes the skill of using emotional literacy. That is the ability to understand, expressand recognize your emotions. At times we may not even be aware of our feelings andyet they influence us profoundly. By encouraging children to write in journals thisself-awareness will be established.
Goleman (1995) explains how the brain is competing for learning and strong
emotions to work in sync. Any experienced teacher can tell you the impact a negative
event has on classroom learning. This is because the amygdala is hijacked and causeschildren to lose concentration on the learning at hand while they sort out theiremotional base. By giving children a tool such as journal writing, they are able to workthrough their emotions in a positive manner.
Journal writing can help children by liberating internal stress. When we hold onto
powerful emotions without truly expressing them, then inhibitions are created
Journal Writing 49

leading to internal stress on our minds and bodies. Journal writing can help children
to integrate and understand their feelings and thoughts while experiencing a release
of stress.
Writing about personal problems is known to help people by allowing for a release
of the negative emotions surrounding the dilemma (Pennebaker, 1997). Coping withtraumatic or stressful happenings through therapeutic writing has been deliberated atlength over the last 15 years. Therapeutic writing entails writing about the emotions,
feelings and views surrounding a stressful incident. Research shows that writing for
short periods for several days in a row can lead to productive outcomes (Pennebakerand Seagal, 1999). In fact, benefits of writing to express emotions can include highergrades and fewer visits to medical practitioners (Pennebaker and Francis, 1996) andbetter self-awareness of personal issues (Francis and Pennebaker, 1991).
Putting it into practice
As part of encouraging children to write we must prepare them with the correct
vocabulary and improve their emotional literacy. A list of words is included in the
Emotional Literacy Bank in the Appendix. Depending on the age of the children in
your class you can introduce these words by including an emotional literacy wall inyour classroom. Introducing an emotional literacy word bank at the back of thechild’s journal where they can add words as they learn them or come across them, or
by simply bringing up these words in daily lesson time as appropriate, is also a goodidea.
You can have children write a feelings journal in which they document their
emotional reactions to situations that occur in school such as their accomplishments,failures and interactions. Try to make journal writing a regular occurrence by pro-
viding time for it. Five to ten minutes at the start or end of a lesson are enough time
for most kids to jot down their feelings and emotions. Developing journal writing intoa daily habit is a gift children will cherish for a lifetime.
The design of the journal should be a personal choice and is very important. If
children like the book, they are more likely to treasure it and to use it frequently.Children may like a ready-made book, or may prefer to choose a blank cover and
decorate and design it themselves.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 50

Figure 4: A child expressing anger and frustration
Journal Writing 51

Using current events to stimulate thoughts
1. Bring in an article from a newspaper or a magazine about an issue they may be interested in and
which would promote empathy and read it with the children. Topics such as war, natural
disasters, or fundraising for illnesses make for good discussion points. In future, encourage the
children to bring in the articles themselves.
2. Hold a discussion with the children on the topic. What emotions come up in the discussion: fear,
disgust, jealousy, anger, sadness, or joy?
3. Children can then use their journals to write a response to the article. Other options you can
explore include writing letters to the editors expressing their feelings on the topic. Work can also
be done writing from the point of view of a person in the situation that is then discussed to
promote empathy.
Emotional quotes
1. Give children a quote and ask them to respond in their journals. Discussion about the meaning of
the quote will help to enhance this activity.
2. A list of suggested quotes is found below.
Emotional intelligence quotes to stimulate journal
writing
Anger quotes
Anybody can become angry, that is easy; but to be angry with the right person and
to the right degree, and at the right time, and for the right purpose, and in the rightway, that is not within everybody’s power, that is not easy.
Aristotle
He who angers you conquers you.
Elizabeth Kenny
Anger is one letter short of danger.
Unknown
People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing.
Will Rogers
Happy quotes
Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love whatyou are doing, you will be successful.
Albert Schweitzer
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 52

To live happily is an inward power of the soul.
Aristotle
Happiness is not having what you want. It is wanting what you have.
Unknown
True happiness is not attained through self-gratification, but through fidelity to a
worthy purpose.
Helen Keller
You will never be happier than you expect. To change your happiness, change yourexpectation.
Bette Davis
Envy, jealousy quotes
The grass is always greener on the other side
Unknown
Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies othersdoes not obtain peace of mind
Prince Gautama Siddhartha
Using journals with small groups
1. Let the children read stories from the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, or other books with
emotional stories. There are many interesting stories that children can relate to.
2. Have children try to put themselves in another person’s shoes. For example, discuss what it must
feel like to be a taxi driver on a hot summer’s day, or a nurse in a rushed hospital. Think about a
parent who has lost a child or mother who knows she is terminally ill. Ask the children to put
themselves in those people’s shoes and see if they can better understand their actions and
emotions. This is one way of showing children how to develop empathy.
3. Children then write in their journals as though they are the person mentioned above.
4. Share the writings with the group and discuss why such thoughts and feelings emerged.
Using journal prompts
1. Write one of the prompts from the list below or your own on the board and ask children to
complete their writing.
‘I feel happiest when …’
‘The best day I ever had was …’
‘I feel sad when …’
Journal Writing 53

‘I am most scared of …’
‘Today I felt …’
‘When I am angry I …’
‘My greatest fear is …’
‘My big goal is …’
‘In the future, I hope to …’
‘One thing I would like to improve in myself is …’
‘My best qualities are …’
‘One way I can be a better person would be to …’
‘I feel lucky because …’
‘I am grateful that …’
‘If my friends ask me to do something I feel uncomfortable with, I would …’
‘If I saw a friend being bullied, I would …’
‘My idea to make our school bully-free is …’
‘When I feel upset I …’
‘When I feel envious I …’
EQ theory link
Self-awareness is developed by journal writing. Children are able to reflect and
discover solutions for themselves through the art of writing. Journal writing not onlyhelps with stress relief and providing a clearer vision for young children but it alsohelps them to reflect on their feelings. Children are able to reflect on their writingslater in order to better understand the process of thinking and feeling they wentthrough.
Teacher reflection
Journal writing has helped my students find a private place where they can safely
express themselves without repercussions. They can say exactly what is on their
mind and reflect on ways to solve their problems
Year 6 teacher
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 54

Recommended reading
Capacchione, L. (1989) The Creative Journal for Children A Guide for Parents,
Teachers and Counselors . Cambria, CA: Shambhala.
Geiss, C. and Jessup, C. (2002). Inner Outings: Adventures in Journal Writing .
Novato, CA: New World Library.
Meyer, L. (1997) Quotes for Kids: Today’s Interpretations of Timeless Quotes
Designed to Nurture the Young Spirit . Hershey, PA: Reach Press.
Perry, L. (2005) Pictures of My Days – An Art and Writing Workbook for Creating
the Life You Want. East Cleveland, OH: Forest Hill.
Reflection questions
1. How can written expression help the children in your classroom?
2. Can your own written reflections help you to be a better teacher?
3. When completing language arts activities in your classroom can you integrate EQ into the task?
4. Do you encourage the children in your class to write their innermost thoughts and to review
these thoughts at later dates?
Journal Writing 55

Storytelling 8
If you don’t know the trees you may be lost in the forest, but if you don’t know the
stories you may be lost in life.
Unknown
Life itself is the most wonderful fairytale of all.
Hans Christian Andersen
Storytelling is the most powerful way to put ideas into the world today.
Robert McKee
A new child in Mrs Lupton’s class
Mrs Lupton’s Year 5 class was busy preparing for their yearly play. All the parents
were coming and there was lots of scurrying and running as the children prepared
props and painted backgrounds. Everyone was in a festive mood, everyone apart from
Sarah. Sarah’s family had just moved to the neighbourhood and Sarah didn’t have apart in the play because she had come too late. She felt awkward and in the way.Nobody spoke to her during break; she sat all alone. How she wished she were back
in Canada at her old school. Instead, she was in a new country and a new school
where everyone was too busy to notice her she thought. Although Mrs Lupton was a
busy teacher, she was caring and she had noticed that Sarah was getting lost in all the
action. Mrs Lupton invited everyone to sit in a circle – ‘it’s storytelling time’ sheannounced, as she gathered the children around her. She had a carefully chosen bookwith her. As they read the story Franklin’s New Friend (Bourgeois, 1997) about a
new student who joins Franklin’s class, she asked how the children thought that
person would feel. She then asked the children what they could do since they had a

new child in their class. Shyly some of the children looked at Sarah. ‘We could invite
her to play with us at break?’ they said. ‘We could let her help us with the play’, said
Tony. ‘Hey, let’s make a part for Sarah in the play’, shouted Tommy. ‘Yeah she couldbe a passerby on the road’, said Melissa. ‘What a good idea’ exclaimed Ms Lupton.
‘What do you think, Sarah?’ She was very happy to be included. Maybe this place
won’t be so bad after all, she thought.
What is bibliotherapy?
Bibliotherapy, defined as the use of books to assist people in being able to solve
problems, is a wonderful tool to develop emotional intelligence. Another, more
precise definition is that bibliotherapy is a technique for structuring interactionbetween a facilitator and a participant based on the mutual sharing of literature
(Pardeck, 1989).
Many children enter school without the required social, emotional and academic
fundamentals needed in order to flourish. Books, stories and other literature or
‘bibliotherapy’ is one strategy that you can use to help individual children or smallgroups of children solve problems, develop empathy and cultivate further insight intothemselves. Reading is a therapeutic device that enables us to relax, develop empathyfor the characters in the book and take on roles we never would in real life. Wefrequently finish a book acquiring fresh perspectives and thoughts. By reading lit-erature on a specific topic you can help children triumph over the emotional tur-bulences associated with real-life difficulties. These stories can then function as acatalyst for conversations and determination of potential solutions to predicamentschildren are facing. Storytelling encourages teachers to find books, stories or other
reading materials corresponding to the distinct requirements of each child in order to
support student attainment and improvement (Johnson, Wan, Templeton, Graham
and Sattler, 2000). In fact, these stories and literature can serve as a springboard forintervention and self-regulation.
Bibliotherapy began long ago in ancient Greece where they used stories to cure
those who were psychologically unwell (Stroud, Stroud and Staley, 1999). G. O.Ireland in 1930 was the first to suggest literature as a way of proposing resolutions to
prevailing troubles and diminishing children’s internal emotional unrest (Ouzts,
1991). In fact, Pardeck (1994) explains how counsellors ‘prescribed’ literature in the1930s, after which librarians started to accumulate records of literature that could
assist children in adjusting their views, emotions and behaviours.
The benefits of using storytelling in schools are obvious to most educators. While
reading, children learn valuable lessons as they identify with a story’s characters or
Storytelling 57

predicaments. The more children can connect with a book’s characters or storyline,
the stronger the emotional bond they will experience. This connection lets children
appreciate that others tackle comparable circumstances and situations, consequentlyaffording a type of emotional healing (Herbert and Furner, 1997).
Objectives of bibliotherapy
Pardeck (1994) recognized bibliotherapy as having six potential objectives:
1. To offer information.
2. To provide insight into a specific experience or situation.
3. To provide alternative solutions to the problem.
4. To stimulate a discussion of what the actual problem is.5. To communicate new values and attitudes with regard to the problem.
6. To help children understand that they are not the only one who has experienced this problem.
The guidelines below are to support the implementation of storytelling or bib-
liotherapy in the classroom.
1. Acknowledge the problem, circumstances, or difficulty to be resolved.
2. Choose a suitable book, story, or poem to share with a child or group of children.
3. Either read the story with the child or give the child the story to read alone.
4. Follow up with discussion and activities for the child(ren) in relation to the issues you wish to
address.
Benefits for children
Goleman (1995) acknowledged six positive results from the use of bibliotherapy for
children:
1. Fewer incidents of physical violence in the classroom.
2. Less name-calling.3. Smaller numbers of put-downs.
4. Better conflict-resolution strategies.
5. Improved sensitivity towards fellow children.
6. Augmented capability of listening to classmates.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 58

Putting it into practice
Storytelling allows children to identify and gain insight into their personality and to
learn more about themselves and their responses to events or people. This self-awareness can facilitate a decrease in apprehension, despair and isolation experienced
by numerous children with social or emotional problems. The ideas suggested below
are a few ways you can help to improve EQ skills in the children you teach.
Small-group work
You notice that one of the children is feeling lonely. He does not seem to belong to
any group, and during break time he spends most of his time wandering around
aimlessly. Forcing him to join the other children is not a good idea, so you decide todevelop the other children’s awareness of the problem. The aim is to let them feelwhat this lonely child is going through and to encourage the children to choose toinvite this child to be part of the group.
You choose a story that reflects the situation. We recommend I’m Lonely (Your
Feelings) by Brian Moses (1997) for this particular situation.
1. Invite the children look at the cover of the book and read the title to predict what the storyline is.
2. Read the story aloud asking questions to check comprehension.
3. Focus the questions on the points that will help you achieve your target.
4. Ask the children to retell the story.5. Let them reflect and talk about their own experiences and where appropriate ask them to
imagine how the character of the story must have felt.
6. Relate the discussion to the current problem or concern if appropriate.
7. Let the children express their opinions and any solutions they may have for the characters.
8. Extension activities such as drawing, journal writing or drama can follow.
Individual difficulties
You know that Gemma, a child in kindergarten, is feeling upset as her parents have
just divorced. In consultation with Gemma’s parents, you as the teacher can offerGemma a variety of books to read such as Mama and Daddy Bear’s Divorce by
Cornelia Maude Spelman (2001) or Two Homes by Claire Masurel (2001).
Storytelling 59

1. Select an appropriate book
2. Read aloud the story or involve the parents in reading the book to their child. If children are older
they can read the book themselves.
3. Provide a time for discussion of the story and any similarities or differences to the characters they
felt.
4. Follow up with expressive activities such as art, music or drama as described later in this book.
My point of view
1. Read the story The True Story of the Three Little Pigs by Jon Scieszka (1995). This chronicles the
famous fairytale from the point of view of the wolf!
2. Discuss with the children our tendency to see things from one point of view, but explain that we
must consider others’ points of view as well .
3. Read children excerpts from books. Ask them to explain the point of view of the character. Then
ask them to imagine they were the character’s friend, mother, teacher or any other suitable
character. How would that person feel?
4. In future, choose stories as needed but encourage children to step inside the character’s shoes
and imagine for a minute what that character was thinking and feeling. Think about how othercharacters feel as well.
5. Extension activities can include writing from two different points of view. For example, two
children could each write a journal pretending to be different characters from the story. They can
then share their journals with the class, discussing the emotions that each character felt and
why.
EQ theory link
Storytelling can incorporate all five aspects of Goleman’s framework. As they read
and develop connections to stories, their own self-awareness is improved. Childrencan learn about empathy, management of emotions, and many other important traitsfrom storytelling sessions that link to relationship awareness and management.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 60

Teacher reflection
‘I use stories regularly in my class. I try to find stories about bullying, different
feelings and other situations that arise in my class. At times when I know one of my
students is going through a personal event at home I provide them with specific
reading material. I have seen the difference a story can make in a child’s life and will
always include stories in my classroom.
Year 3 teacher
Recommended reading
Kilpatrick, W. (1994) Books That Build Character: A Guide to Teaching Your Child
Moral Values through Stories. New York: Touchstone.
Mather, A. and Weldon, L. (2006) Character Building Day by Day: 180 Quick
Read-Alouds for Elementary School and Home. Minneapolis, MN: Free Spirit.
Prendiville, F. (2000) Drama and Traditional Story for the Early Years. London:
RoutledgeFalmer.
Schwartz, L. (1990) What would you Do? A Kid’s Guide to Tricky and Sticky
Situations . Huntington Beach, CA: The Learning Works.
Reflective questions
1. How can you use storytelling in your class to promote emotional intelligence?
2. Can you think of stories that you can use to promote empathy? Can you encourage the children
to see others’ points of view?
3. Are there children in your class that could benefit from bibliotherapy? How will you support
them?
4. Can you enlist the help of your librarian or others in your quest to find suitable materials for each
of your children’s unique needs?
Storytelling 61

Powerful Poetry 9
Creativity is most necessary in times of emotional hardship, such as when we’re
frustrated or angry.
Joshua Freedman, 6seconds.org
Poetry is a deal of joy and pain and wonder, with a dash of the dictionary.
Kahlil Gibran
Out of the quarrel with others we make rhetoric; out of the quarrel with ourselves
we make poetry.
W. B. Yeats
A poem begins with a lump in the throat.
Robert Frost
Jason’s poem
Jason sat down at the table, clearly angry at the world. ‘Today we are going to write
poetry about the beauty of the world’ exclaimed Ms Winston. ‘First, we need tobrainstorm …’ Jason’s mind trailed off. ‘Beauty …what beauty!’ he thought …‘I
hate everything and everybody …the world sucks!’ ‘ Jason,’ called Ms Winston, ‘I
asked you a question.’ Jason was suddenly pulled back to reality. ‘What?’ he whis-
pered. ‘Oh yeah, beauty …um …nothing comes to mind’, he said. ‘I don’t see
anything beautiful. I see only ugliness’. Ms Winston was taken aback but decided to
go forward and explore Jason’s feelings. ‘Well, describe to us the ugliness then.’ Jason
smirked and complained, ‘It is black and cold. It is mean and horrible.’ ‘OK, now let’s
see if you can make a poem from that’, said Ms Winston.

The Ugly World We Live In by Jason Hall
It is black and cold
It is mean and oldIt is lonely and dark
I am a lone lark
Ms Winston was prompted to discuss the poem with Jason. It emerged that
Jason’s neighbour and best friend had moved to the other side of the country, and
Jason was feeling upset. Ms Winston was then able to provide Jason with support
through bibliotherapy, journal writing and artistic expressions to help him deal with
the strong emotions he was experiencing. What could have led to a downward spiralbecame a positive sharing event between Ms Winston and Jason.
Poetry as a tool in EQ
Children often express themselves more thoughtfully when writing poetry. A variety
of techniques including using two-voice poetry to promote empathy and as a means
to reinforce and deepen emotional literacy will be introduced in this chapter, but
first let us look at the reason why poetry is a useful tool.
Using poetry to develop and express emotions has a long history in the expressive
arts community. Poem therapy is a type of therapy that helps patients express and
improve their emotional well-being by reading, writing and analysing poetry (NAPT,1997). The benefits of poem therapy can be adapted to help children in schools todevelop their emotional intelligence.
Reading poems written by others offers a way for children to make connections
and associations with the author’s work. It allows them to connect with their
emotions and understand they are not the only ones who are feeling such emotions.
In their own poetry, children may discover channels for troubling thoughts orsituations in a non-threatening way. Speaking frankly about emotional situations can
be very challenging for some children but poetry gives them an outlet to do so. As
Coetzee and Jansen (2007: 89) state, ‘A high nurturance classroom environmentfosters an open mind and heart. It empowers learners on their journey of self-
understanding and self-appreciation. It is an environment where they can share ideas
without being judged.’
Powerful Poetry 63

Poetry to develop empathy
Using poetry to develop empathy is also a wonderful tool for teachers. Ingram
(2003:14) states: ‘An approach I have found helpful is the introduction of poetry;specifically sociocultural poetry; into the curriculum as a way to reach empathy skills
that foster self-understanding and self-acceptance and aid in the process of under-
standing culturally diverse lived experiences.’
Empathy is a skill all the children in our classes need to learn. Assisting our
children to grow into empathetic, compassionate adults is a gift that will help them
throughout their lives.
Putting it into practice
Poetry is another form of self-expression. There are many opportunities to use
poetry in the classroom to improve emotional intelligence. Bringing emotionalintelligence into poetry comes naturally and can really give you insight into your
students’ feelings and struggles and triumphs! Each child’s unique voice will be heard
when you introduce these activities.
Promoting emotional literacy through poetry
1. Discuss with children a variety of emotions and what they mean to each person. Perhaps have
cards with different emotions written on then.
2. Read children the poem below as an example of a poem based on the word ‘mad’.
3. Discuss the similes in the poem.
4. Have children write their own poem based on this poem using an emotion they choose.
5. Display the children’s work.
I’m mad
I’m mad …
Mad as a swarming beehive
Mad as the rain belting down from the skyMad as a red streak on a van GoghMad as a steaming kettle …Ready to boil
I’m mad
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 64

Two-voice poems
Two-voice poems are a wonderful way for children to learn about empathy.
1. Share the following poem with the children in your class.
2. Discuss how people can see the same event from completely different points of view.
3. Ask children to work in pairs each taking one point of view of a situation.
4. Together the children can write a two-voice poem.
5. Ask each pair to read the poem aloud in two voices.
6. Discuss the different points of view the poems offer.
Jimmy doesn’t want to play with me vs. Hey where is Jimmy?
Why doesn’t he want to play with me?
Hey, I wonder where Jimmy is.
He has so many friends – maybe he forgot about me.
I guess he went to play football with the others
Now I have to spend recess all alone
It’s much more fun to play together
Nervous vs. Well prepared
I’m so scared
She looks very prepared
I don’t think I can do this
I know she will do a great job
I hope I don’t pass out
I can see her confidence is growing each day
OK here it goes
What a beautiful presentation
I did it! Yeah it wasn’t so bad
She is a natural speaker!
Shape poems
1. Ask children to choose a shape such as a teardrop, heart or lightning bolt that represents an
emotion to them.
2. Children write a poem inside or around the edges of the shape that reflect their feelings.
Acrostic poems
1. Brainstorm different emotions with the children.
Powerful Poetry 65

2. Ask children to write words or phrases that exemplify that emotion beginning with each of the
letters of the emotion.
3. Children write and illustrate their poems.
4. Display their work on a Feelings Board.
Greedy
Give me everything
Rightfully mine
Everything is for me
Everyone else deserves nothing
Die trying to get more and more and more
You – don’t get in my way I need more!
Love
Lots of friends and family
Our hearts are full of joy
Very good relationships
Everyone respects each other
EQ theory link
Poetry links into two dimensions of the EQ theory. The in-depth exploration of
feelings that takes place during poetry-writing develops self-awareness. By linking
feelings with words and images, children can explore deeper meanings in their life
experiences. Relationship awareness develops with the use of two-voice poems toexplore empathy.
Teacher reflection
I love using poetry in my class. Poems help me to learn about my students’ hidden
feelings and struggles. Many times, I have been pleasantly surprised that a normallyclosed student has opened up in a poetry session.
Year 7 teacher
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 66

Figure 5: Being Angry – A child’s acrostic poem using the word angry.
Powerful Poetry 67

Recommended reading
Andrews, M. (1996) Paint a Poem: Imaginative Ideas for the Writing and Pre-
sentation of Poetry with Children from Five to Eleven Years. London: Belair.
Holbrook, S. (2003) By Definition: Poems of Feelings. Honesdale, PA: Boyds Mills
Press.
Kock, K. and Padgett, R. (1970) Wishes, Lies and Dreams: Teaching Children to
Write Poetry. New York: Hunter House.
Mecury, F. (2005) Feelings: A First Poem Book about Feelings . London: Mecury
Books.
Mitton, T. (2005) I Want to Shout and Stamp about!: Poems About Being Angry
(Poemotions). London: Hodder Children’s Books.
Reflective questions
1. Poetry is an expressive art. How can you incorporate this type of writing into your class?
2. Are there particular children in your class who may open up especially well in this medium? Can
you give these children more opportunities to use poetry?
3. Can you change the poetry units you teach so that you explore emotional intelligence skills as
well as language skills?
4. How can you effectively display and value your children’s poetry?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 68

EQ through
Songs and Music 10
He who sings scares away his woes.
Cervantes
Music is what feelings sound like.
Unknown
Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy. Music is the electric soil
in which the spirit lives, thinks and invents.
Beethoven
Paolo’s musical creation
Paolo was angry. His friend Giorgio had just made fun of him in front of all the other
boys in his class. He had trusted Giorgio but now he felt betrayed. Paolo felt his
stomach tightening …they had been using instruments to make the sounds of
emotions this week and Paolo knew that he could make the sound of his anger very
clear by booming it out on the bass and the drums. Paolo ran to the drums andstarted to bang them with a strong beat. Ms Knowles asked Paolo what the matterwas. Paolo replied ‘Nothing’. Ms Knowles explained they were going to write songs
and put them to music. Paolo decided to write a rap song. Ms Knowles asked them tothink of a situation in which the children had felt a strong emotional feeling like love,happiness, jealousy or anger. As Paolo worked on his rap song he felt a release of thetension in his body. Later he stood in front of the class and presented his song thatwas clearly about the anger he felt and the betrayal of trust. After, Giorgio came to
Paolo and apologized. ‘I didn’t know I would make you so angry’, he said. ‘It was justa joke.’ Paolo felt better, his anger was pushed out of his mind in a positive way.

Music and self-expression
Throughout the ages, music has had a strong connection to emotions. People reg-
ularly turn to music to uplift them in happy times or to comfort themselves whensadness strikes. Music affects us all. Recently, scientists have sought to explain the
way music influences us at an emotional level. Research that links melody and the
mind indicates that listening to and playing music can alter how our brains function.The healing power of music, over body and spirit, is only just beginning to be
appreciated. Music therapists have long advocated music to help reduce anxiety and
stress as music helps with changing of moods and emotional states to ones that aremore positive.
Music permits children to convey emotions that may not be definable through
words (Kerr, Walsh and Marshall, 2001). In fact, research on music and emotionsproposes that music helps in producing a more relaxed mood and reduces stress(Hanser, 1985). Creating and performing music promotes self-expression and gives
pleasure to others. What better way for children to express their feelings in a positivemanner than by creating music and songs or listening to music themselves.
Pouliot (1998:146) says that research studies ‘do advance the concept that music
has the capacity to make us smarter, happier and healthier. Whether it’s in terms ofenhancing our immune system, reducing our feeling of pain, or heightening ourability to reason and perform logical operations, music may be just the panacea we’reall looking for.’
Song lyrics are also important ways to convey messages to children. They enjoy
the beat and find it easy to learn the lyrics. ‘For me, all music conveys emotion andmeaning, even the very easiest pieces. Elementary pieces should contain emotion and
meaning both for the listener and for the performer. Perhaps, it could be helpful for a
performer to imagine himself outside of his body, as being the listener, and thendescribe what the listener should feel when he hears this piece played’ (Magrath,
2007: 80).
Putting it into practice
Songs and music can help children in many ways. Think about yourself, what do you
listen to when you are happy? How about if you are sad or heartbroken? Music is
definitely about feelings! Children can use music to develop their emotional intel-ligence in several ways.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 70

Listening to music/songs
1. Play a variety of short pieces of different types of music.
2. Discuss what emotions each piece makes the children feel.
3. Ask children to bring in a piece of music to class that makes them feel happy. Play parts of each
song and discuss with the children how and why each piece feels happy …is it because of
memories, the beat, or the lyrics? Does it inspire dreams or open possibilities?
4. Another day, choose the emotions of sadness, anger, or jealousy and ask children to bring in
music to reflect these feelings.
5. Further work can be done by encouraging children to draw or paint while the music is playing.
Musical feelings
1. Play a variety of short musical clips.
2. Pass around a box with various paintings or coloured papers inside. Children can choose either a
painting or colours that reflect the music feelings and mood.
3. Children hold up their colour or painting after the music stops and discuss the reasons why the
music evokes such feelings. Alternatively, after each piece of music hold a discussion about what
type of feelings the music expressed.
Emotional intelligence songs
Another way to use music in the classroom is to introduce EQ songs. Children can
also write their own based on a familiar tune. Here are a few written by HelenMaffini:
Feelings
Happy Feelings
Happy Feelings
Make me glad, Make me glad
See my smiling face, See my smiling face
Laugh, Laugh, Laugh
Laugh, Laugh, Laugh
Sad Feelings, Sad FeelingsMake me cry, Make me crySee my tears streaming, See my tears streaming
Sigh, Sigh Sigh
Sigh, Sigh Sigh
Angry feelings, Angry FeelingsMake me mad, Make me madSee my frowning face,
EQ through Songs and Music 71

See my frowning face,
I feel bad,
I feel bad,
I’m Special
I’m a special person can’t you see
I am wonderful, there’s only one me!
I have hobbies and things I like to do,Yes, there’s only one me and that is true!And if you get to know me you will see,Just how wonderful I can be
Making songs
1. Listen to a variety of songs such as rap songs, nursery rhymes or another genre of music.
2. In groups of 3 to 4 children, ask each group to choose an emotion to focus on.
3. Write the lyrics to a song based on the emotion. One way to encourage children is to write the
emotion in the form of a story.
4. Put the lyrics to music and perform for the class. Rap is often a good choice for these activities, as
are nursery rhymes for the younger children
Making music
1. Children choose from a variety of musical instruments such as tambourines, recorders, drums,
bells, triangles, etc.
2. Have a bag filled with emotional literacy words.
3. Children choose a word, and then try to make the sound of that emotion using the instruments.
(For example, anger may be drums beating loudly and quickly with all instruments shaking
loudly, sadness may be the triangle tinkling softly in the backgrounds of slow drum beat.)
4. Remember there are no right or wrong answers in this activity. Follow each with discussion.
EQ link
Music can help with self-awareness and self-management. By giving children options
to express themselves and ways to manage their emotions through music, they willdevelop these skills and be able to use them independently outside school. You can
use music to promote empathy by allowing children to realize that others experience
the same feelings as they do and they are not alone.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 72

Teacher reflection
Music is a key component in my teaching. I always play soft music in the back-
ground as a soothing and calming technique. I often try to encourage students to
present work musically as I find they can express their emotions loud and clear
when using this tool!
Year 1 teacher
Recommended reading
Glover, J. and Ward, S. (1998) Teaching Music in the Primary School (2nd edn).
London: Continuum.
Jensen, E. (2000) Music with the Brain in Mind. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Juslin, P. and Sloboda, J. (2001) Music and Emotion: Theory and Research . London:
Oxford University Press.
Reflective questions
1. Do you provide opportunities for self-expression through music in your classroom?
2. How can you promote the emotional expression of the children using music or songs?3. Can you think of any particular children who may benefit from the use of music in order to learn
more about their emotions?
4. Why might children enjoy having music as part of their class?
EQ through Songs and Music 73

EQ through Drama 11
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an
actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself
Rodney Dangerfield
I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in
which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human
being.
Oscar Wilde
To give vent now and then to his feelings, whether of pleasure or discontent, is a
great ease to a man’s heart.
Francesco Guicciardini
Two emotional outbursts in Ms Lever’s
classroom
Giovanni’s spontaneous play
Giovanni and Luca were playing in the home corner of their classroom. Suddenly
Giovanni started shouting ‘You can’t do anything right! You stupid fool! I’m leaving, Ican’t take it any more!’ With that, he took his hat off the hook and stomped out of
the play area. His teacher, Ms Lever, knew that Giovanni’s parents were in the midst
of a break-up and could see Giovanni’s need to express that confusion and angerthrough his spontaneous role-play. After her careful observations of Giovanni’s play
episodes, Ms Lever encouraged Giovanni to paint his feelings. Later she shared a

story with him that helped him understand that grown-ups have issues and it is not
the child’s fault in any way. After time, with careful guidance and care Ms Lever saw
that Giovanni’s play was beginning to return to happier and calmer themes.
Michael faces his bullying problem
Ms Lever often arranged activities for her students to explore issues that arose in the
classroom and playground. Recently, Michael was seen bullying several children indifferent places in the school over a period of a few weeks. Although each issue was
dealt with at the time of the incident, Michael didn’t seem to be changing his
behaviour effectively. Ms Lever called a class meeting and started a discussion aboutbullying. Without pinpointing any names, she talked about the effects of bullying on
both the child who is doing the bullying and those being bullied. She suggested theyrole-play a bullying situation so they could brainstorm ideas of how to stop it. Shepurposely chose Michael to play the role of the victim without making it obvious why
she had chosen him. During the role-play, Michael seemed shocked when the chil-
dren started pushing him and calling him names. It seemed that he suddenly realized
what effect he was having on the other children. Michael was able at that point to
come up with several suggestions to stop bullying, and his behaviour improved in
following weeks.
Using drama as a tool to develop EQ
Activities like role-play, scripted drama, presentations and puppet shows are
excellent ways to build children’s emotional intelligence as they allow children to
express their feelings and promote empathy. It is often easier for children to expressthemselves freely under the guise of another character, a puppet or by pretending to
be someone else than to express themselves. This is particularly true of older chil-
dren who may feel it is easier to say certain things through drama than face-to-face.
As early childhood educators witness, many feelings such as anxiety or stress
come out when children play in home corners or other centres in a classroom.
However, older children may not have as many opportunities to express such
emotions unless we specially cater for them. With teachers’ busy timetables, drama
is one activity that is easy to build into literacy and language classes, music class or
circle times.
Goleman (1995: 36) asserts that ‘people who are emotionally adept – who know
and manage their own feelings well, and who read and deal effectively with otherpeople’s feelings – are at an advantage in any domain of life …People with well-
EQ through Drama 75

developed emotional skills are also more likely to be content and effective in their
lives, mastering the habits of mind that foster their own productivity; people who
cannot marshal some control over their emotional life fight inner battles that sabotagetheir ability for focused work and clear thought.’
Where drama links to the development of emotional intelligence is in its ability to
persuade children to look at events from a number of diverse emotional perspectives.Drama is a tool that can help children to learn about their own emotions, their
triggers and reactions. It is also a wonderful tool for developing empathy, as children
are encouraged literally to ‘step into’ someone else’s shoes. This promotes the growthof a variety of empathetic skills essential for the development of emotionalintelligence.
Drama provides many opportunities to use real situations that further develop
children’s personal connections. The connections then increase meaning and
understanding of the daily events in children’s lives in a deeper way. The example ofbullying in the story above is one such use.
Putting it into practice
Acting out different scenarios
1. Ask children to choose from a list of scenarios or prepare strips of paper with scenarios for
children to choose. For younger children you can use a picture to start discussion.
2. In small groups, ask children to plan a skit to show the scenario. In more advanced groups they
can act out from two different perspectives.
3. Children act out the scenarios in front of the class and discussion follows.
Here are some examples you can use:
Imagine you are in the playground. A bully approaches you and demands you give
him your snack money. What would you do?
You have a lot of homework this week. You forgot to start working on a big
project and you can feel yourself getting anxious.
Your best friend Michelle moved to another school. Now you have no friends at
school. You are all alone at recess. You feel lonely and sad. What can you do?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 76

Emotion charades
1. Provide a variety of emotions on laminated strips of coloured paper in a jar or container.
2. Ask children to form groups of four or five.
3. Children chose an emotion from the container.
4. The children work as a group to develop a skit that displays the emotion.5. The children act out the skit and the other children try to guess what emotion they were
portraying and why.
6. Follow up with discussions about the emotions and why different people feel different emotions
surrounding the same event.
Puppet-making
Children can make puppets from socks, wooden spoons, felt and many other
materials. They can draw feelings faces on the puppets to encourage discussion of
such emotions or they may simply represent different characters.
Figure 6: Two children acting out a bullying situation
EQ through Drama 77

1. Provide children with a variety of materials to make puppets with or provide ready-made pup-
pets. There are a large range on emotional faced puppets available on the market these days.
2. Encourage children to use their puppets to act out scenarios from stories, problems that have
arisen in the classroom and problems they face at home.
3. Allow children time to develop their shows and to perform for others.
Developing playscripts
Part of emotional intelligence is being able to make appropriate decisions and to
relate the consequences of your actions. This activity allows children to exploreoptions together as a group in a safe environment and to discuss with others what
might be the best option.
1. Develop an open-ended scenario for playwriting in which the characters’ decision can be written
from multiple perspectives (for example, a child witnesses a group of boys teasing another boy,
he can choose to join in, go to tell a teacher, help the boy himself, etc.).
2. Ask children to write at least three different endings to the same scenario.
3. Let the children act out the scenarios to the class and discuss the different options. Ask children
to decide on the best option in each case.
EQ theory link
Drama develops self-awareness and relationship-awareness in children by allowing
them to recognize their feelings and discover inner emotions while acting out various
scenes. Relationship awareness also comes into play as children role-play situations,
as they may not have thought of how their actions affect others. They can also learnto be more empathetic by seeing things from another point of view. Finally, children
can learn decision-making skills through drama.
Teacher reflection
I have found that drama is a key tool in letting children express their feelings.
Students who would normally feel too timid to express their opinions find taking on
the role of another person allows for full expression of the emotions they have had
bottled up inside.
Drama teacher
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 78

Recommended reading
Bany-Winters, L. (1997) On Stage: Theatre Games and Activities for Kids . Chicago,
IL: Chicago Review Press.
Rooyackers, H. and Bowman, C. (1997) 101 Drama Games for Children: Fun and
Learning with Acting and Make-Believe. New York: Hunter House.
Salas, Jo (1999) Improvising Real Life: personal Story in Playback Theatre ( 3rd edn).
New Paltz, NY: Tusitala.
Reflective questions
1. If you work with young children, do they have ample opportunity to role-play? Do you take time
out to observe children’s spontaneous acting?
2. Do you provide the time and resources necessary for your students to express their emotions in a
non-threatening manner?
3. How could you incorporate drama into your emotional literacy programme?
4. Are there situations in your class in which acting may help to promote empathy?
EQ through Drama 79

EQ through Art 12
The artist is a receptacle for the emotions that come from all over the place: from
the sky, from the earth, from a scrap of paper, from a passing shape, from a spider’s
web.
Pablo Picasso
Art is one of the sources through which the soul expresses itself and inspires others.
But to express art thoroughly, one must have the inner emotions openedthoroughly.
Meher Baba
Painting is just another way of keeping a diary.
Pablo Picasso
Every artist dips his brush in his own soul, and paints his own nature into his
pictures.
Henry Ward Beecher
Maggie’s painting
Maggie was having a bad day. In the morning, her mother had yelled at her because
she was too tired to get out of bed for school. She had felt anger boiling up in her
stomach as she hurried to get ready before the bus came. At school, she realized shehad forgotten her homework on her bedside table. Her chest tightened and she felt
tears well up in her eyes. ‘Again?’ complained Ms Jones with distaste in her voice.
‘Maggie you are a very forgetful young lady!’ The words stung Maggie’s heart. ‘Whyam I so stupid?’ she thought. ‘I can’t do anything right.’ Maggie couldn’t think
straight for the rest of the morning. Ms Jones’s words kept replaying in her mind.

At least it was art today. Maggie always enjoyed Mrs Stammer’s class. Today the
children looked at pictures by Monet. Maggie felt calm as she admired the soft pastel
colours and imagined herself in the gardens. Mrs Stammers encouraged the childrento think about a time when they had strong feelings and what colours they felt at the
time. All the emotions of the day came rushing back. It was Maggie’s turn to paint.
Maggie took the red paint and splashed it on the paper angrily. All her emotionsspilled on to the page. Maggie drew a volcano with herself emerging from the top-
large splotches of red fire everywhere. Mrs Stammers was shocked at the emotion on
the paper. After class, she asked Maggie to stay behind. Mrs Stammers talked withMaggie about where the ideas from her picture had come from. She explained howall her frustration of the day had made her feel she was going to explode and it had allcome out in the painting. Mrs Stammers took special care to talk with Maggie about
her feelings and encouraged her to make a portfolio of paintings that reflected her
feelings. She was also able to show Ms Jones her painting and explain where some ofher frustration came from. Ms Jones was shocked. Had she really spoken that way to
a child? She knew Maggie was forgetful but she didn’t realize the impact her words
were having on the children in her class.
Art and emotions
Throughout history, both children and adults have used art as a way of expressing
their deepest emotions. The majority of people feel the need to express themselves,not just for enjoyment, but also to identify and deal with pain. Art therapy is an
effective strategy to cope with stress, emotional trauma, helplessness and other
anxieties. Let’s think about ways we can witness art helping children in a classroom:
.A young boy paints tear drops on a plaster mask after he recently lost his beloved pet dog.
.A kindergarten student draws a happy face on her wooden spoon puppet after sharing her toy
with a new girl in the class.
.A six-year-old girl draws a picture of her mother with a large black marker indicating a tumour
diagnosed recently.
.An eight-year-old boy makes a collage with pictures of rainbows, blue skies and gold medals and
words such as success and happiness written with cut-out magazine letters after winning the
race on sports day.
.A 13-year-old girl builds a display box with pictures and keepsakes of her sister to cope with her
death a few months ago in a car accident.
EQ through Art 81

Riley (1999) constructs a powerful line of reasoning for employing the creative
arts as a teaching tool for children of all ages. Riley shows that an essential char-
acteristic in selecting teaching strategies is to utilize techniques that children will‘accept’. The arts supply an integrated feeling of curiosity, enjoyment and hands-on
participation from which children benefit. Children contribute and construct a
product.
There are numerous benefits achieved by using art to help children deal with
stressful situations.
1. Children develop a sense of personal achievement: Generating a real product that expresses
feelings can develop confidence and cultivate feelings of self-worth. Children experience self-
fulfilment from the artistic process of being creative and analysing reasons behind the product
they have created.
2. It offers a sense of self-control and reflection: Art can help children visually articulate emotions
and fears that they cannot express through traditional methods. By using the medium of art
children can gain a feeling of control over the situations they are facing. They can also reflect on
their artwork and perhaps realize the extent of their emotions and the triggers for such feelings.
3. Art can reduce the intensity or amount of stressful feelings: Frequent stress can be detrimental to
both our psyche and our body. Insomnia, anxiety, depression and weakened immune systems
are all possible results from living in a state of high stress. However, we also have learned that
artistic pursuits can augment amounts of serotonin in the brain. Any activity that increases
serotonin is likely to be beneficial, as it fights depression.
Putting it into practice
Many children express themselves in non-verbal ways and we as teachers need to
provide outlets for expressing emotions through these other outlets. Art is onemanner of expression in which many children feel comfortable. The specific stra-
tegies we suggest below are ways that you can use to release trapped emotions, or
turn them into something we can better understand. Art is a form of emotionalexpression. Emotional expression is a part of developing emotional intelligence.
Clay modelling
Working with clay is therapeutic and relaxing. Children can express themselves in
any manner by using this type of medium. The actual use of clay reduces stress and
anxiety in both adults and children. As a teacher, using clay in your classroom pro-vides another outlet for tension and stress to fade away.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 82

1. Play relaxing music in the background.
2. Give each child a ball of clay.3. Ask children to massage the clay while thinking about a strong feeling they have experienced
recently.
4. Children can create any representation of the feeling they experienced with their clay ball.
5. After clay has dried, ask children to paint their artwork. The colours used will also help to express
the emotion more clearly.
6. Any child who wishes to share his or her feelings with the class should be encouraged to do so.
Painting/drawing and emotional literacy
Allowing children to paint and draw to express happenings in their lives is a valuable
tool. Children can express feelings of being torn apart by divorce, low self-esteem,being bullied and many other things through pictures instead of words. They say a
picture says as much as 1,000 words, and this is certainly true if children are
Figure 7: A girl draws a picture of feeling torn apart by her parents’ divorce
EQ through Art 83

expressing themselves fully. The pictures above express a child’s feeling of being torn
between her parents going through a divorce, and another child’s feeling of help-lessness starting school and being separated from his family. The emotions these
pictures express show us the depth of expression that children can portray through
artistic endeavours.
Figure 8: A kindergarten student feels upset at leaving his parents at the start of school
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 84

1. Discuss with children different emotions. What images can they think of that would represent
such emotions (e.g. an erupting volcano or a lightning bolt for anger, rain for sadness, sunshine
for happiness)? What could emotions look like?
2. If possible show pictures on an interactive whiteboard or from magazines, and discuss the
emotions that are felt and why. Do colours play any part in these feelings? You can also
introduce pictures by great artists such as The Scream (Munch), Starry Night (Van Gogh), The
Dream (Picasso) and many others. You can discuss the emotions portrayed.
3. Give children as many opportunities as possible to draw or paint their own feelings and express
themselves artistically as well as verbally or in writing.
Artistic reflection on literature
You can use art as a response to stories and happenings in the classroom as well. After
reading stories in the classroom discuss the emotions certain characters may have
felt.
1. Ask the children to imagine how characters in the story may have felt. Discuss in small groups
and then bring the discussion to the whole class.
2. Give children the opportunity to produce a collage, paint or draw how they perceive the
character may have felt.
3. You can use this to express situations that happen at school (e.g. bullying, fights, feeling left out,
etc.) and can help children to become more empathetic of others.
EQ theory Link
By using artistic mediums to express themselves children become more self-aware.
Realizing the impact different colours have on mood and using art as a means of
managing emotions is an excellent tool for children to use. What better way to
express anger without hurting one’s self or others than through painting or clayworks?
Teacher reflection
We all have problems; however most children, especially boys, do not want to
admit this or to share their feelings. I have found that eventually, with frequent useand guidance from a teacher, art can really help most children to express
EQ through Art 85

themselves and to allow a release of their emotions in ways they may not have been
able to do verbally or by writing.
Primary art teacher
Recommended reading
Carroll, C. (2001) How Artists See Feelings: Joy Sadness Fear Love. New York:
Abbeville Kids.
Heegaard, M. (2003) Drawing Together to Learn About Feelings. Minneapolis, MN:
Fairview Press.
McNiff, S. (2004) Art Heals: How Creativity Cures the Soul. Boston, MA:
Shambhala.
Sunderland, M. (1997) Draw on Your Emotions. Brackley: Speechmark.
Reflective questions
1. How can you bring artistic expression into your daily lessons?
2. Are there activities that you could give children a choice in how they express themselves?
3. What can you do to encourage the children to express themselves more artistically?
4. Do you encourage all types of learners to express their emotions?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 86

Projects that Matter13
The only reason we are so different is because of different experiences. They create
the software of our souls.
Deepak Chopra
The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery
Mark Van Doren
The important thing is to not stop questioning
Albert Einstein
The cold hospital ward
Tim was an active boy in Mrs James’s class. He was in Year 5 and had a very good
relationship with most of the children in his class. After some time Mrs James
realized that he was not himself. He was tired, pale, bad-tempered and was going to
the bathroom more often. Mrs James was very concerned and since Tim came from asingle-parent home, she called his mother to inform her of her observations. Timdidn’t come to school next day. When Mrs James called home to ask about him, his
mother sounded very upset, Tim had been diagnosed with diabetes and had been
admitted to hospital with a high blood-sugar level.
Mrs James went to visit him in hospital next day, taking with her a small jigsaw
puzzle, as she knew that Tim enjoyed solving puzzles in class. As she was leaving, shepaid close attention to the appearance of the ward. She noticed that it wasn’t reallychild-friendly. It looked dull with boring, beige-coloured walls with no posters ordrawings. She passed by what was called a playroom and there were no toys or games
around, no books, not even beanbags or a rug to provide a warm ambience. It was a

bare, cold room with a couple of sofas and a TV screen hanging from the ceiling. She
felt sorry for the sick children who were sitting there looking bored; the TV was not
showing a cartoon or other age-appropriate programme.
Next day, Mrs James talked to the class about Tim’s medical condition. She also
talked to them about what she had seen and how she felt while she was in thechildren’s ward.
The class was silent for a few seconds. Then one of the children asked, ‘But what’s
diabetes? How do you get diabetes?’ Another child asked in a sad voice whether Tim
could be cured. A third child asked ‘When will Tim come back to school?’
Mrs James listened to all their questions; she assured them that Tim would be
back at school once he felt better. She saw that this was an opportunity to teach the
children a set of skills. They could learn about the ability to empathize and give, toimprove communication and teamwork skills, as well as do a meaningful projectthrough which academic skills could be developed.
She discussed the whole issue with the children and listened carefully to their
suggestions. In the end, the class agreed to do some research on diabetes and share
their findings with each other through presentations. They also decided to do somefund-raising activities so that they could all contribute to creating a more child-friendly atmosphere in the children’s ward. The children got excited when they
found out that they would be able to go with Mrs James to visit Tim in hospital and
that she would take them to see the empty playroom. The rest of the lesson was usedto prepare Get Well Soon cards for Tim.
Four days later Tim rejoined the class. He was welcomed in a very special way and
was soon engrossed in all the different fundraising activities the class was planning.
Three weeks later the children, working in groups, put on show. The show
included a presentation on diabetes, a song written and composed by the children
with Mrs James’s help, and a sketch written by one of the groups and acted out bythe whole class. The audience, comprising parents, children from other classes andyear groups and teachers, was greatly moved. Funds were raised through the sale oftickets to the event.
At the end of the show, it was announced that the class had set up a toy corner
and that donations for this were invited. Children were asked to produce happy,
lively paintings that could be framed and hung on the walls of the ward, to show that
there were children outside who cared.
This whole project took a month to complete. It was a lot of hard work, but it was
well worthwhile. As Tim commented ‘even though I was sick, I got to know howmuch Mrs James and my class cared for me’.
Developing children’s emotional intelligence will not take place if children spend all
their time in the classroom with the teacher, following a course book. Children need
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 88

to have the opportunity to practise their emotional and social skills in real-life
situations where they can be challenged yet guided to enhance their EQ skills. Since
it is the teacher’s responsibility to orchestrate the whole learning experience, theyalso need to be supported by a school system and administration that appreciates
such efforts and makes such tasks possible.
Planning real-life experiences for the children requires teachers to have some
background knowledge about the children, areas of strength and the areas they need
to develop, their talents and interests, their culture, the different needs of thecommunity, project opportunities, any restrictions or regulations, etc. Moreover,teachers need to take into account a number of prerequisites that can contribute tothe success or failure of the whole learning process.
Most importantly, you need to have a clear vision about what contributes to
developing children’s EQ, what are the EQ components and the different strategies
and tools you can use to enhance children’s EQ, and how to record and monitorchildren’s progress. When these concepts are clear, you can make a clear list of the
emotional and social skills appropriate to the age group you teach and plan to enhance
them through real-life learning projects. A lot has been written on this, starting fromGoleman’s book Emotional Intelligence (1995) to so many others mentioned in our
suggested reading list and the references at the back of this book.
Creating real-life learning opportunities
To create real-life experiences for children, you need to keep an eye out for every
classroom opportunity that can be used to develop a real-life project like the onementioned in the story above. Here are some factors that can contribute into thesuccess of real-life projects:
1. Children’s safety and security must be kept as top priority at all times.
2. The emotional social skills to be developed through the project must be clearly specified, pre-
ferably for each individual child.
3. An environment of trust must to be created, where all those involved are respected and
appreciated.
4. The project must be relevant to children’s life, their enthusiasm and interest.
5. The learning experience must be meaningful and have real-life value to the children and perhaps
to whoever is involved in the project
6. The outcome of the project should make sense to those involved, and will ideally have some
positive benefit for others. These projects may be hands-on work in the community, where
children can see and feel the beneficial effect of their work on the community.
7. All efforts should be recognized and appreciated.
Projects that Matter 89

In addition to real-life projects that can take children beyond the school’s walls,
you can also use real-life situations that occur between the children to develop their
EQ. Different incidents can take place in the classroom, in the corridors, duringbreak time, during field trips, during after-school activities, just to name a few. These
all can be precious opportunities to allow genuine learning to take place. Examples of
these incidents can be: an argument or a fight between two children, losing someoneprecious or a pet, being a bully, being bullied, having someone seriously sick in the
family, going through divorce, low self-esteem, etc. These are all examples of real-life
situations that children go through every day, and in many cases they find themselveshelpless or very confused, and in desperate need of a teacher’s support and guidance.Children learn from these situations much more than from artificial activities simplybecause they are all real. The learning experience is meaningful to them and it affects
their life and their relationships with others in school.
Putting it into practice
Giving a helping hand
1. Divide the children into groups.
2. Each group will study an opportunity of giving a helping hand. This can be helping at an old
people’s home, an orphanage, or helping people affected by a natural disaster like a flood,
earthquake, tsunami, etc.
3. Each group will study the size of the problem, its causes, and what they can do to help.
4. Each group will then prepare a written report/article on their findings and interpretations.
5. Each group presents their findings and their plan of help to the rest of the class.6. The teacher guides and helps all groups to execute their plans, making sure that children are
always kept safe and secure.
7. Their work can be published in local newspapers, a school journal, a yearbook or even a class
journal.
My dream job
1. Brainstorm with the children the kinds of jobs that they know. Videos relating to different jobs
can be used to develop awareness.
2. Help the children to think of the kind of job they want to have when they grow up.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 90

3. Try to arrange for children to visit a variety of workplaces in accordance with their job pre-
ferences, to enable them to get a feeling for the working environment and to talk to people who
are working there. Parents can be involved in these visits.
4. If visits are not possible, invite people doing different jobs to visit your class. Make sure that the
children get to ask the questions they want. Some of these speakers can be parents of some of
the children in your class. Hotseating, where the child then pretends to be the person and
answers questions is also very helpful.
5. The children then can draw pictures of themselves in their ideal workplace or they can role-play
their dream jobs in groups.
6. They can also dress up in their new job uniform/outfit and talk to the class about their real future
plans, mentioning the kinds of skills, knowledge and qualifications they will need to have to be
able to make their dreams come true.
Friendship fair
1. Discuss with children the importance of friendships. What qualities should we look for in a
friend? How can we be a good friend? Reflect on the true meaning of friendship.
2. Literature can be shared with children relating to friendship. This can be shared in literature
circles in the classroom or through written responses.
Figure 9: Items made during a friendship fair
Projects that Matter 91

3. Plan a fair with the class based around the true meaning of friendship.
4. Children can write poetry, find quotes, write about their perceptions on friendship, write songs
and prepare display boards.
5. Hold a fair where parents can come to see the children’s work or other classes can come to visit.
6. Encourage children to present their work to others .
7. This idea can be used with any other topic you find suitable or the children express an interest in
e.g. bullying, kindness, prejudice, helpfulness, etc.
EQ theory link
To carry out real-life projects children need to interact with other children and
adults. This will contribute to developing their social and relationship managementskills. Some projects like ‘Giving a helping hand’ teach the children to be empathic
and care and support others. ‘My dream job’ develops children’s self-awareness and
helps create self-motivation to achieve their goals in life. ‘My friendship fair’ helpsbuild awareness of relationships with others and how to maintain and manage good
relationships.
Figure 10: Two children presenting their work on friendship
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 92

Teacher reflection
I have incorporated community service learning into my Year 4 class with amazing
results. Children are very giving and have increased their organization and thinking
skills as well as empathy skills.
Year 4 teacher
Recommended reading
Bourne, B. (2000) Taking Inquiry Outdoors: Reading, Writing, and Science beyond
the Classroom Walls . Portland, ME: Stenhouse.
Helem, J.H. and Katz, L.G. (2001) Young Investigators: The Project Approach in the
Early Years . New York: Teachers College Press.
Lambert, N. M. and McCombs, B. L. (1998) How Students Learn: Reforming Schools
through Learner-centered Education. Washington, DC: American Psychological
Association.
Lieberman, G. and Hoody, Linda. (1998) Closing the Achievement Gap: Using the
environment as an integrated Context for Learning. Poway, CA: Science Wizards.
Littky, D. and Grabelle, S. (2004) The Big Picture . Alexandria, VA: Association for
Supervision and Curriculum Development.
Reflective questions
1. Do you think it’s important to develop children’s EQ? If yes, how can you convince someone who
believes otherwise?
2. Do you think assigning children to real-life projects is important? If so, please justify?
3. In your context, what kind of real-life projects can you develop with the children you teach? In
addition, what kinds of EQ skills are you aiming for? Share your ideas with others in your group.
4. What are the points that you need to be careful of while planning real-life projects?
5. Children’s life in school is also part of their real life. Can you think of any projects that are real-life
but are still within the school boundaries?
6. What effects can real-life projects have on children’s emotional and social development?
Projects that Matter 93

Home–School Links 14
Families and teachers might wish that the school could do the job alone. But today’s
school needs families, and today’s families need the school. In many ways, this
mutual need may be the greatest hope for change.
Dorothy Rich
The emotional literacy of young people is more likely to grow when their parents
can help them negotiate the different messages they receive from school, theirfamily and elsewhere.
The Emotional Literacy Handbook
Parents are a child’s first teachers.
Unknown
Brian’s story
Brian Fisher’s parents were both successful. Brian had a younger brother who was
two years old. Both parents were working outside the home, and Ms Goll noticedthat Brian did his homework only sporadically. Although Ms Goll required all parentsto initial each page of homework, this was rarely done. Ms Goll decided to callBrian’s parents for a meeting at the school.
Both parents showed up looking very concerned. It was clear they loved Brian and
had his best interests at heart. As Ms Goll began to mention the unfinished home-
work and unsigned sheets, Brian’s parents looked sheepish. ‘We didn’t realize it was
that important, I mean he is only in Year 2’ said Mr Fisher. Ms Goll went on toexplain the importance of home–school links. She showed the Fishers research
showing just how important parents are in their child’s education. The Fishers looked

embarrassed. ‘We had no idea’, they said. ‘We thought we would let him be totally
independent from the very beginning.’ Ms Goll knew all too well that even educated,
successful parents like the Fishers may not be aware of just how important their rolesare.
Ms Goll decided to hold a parents’ meeting for all the children in her class. Before
the meeting, she prepared a list of activities parents could do at home to supporttheir children. She had volunteer sheets for parents to sign up for different activities.
She photocopied several articles that showed recent research on student achieve-
ment and how it correlates with parental involvement. She also gave the parents anemail address to contact her and encouraged the parents to write to her if they hadany queries or questions about how to help their child.
Home–school partnerships and EQ
An ever-mounting quantity of research presents the numerous benefits that take
place when parents are involved in their children’s schooling. Comer (1984) proposes
that when families and teachers collaborate, this creates the emotional support that
children need in order to learn effectively. As educators, we need to be aware thatchildren see immense benefits when parents work closely with the schools and this
leads to a more emotionally settled child in the classroom (Simich-Dudgeon, 1986).
Hoover-Dempsey and Sandler (1997) explained that some facets are vital in
making parent–school partnerships successful. Schools ought to assist parents in
realizing that it is their responsibility as parents to become a partner in their child’seducation. Schools must communicate with parents what they are seeking to
accomplish in teaching emotional literacy in order to ensure that parents compre-
hend the objectives and the processes (Weare, 2004).
Making parents feel welcome
Many parents stay away because they indicate that they do not feel welcome at the
school. While schools usually state that parents are welcome, the truth may beentirely different. Schools can do many things to make parents feel welcome, for
example:
1. Provide a parental ambassador to synchronize communication involving parents and schools is
an effective way to build relationships that can flourish.
Home–School Links 95

2. Create a parents’ room or area that would offer coffee or refreshments, parenting books,
brochures on children’s development or nutrition, for example, and simple volunteer activities
that parents could complete while visiting or lists to sign up for other volunteer activities.
3. Create a lending library for parents to borrow resources that could help them promote EQ at
home. For example stories, videos, puppets and games especially as they relate to EQ.
4. Organize parent workshops not only to clarify aspects of the curriculum but also general
workshops that contribute into better understanding of their roles as parents, and how they can
help their children to have a happier and more successful life. Examples include: How to promote
EQ at home, Your child’s emotional development, and Your child’s brain: the latest develop-
ments in brain research.
5. Develop activities for parents and children to complete together at home promoting emotional
intelligence that are then shared with the children’s classmates.
6. Sending home newsletters focusing on emotional intelligence and activities parents can do to
support children at home.
7. Encouraging parents to take part at the school in real-life projects that aim at enhancing chil-
dren’s EQ. Parents can also accompany children on field trips related to these projects.
Putting it into practice
Parents are a vital part of their children’s lives. They are the first source of a child’s
moral and character development. Research showing the benefits of home–schoolpartnerships is clear: when parents are highly involved in children’s education they
receive better results (Weare, 2004). The activities and strategies suggested here
invite child/parent collaboration.
Family treasure box
Children and parents can work together to create a family treasure box that can then
be brought to school and shared. They can decorate the box with photos, familiar
sayings used at home, names and other important places, maps and any other rele-
vant items. Together the family can put in letters to each other, photos, important
mementos from trips or fun places they have visited together. Later when the class
comes together, the children explain the significance of the items in the box and the
process by which they made the box. As a result children learn a great deal of
personal information about each other, what is important to them and their family
and it gives them a chance to discuss their feelings about certain family members.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 96

Figure 11: Three siblings making their family treasure box
Figure 12: The finished box
Home–School Links 97

A home–school project
Parents and children come together to create a project that is relevant to their
community and promotes a joint sense of purpose. Examples such as framing chil-dren’s artwork to hang in the local hospital, laminating children’s pictures to use as
placemats, or creating a gift box to present to a needy family can be made together
with the help of parents in the class. For improved emotional intelligence, discussionis key, and reflection on why such a project is being undertaken.
Newsletters
Newsletters can be a key communication vehicle for schools to make contact and
connections with all parents. Tailor-made newsletters can explore the issues of self-esteem, self-worth, empathy and other emotional intelligence components. Follow-
up activities given to parents and children to complete together at home can stress
the importance of these attributes. When schools emphasize the importance of EQ
in newsletters rather than solely on academics, they show parents what they value.
Family circle time
Schools should encourage discussion to take place about important emotional issues
at home as well as at school. One way to do this is by encouraging families toparticipate in a family circle time, similar to class meetings but held in the home.
There are many ways to run a family meeting such as the parent introducing a topic
they feel they would like to discuss, or children arranging the agenda themselves. It isuseful if teachers and parents communicate regularly about issues arising at school or
home so parents and teachers can address the issues effectively in both settings. Theimportant thing to consider is that all parties are respectful and listen carefully to oneanother. Parents should be encouraged not to make judgements but at times to givechildren another perspective or guide them to think about consequences of actionsthat they may not have considered.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 98

EQ theory link
Home–school links promote the relationship awareness and management of the
child. By developing a strong awareness of the relationship between school and home,children will benefit in many ways. They can learn how they can benefit from the use
of better communication between all parties and how to manage their relationships
with family members more effectively.
Parent reflection
On learning about emotional intelligence and its importance to my kids, I decided to
implement a weekly circle time with my family. Every Saturday we wrote a topic wewanted to discuss on a strip of paper and placed it in a box we called our Circle
Time box. Then we sat together, pulled each slip of paper out of the box, and
discussed it. I felt my children gained more confidence and were able to confide in
me in ways they hadn’t before.
Parent of two primary schoolchildren
Recommended reading
Allen, J. (2007) Creating Welcoming Schools: A Practical Guide to Home–School
Partnerships with Diverse Families. New York: Teachers College Press.
Childre, D. L. (1995) A Parenting Manual. Boulder Creek, CA: Planetary
Publications.
Epstein, J., Sanders, M., Simon, B., Salinas, K., Jansorn, N. and Van Voorhis, F.
(2002) School, Family, and Community Partnerships: Your Handbook for Action
(2nd edn). Alexandria, VA: Corwin Press.
Lawrence-Lightfoot, S. (2004) The Essential Conversation: What Parents and Tea-
chers Can Learn from Each Other ? New York: Ballantine Books.
Swap McAllister, S. (1993) Developing Home–School Partnerships: From Concepts to
Practice. New York: Teachers College Press.
Home–School Links 99

Reflective questions
1. In what way can parents and educators in your school collaborate to enhance children’s emo-
tional intelligence?
2. What kind of concerns (if any) do you think might create an obstacle in creating such
partnership?
3. Do you require support from your school administration? How will you go about getting it?
4. What are the expected outcomes of creating home–school partnerships? Think in terms of
outcomes, for the children, for the school, for the teachers and for the parents.
5. What differences do you notice between the children whose parents are highly involved and
those who do not appear to take part in their child’s education? How can you share these
observations with others?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 100

The Power of
Reflection 15
The real voyage of discovery consists not of seeing new landscapes, but in having
new eyes.
Marcel Proust
A defining condition of being human is that we have to understand the meaning of
our experience.
Jack Mezirow
Getting a smile back
Mrs Brown is a Year 2 teacher. She has 18 children in her class. She also has an
assistant teacher with whom she works very closely throughout the day. The children
in her class are of mixed abilities and come from different backgrounds. She has eightdifferent nationalities in her class.
Understanding the children was a top priority for Mrs Brown and her assistant. To
this end, they both developed the habit of observing the children closely andrecording as much information as possible. They also reflected daily on their practice
and on each child’s performance to ensure that they could meet all the children’sneeds.
Part of their everyday routine is to assign 10 to 20 minutes at the end of the day
to write their reflections. They then share and discuss their thoughts. One afternoon,
while carrying out their end-of-day reflections they realized that Salma hadn’t been
herself lately. She hadn’t been very active. She had also missed doing her homework
a couple of times. In fact, she seemed to be rather unhappy.
The next day Salma came to class. Both teachers observed her closely. They

realized that she seemed to have problems with some of the girls in her class. Her
classmates started to exclude her. One girl was particularly nasty to her when they
had to work together. Mrs Brown felt that Salma was deeply hurt and very upset. Atthis stage, Mrs Brown intervened in support of Salma and was able to resolve the
situation.
After class, Mrs Brown spent some time with Salma in an attempt to find out
what the problem was. Salma was in tears. At first, she couldn’t speak, but then she
opened up, telling her teacher how badly some of the girls had treated her. A groupof girls, who called her names, hid her lunch box and turned her best friend againsther, was bullying her. She spent break times alone. Being all alone, she didn’t knowwhat to do and spent most of her time hiding in the bathroom. For Salma, school wasbecoming a real nightmare.
Mrs Brown was very concerned and promised to help solve the problem. She
decided to raise the issue in class meetings, through storytelling and other means but
without singling Salma out. Salma’s peers started to accept her once again. She
started smiling again; Mrs Brown was relieved and delighted.
The story above illustrates a teacher engaging in reflective practice; a very
important skill if we are to understand the children we teach. It also illustrates
helping children to self-reflect and find answers to their problems. Reflection is one
of the primary skills for building children’s EQ. Ellison (2001) considers reflection as
one of the basic building blocks of social and emotional competence. She states that‘Self-reflective capacities on the one hand and the ability to recognize what others arethinking and feeling on the other provide the foundation for children to understand,
manage and express the social and emotional aspects of life.’
What is reflection?
Reflection is a mental process children can go through to look back at an experience
and construct their own meaning. After reflecting, they can define what they havelearnt from the experience and perhaps see how they can do things differently toimprove their learning experience. In Habits of Mind (2000: 17), Costa and Kallick
state that ‘to be reflective means to mentally wander through where you have been
and try to make sense out of it’. They also emphasize the role that reflection has inhelping children to be producers of meaning rather than consumers of knowledge.
‘In teaching reflection skills the role of the teacher becomes a facilitator, who
guides the children through the learning experience. The teacher helps each child
monitor individual progress, construct meaning from the content learned and from
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 102

the process of learning it, and apply the learnings to other contexts and settings’
Costa and Kallick (2000:16).
The relationship between the teacher and the children has a profound effect on
their reflection, as the whole process requires the children to be honest withthemselves and with the teacher and to express their thoughts and feelings without
any kind of fear or hesitation. Thus, trust, acceptance and not being judgemental areessential qualities that teachers need to have if they are to encourage the children to
be reflective.
How can teachers guide children through
reflection?
Creating a class environment where children are encouraged to reflect and are
welcomed to share their reflections with others can play a vital role in the success ofthe whole process. In addition, children need to see models of reflective adults
around them who can speak their thoughts aloud or write their journals and share
their reflections with them. They need to learn that we all learn from the experienceswe go through and modify our perceptions and acts.
To guide children through the process of reflection you need to keep an open eye
on everyday class opportunities where children go through an experience that can
teach them and others. Alternatively, you can create these situations through dif-ferent activities like the ones suggested below. After the experience, invite thechildren to step out of the situation and look at it from a distance. They need to thinkabout the experience, what they did, how they felt, what they thought, what theycould have done differently and what they learnt from this experience
Here are some examples of questions that children can ask themselves while
reflecting:
.How did I feel? How do I feel now?
.Why do I feel the way I do?
.How do I see my acts?
.What does this tell me? What did I learn from this experience?
.If I go through this experience again would I do anything differently?
.If so, what would I do differently and why?
After reflecting, they can express their reflection orally, through drawing or in
writing. Younger children, who have not yet developed their writing skills, can
The Power of Reflection 103

express their reflection orally or through drawings. It is also a good idea to encourage
the children to talk about their drawings as adults might interpret children’s drawings
differently. They might not always see what the child is trying to communicate.
Older children who are more confident with their writing abilities can express
their reflections through journal writing. Yet, we still have to remember that they allhave their own preferred ways of reflection. Once you get to know the children inyour class well, you will learn their preferred manner of reflection. Giving the
children various opportunities of expressing their reflection can make their task more
interesting. These can be in forms of individual task reflection, group discussion,teacher–child discussion, counselling, or children interviewing each other, etc.
Saving reflections and storing them in the children’s portfolio so that you can
monitor the development of the skill as well as their overall progress is a wonderful
idea. It is very rewarding to see how children grow emotionally and socially, and how
their reflections lead them to choose their acts rather than being ‘reflexive’, to useRobert Sylwester’s (1997b) term by which he means reacting at the least
provocation.
Putting it into practice
Self-interview
Invite each child to sit in front of a mirror, or use small hand mirrors. Children can
do this activity in pairs as well.
1. Let each child ask himself some questions such as the ones mentioned above. Print the questions
on coloured paper and laminate them, as you may need to use this activity when opportunities
arise. For younger children ask them to choose sad, happy or angry faces and think about how
they felt and what they looked like when they felt that way in the past.
2. Let the children share their reflections
3. This is a wonderful opportunity for you to get to know more about the children, their thinking
skills, their thinking patterns and their self-image.
4. If you notice anything significant, you can record your observation and then use the information
to give appropriate help to the child.
Reflection chair
You can use this activity to let the children think about their behaviour when they
misbehave or reflect on their achievements. It is very important to use the reflective
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 104

chair for both positive and negative performance. Getting the children to use the
chair only when they misbehave creates negative connotations with learning how to
reflect. Invite the child, after reflection, to share his thoughts and feelings in what-
ever way you find most appropriate, such as writing his journal, filling in a form,talking to you, or sharing orally with the rest of the children.
I’m a puppet
Some children find it difficult to express themselves directly. One way of helping
these children is to use puppets. Let the child give the puppet a name. Ask the child
to imagine that he is the puppet going through the same life experience that the childdid. Encourage him to reflect and talk about his feelings and thoughts. If you find a
child is stuck you can encourage him to talk through the scenario asking questions
such as those listed on page 103.
Figure 13: A young girl remembers a time she felt angry
The Power of Reflection 105

EQ theory link
Reflection activities come under developing self-awareness and self-management
components in the framework. Children become more aware of their behaviour,their feelings and patterns of thinking. Once this becomes a mind habit, it will lead to
better self-management and improved relationships with others.
Recommended reading
Brandt, R. (1998) Powerful Learning. Alexandria, VA: Association for Supervision
and Curriculum Development.
Costa, A. L. and Kallick, B. (2000) Habits of Mind . Alexandria, VA: Association for
Supervision and Curriculum Development.
Damasio, A. (1999) The Feeling of What Happens . New York: Harcourt.
de Bono, Edward (1993) Teach Your Child How To Think . London: Penguin.
Doty, G. (2001) Fostering Emotional Intelligence in K-8 Students . Thousand Oaks,
CA: Corwin Press.
Ellison, L. (2001) The Personal Intelligence . Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
Katta, M. (2000) Stop! Think! Choose! Building Emotional Intelligence in Young
Children. Tucson, AZ: Zephyr Press.
Reflective questions
1. As a teacher how often do you reflect on your practices?
2. Do you think reflection is a useful strategy for teachers? Why/Why not?3. Would you teach reflection to the children you teach? Please justify.
4. What strategies would you follow when teaching reflection?
5. How can you share a child’s reflection with parents/guardians?
6. How can reflection contribute in developing a child’s EQ?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 106

The Art of
Observation 16
Each moment is an opportunity for me to observe children’s behaviour and make
mental notes on individual needs. To facilitate the greatest learning in each child, I
must know that child.
Launa Ellison
Learning is the ability to make sense out of something you observe based on your
past experience and being able to take that observation and associate it withmeaning.
Ruth and Art Winter
The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have
not got it.
George Bernard Shaw
A mysterious painting
Mrs Neil looked puzzled as she was looking deeply into Leena’s artwork. In fact, she
was very concerned. She took the painting to her assistant and asked if she knewwhat the little girl was going through. Unfortunately, she did not know either.
Leena’s depiction of herself as a sad little girl with a line cutting her in two would
not leave Mrs Neil.
By nature, Leena was a lively girl with a keen sense of humour. Her tendency to
giggle, her beautiful smile and her shining eyes had always endeared her to the
teacher.
Mrs Neil’s first thought was to talk to the girl. Nevertheless, she decided that the
child might not be ready for that, so instead she started to observe her. She observed
her working with her group. She observed her working individually. She even

observed her during recess. Leena did not really seem to be herself. Mrs Neil’s
anxiety grew upon seeing that Leena had lost all interest in the PE lesson, a lesson
that she had previously always enjoyed. During lunchtime, Leena did not seem tohave much appetite. It became clear that something was seriously wrong.
That day at break, Mrs Neil asked Leena about her drawing. Leena looked at it
and didn’t find much to say at first. After a while, she said, ‘I really don’t know whatto do. If I choose to go with Dad, Mum will feel bad. If I stay with my mum, Dad
might get sick. You see he loves me too!’ Mrs Neil wiped away the little girl’s tears.
She gave Leena a hug and made her feel that she would always be there for her. Shealso asked her to write her journal every day, talking about all her thoughts andfeelings.
Just before leaving, Leena asked if she could stick the picture she had drawn in
her journal and Mrs Neil said, ‘Of course you can’, with a smile of sorrow at what the
girl was going through.
As educators, we need to develop a clear picture about the children in our care. You
can use different tools and strategies to achieve this. However, one of the mostpowerful tools is observation. ‘Getting to know the children we teach as people andas learners will give us the information we need to be an effective decision maker in
the classroom. With the information you learn from observing them, you can select
the right materials, plan appropriate activities and ask questions that guide childrenin learning to understand the world around them’ (Ellison, 2001).
It is easy to pass judgements on children because of isolated incidents, but this is
like judging a picture from a few pieces of unconnected jigsaw. To get the whole
picture we need to put together as many pieces as possible in the appropriate places.
Observation, carried out over time, reveals that first impressions can be wrong. It
is important to observe children in different learning contexts, at different times of
the day, while they are on task, when they are off task, during class and breaks, whenthey are with a group they are comfortable with and when they are with children
with whom they are not familiar. It all depends upon the purpose of our observation.The point we make here is to be careful and to withhold from making any judgement
until we are clear about our thoughts and perceptions.
An effective way of observation is what Jablon et al . (2007) call ‘planned
observation’, where the teacher or the caregiver sets aside a period of free time everyday to observe specific children. Observation here is part of the daily lesson plan and
the teacher needs to be clear of her purpose of observation. The selection of the time
and context of the observation is according to the purpose that the teacher has inmind.
Another kind of observation is more spontaneous, where for one reason or
another, the teacher decides to stop whatever she is doing and observe. Some of
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 108

these situations might be very precious opportunities that shouldn’t be missed as
they might provide us with invaluable insights about the child.
You can observe the children while they are on task or in action. This can tell us a
lot about their attitude towards learning, their areas of strength and weaknesses andtheir work habits, and how they interact with other children. All this information is a
real asset for you as a teacher in helping you to understand the children and canenable you to choose the time and strategies that are suitable for each child to further
enhance their development in the different areas needed.
While observing children it is vital that you are as objective as possible. We all
observe the world from our own perspective as we all have different schemata
shaped by our background and experiences, yet our attempts at being objective andempathic can help to see the children through more filtered lenses. Understanding
children is not always an easy task yet it can be a very rewarding one, especially when
we use the results of the data we gather from observation to help the childrenflourish on different levels, emotionally, socially, academically and even physically.
The art of observation
Observing children is an art by itself. A good teacher is a good photographer who has
her camera ready to take the right shots once she comes across them. She trains hereyes to look for moments of joy and achievement as well as moments of despair and
struggle. She takes beautiful shots of children when they smile, when they play
enthusiastically, when they take pride in their work, when they can work indepen-dently, or even when they giggle over a silly incident. She also takes shots when they
do something of concern; when they feel isolated, when they struggle with a task,
when they can’t handle their relationships with others or when they look over-whelmed with their own issues. Once you practise this over a long period, it can thenbecome a habit of mind. A skill that is indispensable and that can lead into having
sharper pictures of the children we care for.
One of the beautiful outcomes of continuous child observation is that it helps the
teacher to connect to the child, to feel the child, to be empathic, care genuinely and
build a positive relationship with the child. Once this is achieved a more positivelearning outcome can be expected as the child’s brain will be more receptive to
learning as ‘learning is bonded with emotions’ (Ellison 2001: 45).
The Art of Observation 109

How can we record our observation?
To ensure that you can get the best out of your observation, you need to record your
observation in a systematic manner. You can record your observation in a way thatfeels most comfortable to you, yet all notes must be written in a non-judgemental
way. You must train yourself to write notes as factual, descriptive information, with
examples when possible. You also need to be flexible, as new information gathered inan observation can prove wrong information recorded earlier.
There are different tools that you can use to record information. Some teachers
might feel comfortable with notepads, others might prefer to use Post-it notes, index
cards, computer labels placed on a clipboard, anecdotal notes, matrices or evenlaptops or computers in the more fortunate situations. It all depends on what isavailable. It also depends on your style of note-taking.
Once enough information is gathered, then it is time for reflection and analysing
the situations. The results here will lead you to plan for each child’s development in
whatever area is required.
Obviously, no real development can take place without parental involvement.
Hence, once you put the pieces together and form a clear picture of the child, youcan hold a conference with the parent or the caregiver to further discuss the childand plan together towards achieving the targets you agree upon.
Please note we are not recommending here that you leave parental involvement
until the last stage in the process of observation. On the contrary, we believe that the
earlier parents are involved the sooner the picture gets clear, yet this decision lies
ultimately with your judgement.
Putting it into practice
Using an observation checklist
An observation checklist is a very useful tool that you can use to focus on or to gather
data about specific children. The design can be a simple form that doesn’t requiremuch writing from the teacher (see below). Here are a few suggestions on how to use
checklists:
1. Look at your class list and divide the children into groups for observation purposes.
2. Plan to observe each child once or twice a week, depending on your class size and your purpose
of observation.
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 110

3. Design your checklist according to the purpose of your observation. You may have a set of
common observation objectives for the whole class or you might need to have different
objectives for different children.
4. After deciding on your objectives, break them down into specific behaviours or skill indicators.
5. Observe the child over a reasonable period until you develop a clear picture, then decide on the
rating scale.
6. Add any comments you find important.
7. Repeat using the checklist over a period to find any pattern in child’s behaviour.
8. Use the information you gather to plan how to help the child.
9. Use the checklist again to record child’s progress.
10. Share the data you have with the parents.11. If necessary, add a section where you can write your comments after meeting with the parents.
12. Keep all observation checklists in the child’s portfolio to have a continuous record of the child’s
progress.
Figure 14: Child’s observation checklist from Life Skills 1 Assessment Guide by Shahnaz Bahman.
The Art of Observation 111

Filming children
Using video to film children in their natural learning or play environment can be a
great resource for you, especially when you find it difficult to observe, take notes,
record progress and carry out all other tasks in class. You may then choose to use thisrecording or parts of it for further reflection or discussion with parents if thesituation requires. Showing video clips to the children themselves in order to buildup their reflective and problem-solving skills is another useful tool.
Being in disguise/wearing masks
Some children feel more comfortable expressing themselves when they don’t face
their teacher or any audience directly. Therefore, creating observation opportunities
where children feel safe to express themselves under a cover or behind a mask can be
very useful and rewarding. Role-play, costume parties and puppet shows can all helpin this respect.
Recommended reading
Costa, A. L. and Kallick, B. (2000) Habits of Mind. Alexandria, VA: Association for
Supervision and Curriculum Development.
Ellison, L. (1993) Seeing With Magic Glasses. Atlanta, GA: Great Ocean.
Jablon, Judy R., Dombro, Amy Laura, Dichtelmiller, Margo L. (2007) The Power of
Observation: Teaching Strategies . National Association for the Education of Young
Children.
Pianta, R. (2000) Enhancing Relationships: Between Children and Teachers.
Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Rusnak, T. (1998) An Integrated Approach to Character Education. Thousand Oaks,
CA: Corwin Press.
Reflective questions
1. What kind of questions would you ask yourself while observing a child?
2. Would you like to share a story that indicates some kind of change in your perception after
observing a child?
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 112

3. What is the relationship between observation and teaching?
4. What can observation tell you about the children you teach?5. What can observation tell you about what children are learning?
6. How can observation contribute to building a better relationship with the children you teach?
The Art of Observation 113

Where to Start 17
You see things; and you say ‘Why?’ But I dream things that never were; and I say
‘Why not?’
George Bernard Shaw
A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.
Maya Angelou
The journey is the reward.
Chinese Proverb
Education …a journey not a race.
Unknown
Now that you have read about the tools and strategies that we have used in the past
chapters you may be wondering – where do I start? We suggest you start with small,
easy steps with a big goal in mind!
Bringing emotional intelligence to your classroom is one of the most wonderful
things you can do for the children in your classes. Those children who face so manystruggles and problems in today’s society deserve the opportunity to learn the skillsthat will help them prosper and do well in life. A favourite quote of ours is from
Elizabeth Kubler Ross who said ‘People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkleand shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty isrevealed only if there is a light from within.’ As teachers we need to reach in for that
light and light up the lives of the children in our care and try to help them overcomeany darkness and negativity in their lives.
We recommend you study the SEL Implementation and Sustainability Process
model shown below, Figure 15, from Devaney et al. (2006) which is a whole-school
plan to integrate and value social emotional learning in the school. However, even if

your school is not yet ready to launch into a whole-school initiative, you as an
individual teacher can still make a difference in your own classroom. Look at the
model and think about steps that you can take today and tomorrow to make sureyour classroom gives children the best chance of a happy, healthy life. Perhaps you
can write an action plan for yourself with SMART goals; these can be small steps
leading towards a bigger achievement.
When reading a book or hearing about a new concept it is easy to feel over-
whelmed and then do nothing, but small steps are all that is needed to bring in major
change. As a teacher, you may think ‘How can I do all this and still cover the
curriculum and ensure the children do well on standardized tests?’
We recommend the following ideas:
1. Make the decision to integrate EQ into your daily classroom practice.
2. Take steps to develop your own EQ skills by following the advice in Chapter 2.3. Start a group with likeminded teachers who are interested in exploring EQ in the classroom. Set a
Figure 15: Devaney, E., O’Brien, M.U., Resnik, H., Keister, S. and Weissberg, R. P. (2006) Sustainable school-wide
social and emotional learning (SEL): Implementation guide and toolkit . Chicago: Collaborative for Academic,
Social and Emotional Learning (CASEL). (Reprinted with permission)
Where to Start 115

meeting time once or twice a month to discuss chapters of this and other books, and to produce
further ideas.
4. When planning lessons, determine if there is a way to bring in aspects of emotional intelligence.
For example, in language arts you can make emotional connections with the literature, you can
explore others points of view. Literature gives us many lessons and opportunities to exploit EQ
themes. In speaking and listening why not debate different points of view about issues in the
news? In history, can you promote empathy by imagining what it was like to be a slave or apolitician who had to make a tough decision? You can infuse EQ skills and expression of
emotions into music, art and drama as we have shown in the earlier chapters in this book. Be
creative and you will find many of the activities you do in your class can promote EQ.
5. Look at the everyday opportunities to bring EQ into your classroom. Besides the activities listed in
this book, generally being aware of EQ issues and of the children’s self-esteem, emotional well-
being and feelings will help you to take opportunities to address these issues.
6. Often we are too busy concentrating on ‘the curriculum’ to take the opportunities available to
enhance EQ skills. A news story about a natural disaster, an argument among the children, a
new member of the class, a visit to a local hospital, a new sibling for one of your students or the
death of a pet are all opportunities for you as a teacher to help build the skills and strategies
needed in the real world. Take each of them and explore them.
Remember that you can make a difference. You can be one of the teachers whose
children look back years from now and say ‘Ms [ insert your name here ] was the
teacher who inspired me or changed my life!’ As Stephen Covey said, ‘Believe in
other people even if they don’t believe in themselves. Listen to them and empathisewith them. Help them to affirm their positive traits.’ By giving children the gift of
emotional intelligence, you help prepare them for a future when those skills will be
critical for success. Go on, be the teacher they all remember! Make a difference! Weend with a quote from Mahatma Ghandi: ‘You may never know what results come ofyour action, but if you do nothing there will be no result!’
Developing Children’s Emotional Intelligence 116

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Appendix:
Emotional Literacy Bank
It is often difficult for us to address specific feelings and emotions because we find it
difficult to put them into words. Building up our knowledge and understanding ofvocabulary related to emotions is a crucial step to improving our emotional literacy.
The list of words below may help you as a teacher to use the words yourself and
expand the vocabulary of the children in your class as well. Depending on the ageof the children, you may wish to introduce and explain some or all of the words
below. It is very useful for children to create an emotional literacy dictionary or logwhere they can write down new words they hear that relate to feelings and emotions.They can then refer back to these words when writing in journals or in otheractivities.
angry
aggravatedaggressive
argumentative
ashamedalertassuredassertiveattentive
afraid
awarealarmed
amazed
annoyed
astonishing
amusedastoundantagonistic
apprehensive
anxiousbored
bothered
bewilderedbelligerent
baffled
bravebold
breathtakingbrilliant
brutal
bemused
befuddled
belief
caringconfused
confidentcareful
contented
cautiousconcerned
conviction
confused
courteousconsiderate
civil
confrontational
conscientious
courageous
calmcoolcomposedcruel
cheerycrosscharitabledepresseddelighteddiscontenteddissatisfieddumbfoundeddistressdistrustfuldoubtful
disbelieving
despondent
destructivedejected
devoted

disturbed
dazed
downdubious
drained
dulldisgust
drained
embarrassedencouragingenergeticeasy-going
exasperated
exciteelated
edgy
empathyenragedenlightened
envy
exposedfulfilledfuriousflabbergastfrightenedfaithfed upfascinatedfrustratedfretfulfatiguedfantasticfearfulforlornfriendlyfrazzledfiercefretfulforcefulfumingfurious
grimgracious
gleeful
glad
great
guardedgrandgood-naturedgutsygrumpygrouchygentle
grieve
happyhopeful
humblinghearteningharsh
horrified
hopelesshelpfulhesitanthumiliated
hurthostileindifferentideologicalinconsiderateimpatientinfuriatedinhumaninsightfulindifferentirritatedintenseirateincensedjealousjoyjaded
jollyjubilantjittery
jovialkind
lively
lovelividlowleerylonely
lethargicmadmagnificentmiserablemystifiedmortifiedmelancholic
mad
mournfulmerrynaughty
neglectful
neurotic
nervous
negative
numbnasty
offendoutraged
optimistic
overwhelmed
pessimisticpeaceful
perturbedpetrified
passive
proud
praisedprivileged
positive
pleasant
powerful
pushy
perceptive
protected
preoccupied
panicked
puzzledquietqueerquarrelsome
reluctantriledrelaxedrestlessrefreshedresourceful
receptive
responsiveresponsiblesorrysad
susceptiblestroppyshatteredspiritedsadisticscepticalscaredsleepysorrowsurprisedstunnedshakensurprisestressedstrainedstartled
Appendix 122

shock
splendid
surestun
stagger
safeshocked
selfless
sensitivesecureshelteredsuspicioussatisfied
successfultriumphanttensetimid
traumatizedthoughtful
thrivingtranquilterrifiedtroubledtremendoustrust
tiredtensetolerantuptight
uncomfortableuneasy
unruffledunderstandingupsetunrulyupliftingunhappy
uninterestedviciousvulnerableviolentvexedweary
worriedwonderful
Appendix 123

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Index
(whole chapter or section references in bold)
afraid 6, 14 see also fearandscared
anger 5, 9–10, 31, 33, 39, 49, 51–2, 69, 71–2,
74, 80, 85 see also angry
angry see also anger
children 7, 29, 33, 36–7, 40, 49, 52, 54,
62, 67, 69, 71, 104, 105
teachers 15, 52, 62
art 60, 80–6 , 116
and clay modelling 82–3
and emotional literacy 83–5
and emotions 81–2
and reflection on literature 85
as therapy 81
artists 85
anxiety
in children 13, 21, 70, 75, 82in teachers 9, 82, 108
betrayal 69
bibliotherapy 57–60 see also storytelling
and small-group work 59
bored(om) 13, 19, 23, 36, 88
brainstorm 27, 39, 62, 65, 75,
90
bullying 1, 21–2, 26–7, 45, 54, 61,
75–7, 85, 90, 92, 102
calm 10, 16, 38–40, 43, 73, 75, 81
caregivers 4
caring 11, 43–4, 46, 56CASEL seeCollaborative for Academic,
Social, Emotional Learning
challenges (facing children) 1
class meetings 25–6, 33, 40, 42–7 , 75, 98,
102
and small groups / specific issues 45
and talking stick 44–5
Coetzee, M. and Jansen C. 63
Cohen, Jonathan 16
Collaborative for Academic, Social,
Emotional Learning (CASEL) 4–5
Comer, J. P. 95
conflict 16, 43
Costa, A. L. and Kallick, B. 102–3Covey, Stephen 8, 116
Dettore, E. and Cleary, S. 5
distress 31–2
Doty, G. 14–15
drama 59–60, 74–9 , 116
and acting out scenarios 76
and emotion charades 77
and puppet-making 77–8
and puppetshows 75, 112
and role-play 75, 78–9, 91, 112
and scripted drama 75, 78
drawing 11, 59, 83, 103–4, 108 see also
art
Educating Minds and Hearts 16

emotional development see also emotional
intelligence andEQ
in early childhood 3–4
in elementary school 4–5
Emotional Intelligence (Goleman) 3, 89
emotional intelligence 2–4, 7, 14,16, 22, 30,
37, 45, 57, 61, 63–4, 68, 70, 75–6, 78,
82, 88, 96, 98–100, 114, 116 see also
emotional development andEQ
in teachers 6–17
and empathy 13–15
and managing emotions 9–11
and relationships 15–17
and self-awareness 7–9
and self-motivation 11–13
practices
first application of 114–16
empathy 3, 5, 14, 16, 26, 46, 52–3, 57, 60–1,
63–6, 72, 75–6, 79, 93, 98, 116
EQ 2–3, 5, 14, 27, 32, 40, 43, 46, 54–5,
59–60, 63, 66, 69, 71–2, 74–5, 78, 80,
85, 89–90, 92–3, 95–6, 98–9, 102,
106, 115–16 see also emotional
development andemotional
intelligence
definition of 3development of 3
Ellison, L. 7–8, 12, 16, 30–1, 43, 102,
108–9
families 94, 95, 98fatigue 10fear 4, 9, 20, 52, 54, 82, 103 see also afraid
andscared
feeling thermometer 31–2 ,3 3
‘flow’ 11, 13Frames of Mind 3
Freedman, J. and Jensen, A. 3friendship 4–5, 25, 92
Gardner, Howard 3
Ghandi, Mahatma 11, 17, 116Goleman, Daniel 3–4, 7–9, 11, 13–16, 30–1,
36, 43, 49, 58, 60, 75–6, 89
Gottman, John 37–8
Greenspan, S. 30
Habits of Mind 102
happiness 4–5, 31, 33, 38–9, 69, 81, 85 see
alsohappyhappy see also happiness
children 10, 19, 27, 30–1, 33, 38–9, 45, 57,
71, 115
teachers 7, 15, 24
home–school links 94–100
and family circle time 98
and family treasure box 96
and making parents welcome 95–6
and newsletters 98
Hoover-Dempsey, K. V. and Sandler, H. M. 95
I’m Lonely (Your Feelings) 59
insecure 14, 19, 21, 30
Ireland, G. O. 57
Jablon, Judy R. et al. 108
jealousy 52, 69, 71
Jensen, E. 4, 36
journal(ing) 6, 9, 12, 26, 36, 48–55 , 59–60,
63, 90, 103–5, 108
and current events 52
and emotional quotes 52
and emotional intelligence quotes 52–3
and journal prompts 53–4
and self-learning 49–50
and small groups 53
Kaufman, G., Raphael, L. and Esplenad, P. 36
Kubler Ross, Elizabeth 114
learning 1–2, 7, 11, 1314, 16, 19–20, 22,
24–5, 27, 30, 36–8, 42–3, 49, 89–90, 93,
103, 105, 107–9, 112–13
community 12
contexts 108
environment (positive) 18–28
and child–teacher relationship 20
and choice for children 24and classroom rules 22and class routines 24
and peer relationships 21
experience 21, 89–90, 102opportunities 11, 12–13, 22, 89
outcomes 14, 21–2, 24, 32, 109
process 14, 16, 21, 24, 30, 32, 89social and emotional 2, 27, 46, 102,
114–15
styles 24
Mama and Daddy Bear’s Divorce 59
Index 126

Masurel, Claire 59
Mayer, Jack 3
McCown, K. S., Freedman, J. M., Jensen, A.
L. and Rideout, M. C. 2
meditation 10 see also stress relief
meetings seeclass meetings
memory 37
Monet 81
The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari 10, 24–5
Moses, Brian 59Munch (artist) 85
music 38, 60, 75, 83, 116 see also songs and
music
my special bag 33
Nabuzoka, D. and Smith, K. 4
National Research Council and Institute of
Medicine 4
Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) 10–11NLP seeNeuro Linguistic Programming
observation 45, 74, 87, 100, 104, 107–13
and being in disguise / wearing masks 112
and checklist 110–11
and filming children 112
and recording 110
Olness, Rebecca 20
painting 42–3, 71, 80–1, 107 see also art
Pardeck, J. T. 57–8
parent / s 6, 16, 19, 28–30, 53, 56, 59–60, 74,
83–4, 87–8, 91–2, 94–6, 98–100, 106,
110–12
The Personal Intelligences 16
physical status 9Picasso 80, 85poetry 62–8 ,9 2
and acrostic poems 65–6
and developing empathy 64
and poem therapy 63
and promoting emotional literacy 64
and shape poems 65
and two-voice poems 65–6
Pouliot, J. 70
problem solving 1, 54, 59, 67–8, 102, 112
real-life learning 87–93
and ‘friendship fair’ 91–2
and ‘giving a helping hand’ 90,9 2
and ‘my dream job’ 90–1 ,9 2reflection 9, 12, 55, 82, 101–6
and ‘I’m a puppet’ 105
and parents 99
and reflection chair 104–5
reflection— cont.
and self-interview 104
and teachers 27, 33, 40, 46, 54, 61, 66, 73,
78, 85, 93, 110, 112
relationship awareness 60, 66, 78, 92,
99
relationship management 27, 46, 60, 92
relationships 3–5, 7, 13, 15–16, 19–20, 26,
66, 87, 90, 95, 106, 109
child–teacher 20, 103, 109family 38, 99
peer 21–2, 33, 36
research
on brain 12, 36–8, 96
on diabetes 88
on emotional intelligence 2–4
on music 70
on parents role in education of children
95–6
on writing 50
respect 6, 13, 20, 22, 27, 44, 46, 89, 98
sad 4, 5, 33, 49, 53, 70, 72, 76, 88, 104, 107
see also sadness andunhappy
sadness 31, 33, 49, 52, 70–1, 85 see also sad
andunhappy
safe 7, 14, 17, 19–20, 24, 27, 44, 54, 78,
89–90, 112 see also secure
Salovey, Peter 3
SAT 2
scared 6, 19, 54, 65 see also afraid andfear
secure 7, 14, 17, 90 see also safe
self-awareness
in children 5, 7, 26–7, 30–3, 40, 46, 49–50,
54, 59–60, 66, 72, 78, 85, 90, 92
in teachers 3–10, 14–15, 20, 38, 49, 116
self-esteem 22, 83, 90, 98, 116
self-management 5, 15–16, 40, 72, 106self-motivation 3, 11, 15, 92
and teachers 12
SEL Implementation and Sustainability
Process model 114–15
Sharma, Robin 10, 24–5
Six Seconds 3
social awareness 5song 88, 92, 114 see also songs and music
Index 127

songs and music 69–73 see also song and
music
and emotional intelligence songs 71–2
and listening 71
songs and music— cont.
and making music 72
and making songs 72
and musical feelings 71
and self-expression 70
Spelman, Cornelia Maude 59
Stick up for Yourself 36
storytelling 56–61 , 102 see also
bibliotherapy
stress 9–10, 13, 21, 24, 32, 35, 49–50, 70, 75,
81–2, 98
and effect on learning 36–7-free 41
levels 41
stress relief 36–41 ,5 4
activities 37–40
and deep breathing 39
and meditation 38–9
and the throw away 40
Sylwester, Robert 43, 104
trust 13, 20, 44, 46, 69, 89, 103
Two Homes 59
unhappy 34, 101 see also sadandsadness
values 11–12, 15, 19, 33, 58, 68
Van Gogh 18, 85
Index 128