Articol Denisa 2020 (1) [629185]

Parenting Mythology

Cristina Denisa Godeanu PhD. *
∗ Email: [anonimizat]

Department of Psychology, Faculty of Psychology and Educational Science, University of Bucharest,
Sos. Panduri 90, Sector 5, Bucharest, 050663, Romania
Abstract

Introduction: I would refer in this paper to those mythologies who affect the attitudes of parents to their child,
who affect the roles about being parents and child in the child -parent relationships. I hypothesised that implicit
communication, from right brain to right brain, creates implicit expectations, implicit roles and implicit
scena rios. The implicit mythological roles are transmitted by relational unconscious (Ginot, 2015) and are
associated with implicit procedural memory.
Objectives: This research aims to identify those myths who shape child- parent relationship by generating
implicit expectations, implicit roles and implicit scenarios.
Methods: For this research we use interpretative phenomenological analysis (Glasser, Strauss, Muchielli,
2002; Smith, 2008). In this context for collecting the datas we use the methods semi-structured interviews (
Syngly, Blanchet, Gotman, Kaufmann, Nils, Rimé, Mucc hielli, 1995; Moscovici, 2007), case-study (Atkinson,
1998, 2006; Yin, 2005), genogramme (McGoldrick, Gerson, 1990).
Results: The qualitative analysi s permitted the identification of specific mythologies associated with child parent
relationships and the clusters of specific implicit roles in the child parent relationships.
Conclusions We have tried to identify the way in witch the mythology of parenting has an effect in shaping
parent -child dynamics. In the cases studies we showed the way in witch the mythology of parenting creates a
way of being parents, conjugal partners, or child in a family. This kind of mythology generates implicit
expectations, implicit roles, implicit needs, implicit emotions and implicit behaviour in child -parent relationship.
So, child and parent could experience their relationship in a implicit mythological scenario, not being aware
about their roles, their needs, their behaviour. The myths about childcare and parental roles are created and
structured in concordance with narcissi stic needs of the members of the family. These myths represent the
implicit interdiction to be in other way.

Key-words: mythology of parenting, implicit familial role s, implicit mythological scenario

I.Introduction
I made the assumption that mythology of parenting has an effect in shaping parent -child dynamics. We use
mythology of parenting in a systemic transgenerational approach and we refer to stories and roles about being
parents, transmitted in families and comm unities. Mythology of parenting is a familial mythology. The familial
myth is a representation shared by members of the familial group (Hall, 1980; Neuburger, 2006). It creates rules
about how the members of a family can perform theirs roles (Neuburger, 2006). So, the mythology of parenting
is referring to stories, representations and ways of performing parental roles in a family.
The research developed by Allan N. Schore (2019) in the context of interpersonal biology enables us to
understand the familial roles as an effect of interpersonal mechanism. “The principle of interbrain
synchronisation is very important to understand how “minds and brains are shaped by other minds and brains”
(Schore, 2019).
Meares describes a conversation between two right brains as a protoconversation (Schore, 2019).
Protoconversation mechanism is fundamental for human communication.

The relational unconscious is a concept who regards the communication between the unconscious mind to other
unconscious mind (Ginot, 2019). Ginot (2019) mentions that nonverbal implicit communication from the right
brain to right brain (facial expression, prosody, gestures) determine unconscious affective transactions between
the participants to relation.
In this context, I hypothesised that implicit communication, from right brain to right brain, creates implicit
expectations, implicit roles and implicit scenarios.
The mythology of parenting creates a way of being parents in a family. This kind of mythology generates
expectations, roles, needs, emotions and behaviour in child -parent relationship. So, child and parent could
experience their relationship in a mythological scenario, not being aware about their roles, their needs, their
behaviour. The mythology of parenting could produce roles confusion, needs confusion and dysfunctional
behaviours. We could say that a mythological scenario is an implicit scenario and the members of the family
participate in the multitude of implicit roles transmitted by procedural memory. These implicit roles have a main
significance in the context of family mythology. The sacrificial mother is an example of role in a mythological
scenario who can affect deeply the development of a child.

Theoretic Frame

We use mythology of parenting in a systemic transgenerational approach and we refer to stories and
roles about being parents, transmitted in families and communities. Mythology of parenting is a familial
mythology. The familial myth is a representation shared by members of the familial group (Hall, 1980;
Neuburger, 2006). It creates rules about how the members of a family can perform theirs roles (Neuburger,
2006). The familial myth writes the roles and attributions of members of the family in the reciprocal transactions.
False or illusory these roles and attributions are accepted as sacred thing and tabu (Selvini Palazzoli, 1980).
Eveline Granjon conceive generational legacy as a structuring factor of the familial group. She made a
differentiation between interg enerational and transgenerational transmission. Intergenerational transmission
regards the objects, the myths, the stories and the phantasms who can be bearable by the family members. The
transgenerational transmission regards the negative objects, the secrets of the family, something who cannot be
sad (Ciccone, 1999). This differentiation made us understand the role of family mythology in preserving the
familial group.
So, the mythology of parenting is referring to stories, representations and ways of performing parental
roles in a family transmitted from generation to generation. The mythology of parenting creates a way of being
parents in a family. This kind of mythology generates expectations, roles, needs, emotions and behaviour in
child -parent relatio nship. So, child and parent could experience their relationship in a mythological scenario, not
being aware about their roles, their needs, their behaviour. The mythology of parenting could produce roles
confusion, needs confusion and dysfunctional behavi ours. The sacrificial mother is an example of role in a
mythological scenario who can affect deeply the development of a child.
The research developed by Allan N.Schore (2019) in the context of interpersonal biology enables us to
understand the familial roles as an effect of interpersonal mechanism. “The interpersonal mechanism are
expressed in brain -to-brain social interaction and thereby are activated in relational context, especially those in
wich two emotionally communicating right brains are aligned and synchronized” (Schore, 2016, p.2). The
principle of interbrain synchronisation is very important to understand how “minds and brains are shaped by
other minds and brains” (Schore, 2019). Protoconversation mechanism is fundamental for understanding how is
transmitted relational unconscious in the family relationships.
One phenomenon who maintains the myths in the family is projective identification. Projective
identification could be the most important way of psychic interaction who is the base of intersu bjective
transactions at unconscious level (Ciccone, 1999) . Projective identification was introduces in 1946 by Melanie
Klein. She has as clue the phantasmic relationship between mother and his child. This phenomenon permits an
extension of the Ego and an illusion of possessing an extern object. In the relationship mother -child we could
perceive this extension of the mother’s Ego in a way that the needs of the child does not exist. Normal projective
identification serves to communication but pathological projective identification serves to evacuation of
unconscious content (Ciccone, 1999) . For the Melanie Klein projective identification is a phantasmic
phenomenon. The parts of the self who are placed in the phantasmic object. The problems could appear when the
real object is pressed to conform to the role associated with the phantasmic object. In the case of the parent -child
relationship the parent could press the child to conform to the mythological role. In this case the child identity is
confused. We could use what Donald Winnico tt understands by false self for illustrates how the child feels its
identity. Winnicot t conceive false self as a defensive mechanism created in infant and child. Pathological
projective identification modifies the feel of identity (Ciccone, 1999). Depression, false self, obsession,
compulsive attachment could be the consequences of this phenomenon (Ciccone, 1999) . The family myth
presume a group projective identification.

Pierra Aulagnier introduces narcissistic contract for designate the unconscious bond between the parents and the
child but in the same time time betw een the ancestors and the child (Ciccone, 2003). Every child came with the
mission in the family group. Not just the parents but every member of the family expec ts from this child
something who can assure the continuity of the family and the fulfilment of the needs who are not expressed and
satisfied by the membe rs of the family. Aulagnier sees the child as a deposit for the unfulfilled dreams of the
parents. The child is narcissistic invested. The child finds, in the family space, the place for self development.
The primary narcissistic contract is made in the primary social group breaking through the narcissism of the
parents in the scenarios, myth and identity clue (Kaës, 2009). The narcissistic contract is asymmetric in a way
that will be imposed to the child (Kaës 2009).
The myths about childcare and parental roles are created and structured in concordance with narcissistic needs of
the members of the family. These myths represent the interdiction to be in other way. If you live in these family
you could not be other way. Here we would introduce the concept of tyrannic bond (Ciccone, 2003). When the
roles and scenarios created by the myths are imposed by the family, tyrannic bonds become constructed. Living
in a mythology scenario could mean the relationship between a child and a insecure mother who is confirmed by
the family as a mother just but in the mythological familial role. She feels insecure about being mother and the
attachment relationship with her child is developed rather insecure.
Klein showed how an individual’s inner world shapes their perception of the object and how through projective
identification the object is coerced into feeling and behavi ng in accordance to the projections it
receives.(Holmes, 1993) Bowlby has an evolutionary- ethological account of the mother -child bond. He was
loyal to object -relations theory but was taken ethological clues for explaining the effect of maternal deprivati on.
The time is already ripe for a unification of psychoanalytic concepts with those of ethology, and to pursue the
rich vein of research witch this unification suggest” (Bowlby, 1953). “Attachment theory accepts customary
primacy of the mother as the main care- giver, but there is nothing in the theory that suggest that fathers are not
equally likely to become principal attachment figures if they happen to provide most of the child care” (Holmes,
1999).
Bowlby describes the attachment using the concept of internal working models. “A securely attached child will
store an internal working model of a responsive, loving, reliable care- giver, and of a self that is worthy of love
and attention and will bring these assumptions to bear on all other relationship. Conversely, an insecurely
attached child may view the world as a dangerous place in wich other people are to be treated with great
caution…” (Holmes, 1999) .
The secure or insecure attachment, avoidant or ambivalent are developed as a strategies of being in relationships.
Avoidant attachment implies the denied of the needs for attachment of the child because of fear of being
rejected. The ambivalent strategy implies the oscillation between being submissive in relationship with the care-
giver or being very caring in relationship with the care- giver . The hyper anxious mother reduces the exploratory
behaviour of her child and the separation become very difficult.

II.Objectives
For our current study the general objective was to identify the myths about child care and about parenting
transmitted in the family contexts .
.
Specific objectives aimed at:
1. The identification, of the way in witch these myth shapes the mother -child, parent -child
relationships ;
2. The identification of the implicit roles and the scenarios associated with childcare
mythology ;
3. The identification of the pathological effect of transmitted child care mythology.

Hypotesis

I would refer in this paper to those mythologies who affect the attitudes of parents to their child, who
affect the roles about being parents and child in the child -parent relationships.
I hypothesised that implicit communication, from right brain to right brain, creates implicit
expectations, implicit roles and implicit scenarios. Implicit procedural memory underlying the implicit
roles is transmitted transgenerațional. In different families I encountered a collection of implicit roles
with significance for these families. Sacrificed mother, sacrificed woman, saviour and victim,
competent mother are examples of implicit roles in families.
In my therapeutic practice I encountered many family dysfunctions due to the confusion about being
parent and about being child. When the child is born into the family every member of the family

imagines him or her in various ways. In this way are created implicit roles, implicit expectations and
implicit behaviour about being a child. He or she comes, sometimes, to fulfil the expectations of the
parents or other members of the family but the confusions about implicit expectations generates
difficulties in assuming a role or other. The dissonance between implicit and explicit expectations
generates double bind communicatio n and confusion roles in the family relationships.
Some expectations about being child were based on the myths about duties, pathological loyalty of
duty. The numerous gifts and duties originate in a genealogical chain in which each is represented by
what has been (received)” and what “will be (offered)” , the expression of the act of “receiving from
others” and of “passing on to others”. This genealogical chain is passed on from generation to
generation as French psychoanalyst Alberto Eiguer stated, thus generating a specific pathology he
described as “the gift and duty pathology”. The intergenerational and transgenerational mental
transmission imply a continuous transmission process of various mental contents from one subject to
the next with the receiver having to metabolise them and thus integrate them in his own mental
representation system” (Eiguer, 2005c, pp. 26-31; Godeanu, & Godeanu 2016). Implicit- procedural
memory is the neurological correlate of these contents.
When the familial myth is more impo rtant than personal needs we can encounter familial disorders due
to a small level of differentiation from nuclear family.

III. Method

The champions

For this study we used 75 subjects devided in seven main groups:
– four groups (40 participants) were composed by mothers with children/teenages (ages 7 – 18 years
old);
– 1 group (12 participants) were composed by mothers with children (ages 1 – 3 years old);
– 1 group (13 participants) was composed by mothers with adult "children" (ages 27-35 years old).

In this study we use IPA.

Interpretative phenomenological analysis (IPA) (Glaser , Straus, Mucchielli, 2002; Smith, 2008).
The aim of interpretative phenomenological analysis is to explore in detail how participants are making
sense of their personal and social world, and the main currency for an IPA study is the meanings particular
experiences, events, states hold for participants.
The aim of interpretative phenomenological analysis is to explore in detail how participants are making sense of
their personal and social world, and the main currency for an IPA study is the meanings particular experiences,
events, states hold for participants” . The approach is phenomenological in that it involves detailed examination
of the participant’s lived experience; it attempts to explore personal experience and is concerned with and
individual’s personal perception or account of an object or event, as opposed to an attempt to produce an
objective statement of the object and event itself. At the same time, IPA also emphasises that the research
exercise is a dynamic process with an active role for the researcher in that process” (Smith, 2008, p.53).
„The assumption in IPA is that the analyst is interested in learning something about the
respondent’s psychological world. Meaning is central and the aim is to understand a complexity of this meaning”
(Smith, 2008, p.66).

Semi -structured interviews are the exemplary method for IPA
For collecting the datas we use the methods:

1. Semi -structured interviews (Francois Syngly, Alain Blanchet, Anne Gotman, Jean-Claude Kaufmann, Nils,
Rim é, Mucchielli, 1995; Moscovici, 2007);
2. Case -study (Atkinson, 1998, 2006; Yin, 2005);
3. Genogramme (McGoldrick, Gerson, 1990).

IV. Results

After the qualitative analysis of dates we indentified the following mythologies:

A. Mythology about implicit maternity roles
B. Mythology about implicit paternity roles
C. Mythology about caring relationship

Themes clustering:
– the sacrificed mother -the main role;
– the sacrificed woman ;
– the victim woman ;
– the aggressor father ;
– the incompetent father ;
– the parental child .
We identified three myths with great frequency.
“To be mother means to sacrifice herself”.
“To be mother means to do anything for your child”.
“To be mother means that you have no life for yourself”.
“Just the mother know what the child needs”.
The associated roles are:
a). sacrificed mother ;
b). sacrificed woman ;
c). saviour and victim ;
d). sacrificed and victim ;
e). competent mother .

The consequences on the child -mother relationship
– loyalty duty phenomenon ;
– reduced autonomy;
– confusion of the needs ;
– roles confusion;
– lack of a awareness of boundaries ;
– lack of rules;
– dysfunctional communication ;
– separation difficulty.
The consequences on the conjugal couple
The mythology about being parent interferes with mythology about conjugal couple.
“When you are mother you can*t have your time anymore”;
“When I become a mother I vanished from my couple”.

Consequences:
– confusion of the needs ;
– roles confusion ;
– lack of a awareness of boundaries ;
– lack of rules;
– dysfunctional communication .
Mythology about a paternity role
– the mythology about parenting do not emphasis the role of the father in relationship with the child;
– he could be perceived as authoritarian figure who manifests itself from time to time without constancy.

The myths associated with the paternity role:
“Father is one who sets the rules in the family”;
“The father must be the strongest”;
“The father do not know nothing about us. Mother made everything for us”.

Associated roles :

a). authoritarian father ;
b). agressive father ;
c). persecutor father ;
d). incompetent father .

Consequences on child -father relationship:
This mythology about paternity affects the dynamic father -child. The roles expectations are very confusing and
this generates dysfunctional communication. The child with incompetent or authoritarian father has difficulty in
separating the mother and reduced autonomy
Consequences on the conjugal couple:
– incompetent father is many times, incompetent conjugal partner ;
– roles confusion ;
– difficulties in communication.

C. Mythology about child care relationship
“A mother must do everything for her child”;
“You have to care the child in a way that prevents the dangers”;
“There are many dangers for the child and he must be protected”.

Consequences on the mother -child relationship:
The child could develop difficulties in the developmental stages.
Study cases

I choose to use some study case as example for the dynamic of implicit mythological roles and implicit
mythological scenarios.

A. Mythology about maternity role. Maternity as a sacrifice.
In many responses frequently I found the mythology of sacrificed mother.
1.”Being mother means being a sacrificed woman”. A mother must sacrifice for the good of her child. The
myth of sacrificed mother have many implications for the conjugal couple and for the child development. This
myth shapes the relationship with the child, setting the expectations from mother to the child and from child to
the mother. These expectations could be explicit or implicit. Many times mother does not have open
communication. Duty and loyalty are implic it expectations from the child.

Consequences of the myth on the mother -child relationship

Case Study 1:
“I remained at home for you”, said Irina to his child when he wanted to move from home. Saying it she wants
that his son, 20 years old, remains with her at home. Implicit loyalty generates a pathological response from the
son. This kind of pathological response is described as pathological duty (Eiguer, 2006) . The relationship
between mother and son is developed as a projective identification phenomenon associated with the anxious
ambivalent attachment and loyalty duty from her child.
– confusion of the needs ;
– roles confusion ;
– lack of a awareness of boundaries ;
– lack of rules;
– dysfunctional communication.
The son’s autonomy is blocked by the mother. This hyper anxious mother restrains the child autonomy because
of her own anxiety of relationship and of exploration. The anxious ambivalent attachment features this kind of
mother -child relationship. The mythology confirms and shapes the dynamic of this mother -child relationship. „I
am the mother who sacrifice herself for you and I need you to do the same for me”. This is the implicit message
from this „sacrificed mother” to her child in this case. She came from her origin family with this role of mother
who live the maternity not as something wishful but as something very difficult. „It is difficult to grow a child”.
This way of living maternity is very frequent for romanian mothers for the last four generations. This is not just
an effect of communist age, when it was really difficult to care a child, but is an effect of myths and stories about
caring a child transmitted in family and community. This mother came with this burden from her origin family

and her procedura l memory match very well with the mythology of sacrificed mother. She do not know to be
mother in other way. She do not know other mother role.
The mythology about maternity helps this very anxious mother to perform a role mother. She choose a sacrificed
role because she came in the couple relationship with this legacy, of a sacrifice mother.

Consequences of the myth on the conjugal couple
This myth of sacrificed mother affects the conjugal couple too. Mythological scenario in witch the priori ty is to
be mother not a woman shapes the husband wife relationship. The mythology about being parents interfere with
the mythology about being conjugal partners. The woman would be dissipated in the mother. So, the woman
disappear from the relationship with the man. Her expectations, as a woman, from her partner will become
secondary. This strengthens the relationship between mother and child in a pathological way. The man partner
will leave the conjugal relationship because he loose his role. Paradoxicall y he will loose the both roles, father
and conjugal partner.

Consequences of the myth on the child development as a adult
He feels very guilty about his try to separate from his home and from his mother. He decided to remain in his
origin town and renounced to choose a profession who implied moving in other town.
Now he has 32 years old and make a profession who do not like. He lived always with his mother. He has a
girlfriend but they do not shared the same space because he cannot leave his mother. He came to psychotherapy
with moderate depression. He do not know what he wants, what he needs. His girlfriend pressed him to make a
change for moving together but he is not prepared. He will feel very guilty if he will leave his mother.
This is the case of pathological loyalty who results from mythology of mother sacrifice. Many children who are
raised in the family with this mythology feel very responsible for their parents. They support an investment with
parental role from their parents. It is very difficult for them to have this role because the expectations from their
parents are very confusing. The communication is, many times, paradoxical. „I expect from you to be my parent
but, in the same time, I always remember you that you are my child”.
The insecure attachment anxious or avoidant features this kind of relationship.

Consequences of this myth on the conjugal couple.
Case Study 2: Consequences of this myth on the conjugal couple.
Having the role of sacrificed mother could be an obstacle for the development of the conjugal couple. In many
cases the mother isolates herself with the child in a separate room for many years. I have the example of a
mother who shared the same bedroom with his son until he was 12 years old. The relationship with his husband
was very affected. The space of the couple disappear and the man developed a relationship with another woman.
Sacrificed mother was a role priority for his wife.
The socialisation of the child was affected too. He developed an anxiety in relationship with the classmates and
possible friends. He become more and more isolated. Separation anxiety in relation with her mother persisted
after having a personal bedroom. The loyalty for his mother manifests in his adolescence too, when he renounced
to meet with his colleagues to the party just because he did not want to leave his mother alone in weekend. He
tried to respond to his mother expectations. He assumes this role of a saviour for his mother. The consequences
on the awareness of the needs, of the boundaries between he and his mother.
2.”When you are mother you can’t have your time anymore”. ”When I become a mother I vanished from my
couple”. This kind of family myth induces dysfunction in the conjugal couple and in the development of the
child.
The space of the erotic couple constantly disappear and the child becomes the power factor in the family.
Paradoxically, the child must face the responsibilities in the family witch are not adeq uate for his stage of
development. This creates dysfunctional pattern behaviour in the child -parents relationship.
– confusion needs ;
– confusion roles ;
– lack of a awareness of boundaries ;
– lack of rules ;
– dysfunctional communication .

Case study 1: Ilona says that can’t have a program with his husband because of her son, 5 years old. In his erotic
couple appears a dysfunctional pattern of communication. The husband initiates a program, she agrees with him
but after she stopes this initiative because her son have fever or because she can’t leave him with her sister or

because the son does not want to leave her going. This kind of communication between she and her husband
affects erotic relationship and give the child a great power in deciding the program of the parents. The child can
develop as a tyrannic child who can ask everything from his parents or who can decide for their needs or
program. There is a lack of rules and limits. He will develop difficulties in performing the tasks and in the social
behaviour. The child will become more and more responsible for his parents.

Consequences on the child development.
Ilona’ s child has difficulties in relationships with his mates at school garden. He wants all the time to be with his
mother. The teachers have communic ation problems with him. He cannot eat at school garden without his
mother. He cannot be autonomous because is dependent of his mother. Separation anxiety stop him from being
functional at school garden and in other social places. In the same time in his house space he is the one who have
the power in controlling his parents. The parental role of this child stops him from developing functional at
school garden.

Consequences on the conjugal couple dynamic
Ilona and her husband have problems in functioning as a conjugal couple. When the child is born she separated
from her husband and shared the bedroom with her son.

3.”You can’t leave your child because you need to rest or you need to make something for yourself. There are
not limits when you are a mother. You must do anything for your child”.
The mythologies about being a mother fade away the mother ’s and the child ’s real needs. False expectations are
created and the communication mother child is affected. The roles become myth ic and are performed in a
scenario who preserves the same mother -child relationships.

B. Mythology about paternity role
The mythology about parenting do not emphasis the role of the father in relationship with the child. Father is
rather absent from this formula. He could be perceived as authoritarian figure who manifests itself from time to
time without constancy. This kind of prescribed role affects the father -child relationship. The child remain in the
mother arms and the separation could happened very late in his life. Pathology about autonomy is the evidence in
this cases. Mother remains the only parental clue in the child life.

Case Study 2: Maria grew -up in her family where the father have not many interactions with his sons. Now she
has her own family and the expectations for his husband being father are almost inexistent. Her son, 7 years old,
Marius wants to spent more time with his father but the father is unprepared to spent the time with his son. Until
now he does not have idea how it is to have more time with his son. The dynamic relationship shaped by
mythology would not permit other interactions.
„Father is one who sets the rules in the family”;
„The father must be the strongest”;
„The father do not know nothing about us. Mother made everything for us”;
„Only the mother knows what her child needs”.
The last myth generates a very evident role, incompetent father. The incompetent father was, first af all,
incompetent husband, or conjugal partner. Confusion of roles generates , many times, confusions in expectations
and misunderstandings in communication.

C. Mythology about childcare relationship
„You have to care the child in a way that prevents the dangers . There are many dangers for the child and he
must be protected”. This kind of mythology generates anxiety and hyper protection to the mother or other caring
person. We speak about the same projective identification and about the anxious attachment. The mother roles is
created in the middle of the scenarios in witch the danger is central.
The childcare expectations in the family and in the community creates the behaviour of hyper protection. To
ages when the child can be autonomous and can take care about their basal needs, can feed himself, the
mythology of parenting in Romania cancels these autonomy because of the anxiety and control need from parent
to the child. For example, Carmen take care about her child, 12 years old, when he get to the toilet. The tendency
to do things in place of others generates confusion about their needs and their satisfaction.
You must feed your child beyond the age when he can be autonomous.

Case Study 3: Maria is a woman who has a child, Remus 7 years old. She came to therapy being concerned about
eating difficulties of his son. She says Remus do not want to eat upon his mother expectations. She grew -up in a
family who have many stories about how a child can be well nurtured. She came in her own family with these
stories. Now she has a problem with her son because expects from him to atten d her expectations. After
evaluation of alimentary behaviour of her son we found that Remus eats in accordance with his needs, when he
is hungry. His mother is unhappy about it because she thinks that Remus must eat more. The stories and the
myths about eating came to the surface. She can’t gave away these stories and this affect the relationsh ip and the
alimentary behavior.
There is a mythology of childcare who emphasises alimentary behaviour. You will be a good mother if you
could feed your child with much food. The expectations of the mother are shaped by mythology and are not in
touch with the child*need. She knew that the child will be well if he accepts to eat all she gave him.

V. Conclusions
The effect of mythological pressures in the family is dysfunctional communication, roles confusion and
pathological dynamic. We have choose to emphasise, with priority, the role of the sacrificed mother because is
often mentioned as a principal transmitted role mother in the romanians family. -The myth of sacrificed mother
have many implications for the conjugal couple and for the child development. This myth shapes the relationship
with the child, setting the expectations from mother to the child and from child to the mother. Pathological
loyalty is the effect . The mythology about being parents interfere with the mythology about being conjugal
partners. The priority to be mother not a woman shapes the conjugal partners relationship. Mythology about
child care transmitted in the family and in the community have consequences on the parents -child relationship
and on the child development.
We have tried to identify the way in witch the mythology of parenting has an effect in shaping parent -child
dynamics. In the cases studies we showed the way in witch the mythology of parenting creates a way of being
parents, conjugal partners, or child in a family. This kind of mythology generates implicit expectations, implicit
roles, implicit needs, implicit emotions and implicit behaviour in child -parent relationship. So, child and parent
could experience their relationship in a implicit mythological scenario, not being aware about their roles, their
needs, their behaviour. The myths about childcare and parental roles are created and structured in concordance
with narcissistic needs of the members of the family. These myths represent the implicit interdiction to be in
other way.
We have choose to emphasise, with priority, the implicit role of the sacrificed mother because is often
mentioned as a principal transmitted role mother in the romanians family. “Being mother means being a
sacrificed woman”. A mother must sacrifice for the good of her child. The myth of sacrificed mother have
many implications for the conjugal couple and for the child development. This myth shapes the relationship
with the child, setting the implicit expectations from mother to the child and from child to the mother. These
expectations could be explicit too but the dissonance with the implicit expect ations creates double bind messages
and roles confusions. Duty and loyalty are implicit expectations from the child. In this role mother lives the
maternity not as something wishful but as something very difficult. „It is difficult to grow a child”. This way of
living maternity is very frequent for romanian mothers for the last four generations. This is not just an effect of
communist age, when it was really difficult to care a child, but is an effect of myths and stories about caring a
child transmitted in family and community.
This myth of sacrificed mother affects the conjugal couple too. Mythological scenario in witch the priority is to
be mother not a woman shapes the conjugal partners relationship. The mythology about being parents interfere
with the mythology about being conjugal partners. The woman would be dissipated in the mother. So, the
woman disappear from the relationship with the man. Her expectations, as a woman, from her partner will
become secondary. ”You can’t leave your child because you need to rest or you need to make something for
yourself. There are not limits when you are a mother. You must do everything for your child”.
The mythologies about being a mother fade away the mother ’s and the child ’s real needs. False expectations are
created and the communication mother child is affected. The roles become mythic and are performed in a
scenario who preserves the same mother -child relationships.
Pathological loyalty results from mythology of mother sacrifice. Many children who are raised in the family with
this mythology feel very responsible for their parents. They support an investment with parental role from their
parents. It is very difficult for them to have this role because the expectations from their parents are very
confusing. The communication is, many times, paradoxical. „I expect from you to be my parent but, in the same
time, I always remember you that you are my child”.
Mythology about child care transmitted in the family and in the comm unity have consequences on the
parents -child relationship and on the child development. The child develops difficulties in the developmental
stages.

Effects:
– the autonomy of the child in a different stages of development with regard to satisfactio n of the basal
needs is affecte;
– mother or other caregiver person has problems in setting the rituals of micturition, defecation or feeding
to the child ;
– associated pathology, enuresis, encopresis, bulimia, anorexia ;
– risk for developing substance, digital or hazard games abuse
So, the effect of mythological pressures in the family is dysfunctional communication, roles confusion and
pathological dynamic. Loyalty of duty is one of consequences of living in mythology. Psychotherapeutic
intervention is needed. We developed a way of intervention called demythologisation in witch we aim to help
parents and children to leave their mythic roles reconnecting with their real needs, emotions and roles in the
family.

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Semi -structured questionar of parenting mythology

1. How is represented maternity in your life?
2. How is represented maternity in your origin family?
3. What stories about being mother do you know?
4. How is talking in your family about the mothers of the family?
5. What expectations are transmitted in your family about mother role?
6. What expectations are transmitted in your community about mother roles?
7. How is represented paternity in your life?
8. How is represented paternity in your origin family?
9. What stories about being father do you know?
10. How is talking in your origin family about the fathers of the family?
11. What expectations are transmitted in your origin family about father role?
12. What expectations are transmitted in your community about father role?
13. How the stories about being mother shape the relationship with your child?
14. How the stories about being father shape the relationship in the parental couple?
15. What stories about childcare are transmitted in your family?
16. What stories about childcare are transmitted in your community?
17. How the stories about childcare shape your caring behaviour?