IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Model answer with examiner comments [610620]

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Model answer with examiner comments

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart gives information about the use of dentists by young people in one
year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and
make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The statistical information (1) indicates (1) how many children, adolescents and younger
adults (2) visited (2) a dental surgery (3) during a twelve-month period (4).

Probably the most fascinating fact (1) revealed (3) by the chart is that the
proportion (5) of younger individuals who (2) had (4) treatment on their teeth (6) was
much higher (5) amongst under -14s (7) and significantly lower (6) for older teenagers
and those in their early twenties (8). Approximately (9) one in seven younger children
reported (10) that they (3) had not even seen (7) a dentist once during the period in
question (11). In sharp contras t, (4) the figure (12) for older teens (13) was around two
fifths and , quite astonishingly, (5) half of all young women and nearly three quarters

of (14) young men surveyed (8) claimed (15) not to have seen (9) a dentist during that
year.

Data (16) showing (10) how many individuals went (11) to their dentist more than
once (12) is equally fascinating (17) and reveals (13) a similar
pattern (18). Whereas (6) around a third of younger children questioned (14) had
visited (15) their (7) dentist at least twice, the percentage (19) for respondents in their
twenties (20) was extremely (21) low.

There were (16) striking similarities (22) in trends (23) for males and females. In the
youngest and middle age groups, results were (17) almost identical (24). The
only significant (25) difference occurred (18) for responde nts over the age of twenty (26).
In this (8) category, considerably more (19) men than women reported (27) not having
been (20) to their dentist. Likewise, (9) around three times as many young women as
men (21) had sought (22) treatment more than (23) once. Just in excess of (28) ten
percent of females were in this group. The corresponding (10) number for their (11) male
counterparts (29) was a staggeringly (30) low five percent.

COHERENCE AND COHESION
(1) It is a good idea to start the first sentence in the main body of your answer with a phrase which
shows that this paragraph will discuss the most important issue.
(2) It is a good idea to use relative pronouns such as ‘who’ and ‘which’. They make your writing seem
more complex and they help your grade for Coherence and C ohesion.
(3) It is a good idea to use pronouns like ‘they’ in your answer. In this case, ‘they’ refers to ‘younger
children’. Using pronouns can make your writing seem better connected. It can also help you to
avoid repeating the same words.
(4) Words and phrases at the beginning of a sentence can help the IELTS examiner to understand the
relationship of one sentence to a previous sentence. Here, if you indicate that there is a contrast, it
makes it easier for the reader to follow your meaning.
(5) You can use adverbs such as ‘surprisingly’, ‘incredibly’ or ‘astonishingly’ in IELTS Task 1 to show
the reader that the information you are going to present is unusual or unexpected.
(6) This word can be used with a similar meaning to ‘although’. We use it when we want to compare
two things. It can be placed at the beginning of a sentence or in the middle of a sentence between
the two things we want to compare or contrast.
(7) It is a good idea to use possessive adjective s like ‘their’ in your answer. In this case, ‘their’ refers
to ‘younger children’. Using pronouns can make your writing seem better connected. It can also help
you to avoid repeating the same words.
(8) Using words like ‘this’ and ‘these’, either as pronouns or demonstrative adjectives can link
different parts of your answer together and make your writing seem much more organised and
cohesive.
(9) This word can be used to link two similar ideas together. It lets the IELTS examiner understand
that the information in the new sentence supports the same point as the information in the previous
sentence.
(10) This word means something like ‘similar’ or ‘same’. It can be used when you would like to
compare two similar groups. Using this word makes your writing seem well-connected.
(11) Here, using ‘their’ makes your writing seem better connected and more organised. It refers to
‘females’. Using it has the added advantage that you do not have to repeat the noun.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Model answer with examiner comments

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart gives information about the use of dentists by young people in one
year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and
make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The statistical information (1) indicates (1) how many children, adolescents and younger
adults (2) visited (2) a dental surgery (3) during a twelve-month period (4).

Probably the most fascinating fact (1) revealed (3) by the chart is that the
proportion (5) of younger individuals who (2) had (4) treatment on their teeth (6) was
much higher (5) amongst under -14s (7) and significantly lower (6) for older teenagers
and those in their early twenties (8). Approximately (9) one in seven younger children
reported (10) that they (3) had not even seen (7) a dentist once during the period in
question (11). In sharp contrast, (4) the figure (12) for older teens (13) was around two
fifths and, quite astonishingly, (5) half of all young women and nearly three quarters

of (14) young men surveyed (8) claimed (15) not to have seen (9) a dentist during that
year.

Data (16) showing (10) how many individuals went (11) to their dentist more than
once (12) is equally fascinating (17) and reveals (13) a similar
pattern (18). Whereas (6) around a third of younger children questioned (14) had
visited (15) their (7) dentist at least twice, the percentage (19) for respondents in their
twenties (20) was extremely (21) low.

There were (16) striking similarities (22) in trends (23) for males and females. In the
youngest and middle age groups, results were (17) almost identical (24). The
only significant (25) difference occurred (18) for responde nts over the age of twenty (26).
In this (8) category, considerably more (19) men than women reported (27) not having
been (20) to their dentist. Likewise, (9) around three times as many young women as
men (21) had sought (22) treatment more than (23) once. Just in excess of (28) ten
percent of females were in this group. The corresponding (10) number for their (11) male
counterparts (29) was a staggeringly (30) low five percent.

GRAMMATICAL RANGE AND ACCURACY
(1) It is essential that your verbs agree with your subject in IELTS writing. The examiner is very
unlikely to give you a high grade if you make more than one mistake in this area. Examiners
consider this area of grammar to be a very good indication of the level of a candidate.
(2) One of the most common mistakes made by candidates in IELTS Task 1 writing is to forget to
use past tenses. Usually, if you are writing about statistical information, you are writing about
the past. That means that, nearly all the time, you need to use past simple verbs.
(3) This is a good example of complex grammar. This is a reduced relative clause. We do not
need to include the words ‘which is’ before ‘revealed’. The IELTS examiner will give you credit
for using this complex structure.
(4) One of the most common mistakes made by candidates in IELTS Task 1 writing is to forget to
use past tenses. Usually, if you are writing about statistical information, you are writing about
the past. That means that, nearly all the time, you need to use past simple verbs.
(5) It is important to use comparative forms correctly in IELTS Task 1 writing. With a short
adjective like ‘high’, the comparative form is ‘higher’. We can add the word ‘much’ to show that
there is a big difference between the things we are comparing . We need to use this structure
with the verb ‘to be’.
(6) It is important to use comparative forms correctly in IELTS Task 1 writing. With a short
adjective like ‘low’, the comparative form is ‘lower’. We can add the word ‘significantly’ to show
that there is a big difference between the things we are comparing . We need to use this
structure with the ve rb ‘to be’.
(7) It is important to try to use complex verb structures in IELTS Task 1 writing. Usually, the past
simple verb form is correct. However, in this example we have two past events – the fact that
children did not visit the dentist and the fact th at children reported not visiting the dentist – and
when we refer to the earlier event we can use a past perfect tense.
(8) Here, the phrase ‘who were surveyed’ is replaced by the word ‘surveyed’. This is a reduced
relative clause and the IELTS examiner will give you credit for using this complex structure.

(9) IELTS examiners give a lot of credit to candidates who use two -verb structures correctly. In
this case, the verb ‘to claim’ is correctly followed by an infinitive form of a perfect verb. This is
very complex grammar and will help to increase the grade.
(10) This is another good example of complex language. The relative clause has been replaced
by the –ing form. IELTS examiners are impressed by the use of this academic structure.
(11) One of the most common mistakes made by candidates in IELTS Task 1 writing is to forget
to use past tenses. Usually, if you are writing about statistical information, you are writing about
the past. That means that, nearly all the time, you need to use past simple verbs.
(12) It is important to use comparative forms correctly in IELTS Task 1 writing. Candidates who
correctly use phrases like ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ usually get a better grade for Grammar and
also for Task Achievement . This is because these candidates successfully manage to compare
important features.
(13) Here a present simple verb is used. This is because we are not describing what happened in
the past. We are describing what we can see when we look at the statistical information in front
of us.
(14) Again, this is an example of a reduced relative clause. It would be possible to write ‘who
were questioned’ but if we omit the words ‘who were’ we can make the style more academic.
The IELTS examiner will give candidates credit for using this structure.
(15) Here a past perfect tense is used. We are describing two events and when we write about
the first event – the fact that children visited their dentist – we can use a past perfect verb. This is
complex writing and the examiner will give you a lot of credit for using it.
(16) One of the most common mistakes made by candidates in IELTS Task 1 writing is to forget
to use past tenses. Usually, if you are writing about statistical information, you are writing about
the past. That means that, nearly all the time, you need to use past simple verbs.
(17) One of the most common mistakes made by candidates in IELTS Task 1 writing is to forget
to use past tenses. Usually, if you are writing about statistical information, you are writing about
the past. That means that, nearly all the time, you need to use past simple verbs.
(18) One of the most common mistakes made by candidates in IELTS Task 1 writing is to forget
to use past tenses. Usually, if you are writing about statistical information, you are writing about
the past. That means that, nearly all the time, you need to use past simple verbs.
(19) Again, a more complex comparative form is used here. The word ‘considerably’ shows that
the difference between the things being compared is large.
(20) IELTS examiners give a lot of credit to candidates who use two -verb structures correctly. In
this case, the verb ‘to report’ is correctly followed by an infinitive form of a perfect verb. This is
very complex grammar and will help to increase the grad e.
(21) This is another complex comparative form. In nearly all IELTS Task 1 writing candidates
need to compare. It is vital for candidates to learn a lot of comparative forms. If complex forms
are used, the Grammar grade will usually rise.
(22) A past perfect form is used here. Although it seems that we only have one past event in this
sentence, we can use a past perfect because we are still referring to the fact that ‘men and
women reported’ in the previous sentence.
(23) This is another well-used comparative form. It is essential to use comparative forms in most
IELTS Task 1 writing. Without comparisons, it is very difficult for candidates to get a high grade
for Task Achievement.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Model answer with examiner comments

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart gives information about the use of dentists by young people in one
year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and
make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

The statistical information (1) indicates (1) how many children, adolescents and younger
adults (2) visited (2) a dental surgery (3) during a twelve-month period (4).

Probably the most fascinating fact (1) revealed (3) by the chart is that the
proportion (5) of younger individuals who (2) had (4) treatment on their teeth (6) was
much higher (5) amongst under -14s (7) and significantly lower (6) for older teenagers
and those in their early twenties (8). Approximately (9) one in seven younger children
reported (10) that they (3) had not even seen (7) a dentist once during the period in
question (11). In sharp contrast, (4) the figure (12) for older teens (13) was around two
fifths and, quite astonishingly, (5) half of all young women and nearly three quarters
of (14) young men surveyed (8) claimed (15) not to have seen (9) a dentist during that
year.

Data (16) showing (10) how many individuals went (11) to their dentist more than
once (12) is equally fascinating (17) and reveals (13) a similar
pattern (18). Whereas (6) around a third of younger children questioned (14) had
visited (15) their (7) dentist at least twice, the percentage (19) for respondents in their
twenties (20) was extremely (21) low.

There were (16) striking similarities (22) in trends (23) for males and females. In the
youngest and middle age groups, results were (17) almost identical (24). The
only significant (25) difference occurred (18) for respondents over the age of twenty (26).
In this (8) category, considerably more (19) men than women reported (27) not having
been (20) to their dentist. Likewise, (9) around three times as many young women as
men (21) had sought (22) treatment more t han (23) once. Just in excess of (28) ten
percent of females were in this group. The corresponding (10) number for their (11) male
counterparts (29) was a staggeringly (30) low five percent.

LEXICAL RESOURCE
(1) It is essential to avoid repeating language which appears in the question. In this case, we can
replace the word ‘chart’ with ‘statistical information’.
(2) This is a good example of impressing the examiner with your complex and varied vocabulary.
Using this phrase instead of ‘young people’ shows the IELTS examiner that you can use a wide
range of words to express your ide as.
(3) It is important to avoid repeating language from the question. Here we say ‘the use of
dentists’ in a different way. This shows the IELTS examiner that we can use language with
flexibility.
(4) In IELTS Task 1 Writing, candidates normally have to refer to a time period. It is a good idea
to learn some more complex alternatives such as this one.
(5) This is a good example of complex vocabulary. The IELTS examiner is always impressed if you
can use more advanced words and phrases. Here, ‘proportion ’ means something similar to
‘percentage’.
(6) In IELTS writing, it is essential to avoid repeating language from the question if possible. If
you copy too many words from the question, the examiner will think that you do not have
enough English to express the idea in other ways.
(7) In this task, it is very important to try to avoid using the word ‘children’. Here, by writing
‘under -14s’ we avoid repeating language from the question and avoid repeating ‘children’.
(8). Again, this phrase allows us to avoid repeating a more basic word. When doing IELTS writing,
it is essential to avoid repeating language and using basic words.
(9) This is a useful and complex word for IELTS Task 1. It can be used whenever IELTS candidates
write about num bers or statistics.
(10) This verb can be used to describe what people say that they do or did. It is very useful in
IELTS Task 1s which refer to a survey or questionnaire.
(11) Usually in IELTS Task 1 answers it is necessary to write about time periods. This phrase can
be used in nearly any answer and allows candidates to describe the time period in the question.
(12) This word is a good replacement for ‘number’. It is very important to avoid repetition in
IELTS writing.

(13) Many IELTS Task 1 question s refer to groups of people. It is important to try to find as many
different ways of describing these people or groups as possible. It is usually a bad idea to repeat
the language used in the question.
(14) It is a very good idea to learn as much statist ical language as possible. This is a good
example of the use of fractions. You could also write ‘two thirds’, ‘four fifths’ or ‘approximately
five sevenths’.
(15) This verb can be used to describe what people say that they do or did. It is very useful in
IELTS Task 1s which refer to a survey or questionnaire.
(16) This is a useful and complex word for IELTS Task 1. It can be used whenever IELTS
candidates write about numbers or statistics.
(17) This is a more complex way of expressing the idea of ‘as inte resting as’. It is more formal in
style and more academic, so the IELTS examiner will be impressed.
(18) This is a more complex way of expressing the idea of ‘the same trend’. It is more academic
in style and more advanced, so the IELTS examiner will be im pressed.
(19) It is a good idea to avoid repeating the same words. We have already used ‘proportion’ in
this answer, so ‘percentage’ is the best choice.
(20) This phrase is complex and allows us to avoid using a basic phrase such as ‘young adults’. It
is always a good idea to show the IELTS examiner how much complex and varied vocabulary you
have got.
(21) You should always try to avoid basic words like ‘very’. Words like ‘incredibly’ or ‘hugely’ are
a much better alternative.
(22) This phrase is extreme ly useful in IELTS Task 1 writing. When you are writing about
statistics, it is often necessary to compare two different categories. This phrase allows you to
explain that they are very nearly the same in some ways.
(23) This word is very useful in IELTS Task 1 writing. It can be used to describe patterns which
continue for some time. Candidates who are writing about statistics often refer to ‘upward
trends’ or ‘downward trends’.
(24) This is a more formal and complex alternative to ‘very similar’. In IEL TS Task 1 writing,
candidates often need to describe things which are nearly the same so this phrase is very useful.
(25) This word provides a good alternative to ‘big’ or ‘important’. It is important to avoid using
basic words and phrases in your IELTS w riting.
(26) The examiner will give credit if you avoid repeating the same phrases. Sometimes it is very
difficult to think of alternatives. However, even if you only make a small change, as in this
example, the IELTS examiner will give you credit.
(27) Sometimes it is almost impossible to avoid repetition. In this case, the verb ‘reported’ has
been used before but at least it was not used in the same paragraph. If you cannot think of
different ways of expressing an idea, at least try to keep your repetit ions far away from each
other in your writing.
(28) This phrase means ‘a little bit more than’. Quite often in IELTS Task 1 writing candidates
need to describe numbers and changes in amounts and quantities. This phrase is very useful.
(29) The word ‘coun terparts’ is complex and very useful in IELTS Task 1 Writing. It is used to
describe people who are similar in some ways but different in one important aspect. In this case,
the difference is gender. Candidates doing IELTS writing often need to compare two different
categories of people and this word is very helpful.

(30) This is a complex word meaning ‘extremely’. Although it is generally a bad idea to give your
opinions in IELTS Task 1 Writing, it is a good idea to indicate that something is surprising t o you
and will be surprising to the reader. This word allows you to express this idea.

IELTS Academic Writing Task 1: Model answer with examiner comments

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart gives information about the use of dentists by young people in one
year.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and
make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words.

MODEL ANSWER
The statistical information indicates how many children, adolescents and younger adults
visited a dental surgery during a twelve -month period.

Probably the most fascinating fact revealed by the chart is that the proportion of younger
individuals who had treatment on their teeth was much higher amongst under -14s
and significantly lower for older teenagers and those in their early
twenties . Approximately one in seven younger children reported that they had not even
seen a dentist once during the period in question. In sharp contrast, the figure for older

teens was around two fifths and, quite astonishingly, half of all young women and nearly
three quarters of young men surveyed claimed not to have seen a dentist during that
year.

Data showing how many individuals went to their dentist more than once is equally
fascinating and reveals a similar pattern . Whereas around a third of younger children
questioned had visited their dentist at least twice, the percentage for respondents in their
twenties was extremely low.

There were striking similarities in trends for males and females. In the youngest and
middle age groups, results were almost identical . The only significant difference occurred
for responde nts over the age of twenty . In this category, considerably more men than
women reported not having been to their dentist. Likewise, around three times as many
young women as men had sought treatment more than once. Just in excess of ten percent
of females were in this group. The corresponding number for their male counterparts was
a staggeringly low five percent.

EXAMINER COMMENTS: TASK ACHIEVEMENT
Paragraph 1: This is a strong first paragraph. In IELTS Task 1 writing the first paragraph
often has just one sentence. The most important thing to do in this paragraph is to re-
write the question, using your own words. This makes it clear to the examiner what you
are going to write about.

Paragraph 2: This is a strong paragraph. It focuses on one of the major and most obvious
results from the chart . The point is fully explained at the beginning of the paragraph and
statistical information is used to support this point. The information used is chosen
correctly and the reader can fully understand the point.

Paragraph 3: Another relevant point is made in the first sentence of this paragraph. This
point is supported by well -chosen statistical information. Although less support is given in
this paragraph, there is certainly enough for the reader to understand.

Paragraph 4 : This paragraph explains another key feature of the table. It explains the
relationship between males and females in the statistical information. Again, this is a
relevant area which is fully explained and supported with meaningful data from the chart.

Overall, the writer describes all of the most important points and provides a lot of
supporting evidence from the chart. Anyone reading this answer would have a very clear
idea about the chart.