Stress evaluation during the COVID19 pandemic on the diverse [607807]

Stress evaluation during the COVID19 pandemic on the diverse
population of Romania
SÎRBU MARINELA, NIȚĂ ELISABETA , ȘCHIOPU MIHAELA

Content
1.Stress evaluation during the COVID19 pandemic on the diverse population
of Romania -research………………… ……………….

2.Journal pages about quality of life and stress during the COVID19 pandemic
Annexes……………………..
Bibliography………………………..

On March 15, Romania entered a state of emergency.
On April 7, while talking to m y friend Bety on the phone, both of us have
noticed that wherever one may look stress was climbing up to the top of the
roofs. And besides stress, there was something else disturbing there. We have
promised ourselves not to let this also go away and to kee p it together
somehow.
Bety continued to care for her patients from the ward day after day, without
saying a single word about any burden pressing her.
Tatiana and I moved to the virtual world (the children who were undergoing art
therapy were confined in the wards; working in groups was out of question).
The virus had scattered us all everywhere.
The days were passing, one by one. As for Bety, she was pressed by the testing,
worried colleagues, and masked patients. Some were intubated and some were
not. In the hospital where she is working, as well as in all the other ones, no one
from outside was allowed to enter. Each patient was there alone and without
visitors. And apart from Covid they were also worried as they had no chance to
get any homemade borsch.
Bety’s voice became a more profound and meditative one, while quite
surprisingly, her smile was more consistent.

For me, everything has changed. I was reading stories on the phone, receiving
paintings and pictures from the children, and everything was “as if” we were
together but in a much different way. Meanwhile, some children have passed
away and neither Tatiana nor I could go to the hospital. Usually, the mothers
had to remain there after the burial ceremonies to which only eight persons were
allowed t o participate.
The other job I have is with the faculty of architecture. My students, dressed in
pajamas, were looking in dismay to their laptops trying to get used to their
solitude or to the need to live once again together with their parents under the
same roof. Former students were missing school. Every time they were
attending a “meeting” while wearing slipper, we felt that we were missing
something.
There was no one on the streets. – In the evening, watching all screens available
we were finding out how many and where people died in the world. There were
hundreds or thousands in Italy Spain, England and so on.
Then I was having a “long -distance call”, with a fabulous child who had gone
for treatment abroad. And he, after being isolated after an autotr ansplant, had to
be isolated once again because of the virus. I was also talking to a mother who
was taking care of old people in a foreign country to compensate for the child
she had lost in Romania.
The Easter followed. We were each waiting in his/her ow n box, with our little
candles on the window. No dinner with friends, no church attendance. On my
street, a woman was sharing the holly candlelight. People were overwhelmed
and received it with eyes full of tears.
"Christ is Risen!" was heard from the neig hboring block of flats in the middle of
the night and I was also screaming in the dark, from the top of my lungs “Truly
risen!" Our screams were flying into the general darkness. Then we sent each
other messages, with words one usually tells face to face. We were really
missing this, terribly longing for.
In the voices of those I spoke to, both Bety and I have noticed that there was
uneasiness. Something important, overwhelming, and difficult to define was
happening in everyone’s life. People were asking th e biggest, most profound
questions. They were somehow having time for themselves. The time they had
been always trying to avoid.
Beyond the thoughts, almost everyone around felt that they were intensively
coming close to the understanding that after all th is dismay there is something
worth keeping. Something certainly essential, I believe, that thing to which the
old ladies from the asylum were thinking when my mother was still alive there.
The same thing Bety’s mother is thinking about now as well as the m onks.
The pages that follow to gather a concluded research work and the testimonies
of several people: patients, architecture and psychology students, architecture
graduates, psychologists, mothers of angels, and teenagers reaching the happy
ending of the long oncological treatments.

The state of emergency ended on May 15.
We hope we do not forget that precious something.
We use this opportunity to express our gratitude to those who have granted us
several hours of conversation, the torment of writing, draw ings, and
photographs illustrating the two months of isolation.
We are also thanking to our friend Daniela Sinea who, with patience and
understanding, has taken care to translate our words into the English language.
Special thanks are being extended to the Lady Teacher who has also supported
this dream of ours that says:” Let's not forget!”

Mihaela Șchiopu and Elisabeta Niță .

1.Stress evaluation during the COVID19 pandemic on the
diverse population of Romania -research

SÎRBU MARINELA1, NIȚĂ ELISABETA1
1Hyperion University, Faculty of Psychology and Educational Sciences,
Depa rtment of Psychology
Corresponding author: SÎRBU M, Calea Călărașilor 169, Sector 3, București,
030615
E-mail address: psihoterapii_scurte@yahoo.com

Abstract

Objectives: This study aims at seeing which the stress level is during
the COVID19 pandemic on a diverse adult population from
Romania.
Method: For stress evaluation a specific tool having 39 items called
affective distress profile (PDA) was used. It measures positive
emotions, functional negative emotions, negative dysfunctional
emotions, and the White Bear suppression inventory scale with 15
items which assess a person’s attempt to resort to suppression as a
mental control strategy.
Conclusion: The results of the study provide benchmarks for
psychologists for the evaluat ion of and psychological inte rvention in
stress situations , benchmarks for the development of a program for
the awareness of and approach to people's mental health problems
during this COVID19 pandemic .
Keywords: stress, pandemic, COVID19, depression, anxiety

Introduction:
The COVID -19 pandemic generates a major health crisis that affects
many countries, and a 2020 study highlights some consequences of
the pandemic on mental health: symptoms of anxiety, depression,
stress and insomnia. In order to manage stress, the same study lists

several strategies such as: assessing the accuracy of information,
improving social support, reducing stigmatization and maintaining a
normal a life as much as possible, while respecting safety measures
and using available psychosocial services , especially the online one,
when needed. [1]
During the COVID 19 pandemic, the population is experiencing a
traumatic event directly, an intense or prolonged psychological
discomfort, and according to DSM 5 , they may evidence sy mptoms
of acute stress disorder, intrus ive symptoms, negative moods,
dissociative symptoms, avoidance symptoms and excitement
symptoms. [ 2]
APA, in 2020, has recommended several measures to deal with the
situation: social media can escalate anxiety more than the traditional
mass -media, too muc h media can undermine mental health, reliable
and accurate information about the situation and lack of control fuels
stress and stress management can prevent long -term problems. Also,
in order to reduce the risk of negative results for the mental health of
the family members during isolation, efforts such as a close and open
communication among family members, between children and
parents, educational videos to promote a healthy lifestyle at home,
and online services by psychologists in order to help famili es cope
with the stress are recommended. [3]

Research objectives:
1. Identification of some stress factors within the investigated
population. Distribution on social status (medical and non medical),
age category (20-80 ye ars old) and on if mental control di fferences
exist between d ysfunctional emotions of depression type and
dysfunctional emotions of anxiety type.
2. To extract and identify the differences of m ental auto -control (the
White Bear suppression inventory) regarding the depressive type of
thoughts an d the anxious/ anxiogenic type.
3. To investigate and identify the differences between dysfunctional
emotions of depression type and dysfunctional emotions of anxiety
type among the medical and non -medical staff.
The working hypothesis of the study is that th ere is distress among
adults in Romania during the COVID19 pandemic and that there are
statistically significant associations between the various emotions of
affective distress.
For the evaluation of distress, the affective distress profile (PDA)
was used with 39 items grouped as follows: 6 items with negative
functional emotions from the sadness category, 8 items with negative
dysfunctional emotions from the depression category, 6 items with

negative functional emotions from the anxiety category, 6 items w ith
negative dysfunctional emotions from the anxiety category and 13
items with positive emotions. The PDA scale was designed for the
Romanian population by David Opriș and Bianca Macavei in 2005,
and this scale is part from the clinical evaluation system (SEC) that
has been adapted in Romania by University Professor Dr. Daniel
David.
The results obtained by analyzing of the construct validity of the
query are: the positive association between emotional dis tress and
cognitive distortions, and anxiety and d epression. [4]
The study has also used the same clinical assessment system and the
White Bear Suppression Inventory (WBSI) scale, which was
developed by Daniel Weigner and Sophia Zanakos with 15 items that
follows a person's tendency to resort to suppressi on as mental
control.
There are many studies that show successful suppression for the
avoidance of the negative emotions, and for the control of some
undesired emotions but there are also studies which are showing that
the suppression has failed and which evidence an increase in the
accessibility of the undesired thoughts both during the sup pression
period as well as during the immediate following one. [5]
The study was conducted through a survey in April 2020, and the
number of respondents was 110, out of which 50 were respondents
from the medical sector, and 60 respondents from the non -medical
sector aged between 20 -75 years (Table 1).
Table 1 – Distribution by age categor y and by the domain of medical
or non -medical professional activity.

Age range
years 20-30
ani 31-40
ani 41-50
ani 51-60
ani 61-70
ani 71-80
ani Total
Medical 9 8 13 15 4 1 50
Nonmedical 18 16 12 11 3 0 60

From the analysis of the White Bear suppression inventory scale it
has resulted an average of 50.98 points for those in the medi cal
sector and an average of 50.26 points for those in the non -medical
sector and the highest score item for the ones in the medical sector is
"Sometimes I wish to think about nothing" while the highest score
item for those in the non -medical sector is "So metimes I wonder why
certain thoughts come to my mind." From the analysis of the

affective distress scale (PDA) it has resulted a high distress level
among the medical staff and a high level of distress on the inferior
limit among the non -medical staff.
Table 2 – Average emotions on the emotional distress scale .
Positive
emotions
(average ) Negative
functional
emotions
(sadness/average ) Negative
dysfunctional
emotions
(depression/average ) Negative
functional
emotions
(worry/average ) Negative
dysfunctional
emotions
(anxiety/average ) Total
distress
(average)
Medical 45,34 16,74 17,86 18,92 14,92 68,44
Non-
medical 34,75 12,56 15,03 16,01 12,51 56,13

For the statistical analysis of the results obtained from the two tests
the statistics program Epi Info Classic Analysis was used, a statistics
software developed by the Centres for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC) in Atlanta, Georgia (USA) that was licensed as
public domain. The association between the response categories was
analyzed using the chis -quared test, the contingency table among the
items on the affective distress scale. Linear regression was also used
in order to identify which are the variables, particularly, the
significant predictors of the result variable and also to explain the
relation b etween a dependent variable and one or more independent
variables. The regression analysis helps us understand how much the
dependent variable changes with a change in one or more
independent variables. The following indicators have been used in
this analy sis: Coefficient – the regression coefficient representing the
average modification of the response variable for a single
modification unit in the predictor variable while it is keeping other
predictors within the constant level of the model; std error – the
standard error is an estimation of the standard deviation of one
coefficient; P –value , a predictor with a low p value, is a significant
addition to the model because the variations in the value of the
predictor are correlated to the modifications of t he response variable;
Constant – guarantees that the residues do not have a positive or
negative global trend and are used as a garbage can for any prejudice
that is not explained by the terms of the model; Correlation
Coefficient: r ^ 2 – shows the intensi ty of the link between the
regression series, and r> 0 indicates the direct links, and r close to
+1 indicates a close link between variables; Sum of Squares –
provides information on how long the regression line has been
estimated from the horizontal line "without relations"; Mean Square –

provides information about the differences among the samples; F-
statistics – shows if a of group of variables are significant ly in
common; Residuals -shows the difference between the value
observed and the predicted value.

Results:
A statistically significant association has been established between
the Depressed item, in the section with negative dysfunctional
emotions, depression category, and the Anxious item in the section
with negative dysfunctional emotions, anxiety category. (table 3)
(probability p <0.05, chi -squared test, df -degrees of freedom)
Table 3 – Association between the Depressed item and the Anxious
item

Anxiety
Depressed 1 2 3 4 5 Total
1 25 19 5 0 0 49
Row% 51.02% 38.78% 10.20% 0.00% 0.00% 100.00%
Col% 89.29% 59.38% 18.52% 0.00% 0.00% 44.55%
2 3 7 11 4 0 25
Row% 12.00% 28.00% 44.00% 16.00% 0.00% 100.00%
Col% 10.71% 21.88% 40.74% 28.57% 0.00% 22.73%
3 0 5 10 5 4 24
Row% 0.00% 20.83% 41.67% 20.83% 16.67% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 15.63% 37.04% 35.71% 44.44% 21.82%
4 0 0 1 4 2 7
Row% 0.00% 0.00% 14.29% 57.14% 28.57% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 0.00% 3.70% 28.57% 22.22% 6.36%
5 0 1 0 1 3 5
Row% 0.00% 20.00% 0.00% 20.00% 60.00% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 3.13% 0.00% 7.14% 33.33% 4.55%
TOTAL 28 32 27 14 9 110
Row% 25.45% 29.09% 24.55% 12.73% 8.18% 100.00%
Col% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00%
Chi-Squared df Probability
87.085 16 0

Row% – percentage of the total Anxious item for each answer
variant; Col% – percentage of the total Depressed item for each
answer variant.
A statistically significant association was established among the
Useless item from the section with the negative dysfunctional
emotions, from the depression category and the Nervous item from
the section with negati ve dysfunctional emotions, anxiety category.
(Table 4) (probability p <0.05, chi -squared test, df -degrees of
freedom)
Table 4 – Association of the non -useful item with the Nervous item

Non-useful
Nervous 1 2 3 4 5 Total
1 11 8 2 0 0 21
Row% 52.38% 38.10% 9.52% 0.00% 0.00% 100.00%
Col% 29.73% 24.24% 7.14% 0.00% 0.00% 19.09%
2 18 18 7 2 2 47
Row% 38.30% 38.30% 14.89% 4.26% 4.26% 100.00%
Col% 48.65% 54.55% 25.00% 25.00% 50.00% 42.73%
3 7 6 11 3 2 29
Row% 24.14% 20.69% 37.93% 10.34% 6.90% 100.00%
Col% 18.92% 18.18% 39.29% 37.50% 50.00% 26.36%
4 1 1 3 1 0 6
Row% 16.67% 16.67% 50.00% 16.67% 0.00% 100.00%
Col% 2.70% 3.03% 10.71% 12.50% 0.00% 5.45%
5 0 0 5 2 0 7
Row% 0.00% 0.00% 71.43% 28.57% 0.00% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 0.00% 17.86% 25.00% 0.00% 6.36%
TOTAL 37 33 28 8 4 110
Row% 33.64% 30.00% 25.45% 7.27% 3.64% 100.00%
Col% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00%
Chi-Squared df Probability
33.8532 16 0.0057

Row% – percentage of the total Useless item for each answer var iant;
Col% – percentage of the total Nervous item for each answer variant.
A statistically significant association was established between the
Sad item in the section with negative functional emotions, sadness
category and the Concerned item in the section with negative
functional emotions, worried category. (Table 5) (probability p
<0.05, chi -squared test, df -degrees of freedom)
Table 5 – Association of the Sad item with the Concerned item

Concerned
Worried 1 2 3 4 5 Total
1 2 8 5 1 3 19
Row% 10.53% 42.11% 26.32% 5.26% 15.79% 100.00%
Col% 100.00% 47.06% 11.36% 3.03% 21.43% 17.27%
2 0 8 17 12 3 40
Row% 0.00% 20.00% 42.50% 30.00% 7.50% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 47.06% 38.64% 36.36% 21.43% 36.36%
3 0 0 16 12 4 32
Row% 0.00% 0.00% 50.00% 37.50% 12.50% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 0.00% 36.36% 36.36% 28.57% 29.09%
4 0 1 6 5 2 14
Row% 0.00% 7.14% 42.86% 35.71% 14.29% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 5.88% 13.64% 15.15% 14.29% 12.73%
5 0 0 0 3 2 5
Row% 0.00% 0.00% 0.00% 60.00% 40.00% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 0.00% 0.00% 9.09% 14.29% 4.55%
TOTAL 2 17 44 33 14 110
Row% 1.82% 15.45% 40.00% 30.00% 12.73% 100.00%
Col% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00%
Chi-Squared df Probability
39.0469 16 0.0011

Row% – percentage of the total Concerned item for ea ch answer
variant; Col% – percentage of the total Sad item for each answer
variant.
A statistically significant association has been established between
the Melancholic item from the section of negative functional
emotions, sadness category, and the Worrie d item from the section of
negative functional emotions, concerned category. (table 6)
(probability p <0.05, chi -squared test, df -degrees of freedom)
Table 6 – Association of Melancholic item with Worried item

Worried
Melancholic 1 2 3 4 5 Total
1 3 4 9 4 1 21
Row% 14.29% 19.05% 42.86% 19.05% 4.76% 100.00%
Col% 42.86% 20.00% 20.93% 13.79% 9.09% 19.09%
2 1 8 20 3 5 37
Row% 2.70% 21.62% 54.05% 8.11% 13.51% 100.00%
Col% 14.29% 40.00% 46.51% 10.34% 45.45% 33.64%
3 2 8 10 11 4 35
Row% 5.71% 22.86% 28.57% 31.43% 11.43% 100.00%
Col% 28.57% 40.00% 23.26% 37.93% 36.36% 31.82%
4 1 0 4 6 1 12
Row% 8.33% 0.00% 33.33% 50.00% 8.33% 100.00%
Col% 14.29% 0.00% 9.30% 20.69% 9.09% 10.91%
5 0 0 0 5 0 5
Row% 0.00% 0.00% 0.00% 100.00% 0.00% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 0.00% 0.00% 17.24% 0.00% 4.55%
TOTAL 7 20 43 29 11 110
Row% 6.36% 18.18% 39.09% 26.36% 10.00% 100.00%
Col% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00%
Chi-Squared df Probability
32.1769 16 0.0095

Row% – the total p ercent of the Worried item for each an swer variant ;
Col% – the total percent of Melancholic item for each an swer variant
A statistically significant association was established between the
Jovial item in the positive emotions section and the Enthusiastic item
within the same section. (table 7) (probability p <0.05, chi -squared
test, df -degrees of freedom)

Table 7 – Association of Jovial item with Enthusiastic item

Row% – percentage of the total Jovial item for each answer variant;
Col% – percentage of the total Enthusi ast item for each answer
variant Jovial
Enthusiastic 1 2 3 4 5 Total
1 2 0 1 1 1 5
Row% 40.00% 0.00% 20.00% 20.00% 20.00% 100.00%
Col% 66.67% 0.00% 1.75% 3.23% 9.09% 4.55%
2 0 5 5 2 0 12
Row% 0.00% 41.67% 41.67% 16.67% 0.00% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 62.50% 8.77% 6.45% 0.00% 10.91%
3 1 3 25 7 3 39
Row% 2.56% 7.69% 64.10% 17.95% 7.69% 100.00%
Col% 33.33% 37.50% 43.86% 22.58% 27.27% 35.45 %
4 0 0 20 18 2 40
Row% 0.00% 0.00% 50.00% 45.00% 5.00% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 0.00% 35.09% 58.06% 18.18% 36.36%
5 0 0 6 3 5 14
Row% 0.00% 0.00% 42.86% 21.43% 35.71% 100.00%
Col% 0.00% 0.00% 10.53% 9.68% 45.45% 12.73%
TOTAL 3 8 57 31 11 110
Row% 2.73% 7.27% 51.82% 28.18% 10.00% 100.00%
Col% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00% 100.00%
Chi-Squared df Probability
72.2248 16 0

The interaction between the dependent variable I often do various
things in order to distract myself from the thought has been analyzed
with the independent variable Satisfied using the regression model
and the result obtai ned is statistically significant p = 0.007 (p <0.05,
F-test). (Table 8)

Table 8 – Linear regression – Satisfied

The interaction between the dep endent variable Sometimes I try to keep
myself busy just to prevent my thoughts to take over my mind has been
analyzed with the independent variable Glad using the regression model and
the result obtained is statistically significant p = 0.007 (p <0.05, F – test).
(Table 9)

Table 9 – Linear Regression – Glad Variable Coefficient Std
Error F-test P-Value
I often do various things in order to distract
myself from the thought
0.201 0.074 7.4569 0.007 382
CONSTANT 2.538 0.260 95.1320 0.000000
Correlation Coefficient: r^2= 0.06
Source df Sum of Squares Mean Square F-statistic
Regression 1 6.083 6.083 7.457
Residuals 108 88.107 0.816
Total 109 94.191
Variable Coefficient Std
Error F-test P-Value
Sometimes I try to keep myself busy just to
prevent my thoughts to take over my mind
0.189 0.070 7.3395 0.007846
CONSTANT 2.464 0.234 111.3818 0.000000

The interaction between the dependent variable I have thoughts which I am
trying to avoid has been analyzed with the independent variable Destroyed
using the regression model and the obtained result is statistically significant
p = 0.000 (p <0.05, F -test). (Table 10)
Table 10 – Linear Regression – Destroyed

The interaction between the dependent variable I have thoughts which I am
trying to avoid with the independent variable Terrified using the regression
model and the result obtained is statis tically significant p = 0.000 (p <0.05,
F-test). (Table 11)
Table 11 – Linear Regression – Terrified Correlation Coefficient: r^2= 0.06
Source df Sum of Squares Mean Square F-statistic
Regression 1 5.706 5.706 7.339
Residuals 108 83.967 0.777
Total 109 89.673
Variable Coefficient Std Error F-test P-Value
I have thoughts which I am trying to avoid
0.311 0.072 18.7320 0.000034
CONSTANT 0.445 0.260 2.9361 0.089487
Correlation Coefficient: r^2= 0.15
Source df Sum of Squares Mean Square F-statistic
Regression 1 12.337 12.33 7 18.732
Residuals 108 71.127 0.659
Total 109 83.464
Variable Coefficient Std Error F-test P-Value
I have thoughts which I am trying to avoid
0.313 0.090 12.0635 0.000741
CONSTANT 0.886 0.325 7.4259 0.0075 02

Discussion:
In 2020, a study was conducted in China in Wuhan city which measured the
psychological stress among front -line medical assistants (234), non -front –
line medical assistants (292) and individuals who did not belong to the
medical staff (214). The results have shown that the lowest stress was among
the front -line nurses, and the highest stress level was recorded among
individuals who did not belong to the medical staff. These results show that
psychological interventions are utterly necessary for people irrespectiv e of
their professional status, and the intervent ions that are effectively
contributing to the health of the population. [5]
One of the studies has investigated the prevalence and the predictors of post –
traumatic stress disorder (PTSS) in the areas with the strongest impact from
China, during the COVID -19 outbreak, particularly exploring the gender
differences existing in PTSS. One month after the December 2019 COVID –
19 outbreak in Wuhan China, PTSS and sleep quality were analyzed for 285
people in Wuhan and the surrounding cities, using the PTSD criteria from
DSM -5 and four items from the Pittsburgh sleep quality index (PSQI). The
results have shown that the prevalence of PTSS in China's most affected
areas, one month after the outbreak of COVID -19, was of 7%. Women
reported a significantly higher PTSS in the re -experimentation area, negative
changes of cognition or disposition, and hyper excitement. Participants with
a better sleep quality or a lower frequency of early awakenings reported a
lower level of PTSS. Professional and effective mental health ser vices
should be designed to help the psychological well -being of the population
from the affected area s, and primarily those living in the highest impact
areas. [6]
A systematic review has shown that videoconference psychotherapy has
promising results for anxiety and mood disorders (Berryhill et al., 2019), and
the foundation of the proofs for therapist -guided internet interventions is
even stronger (Andersson, 2016). Myths about telehealth, as for example
“therapeutic alliance that can only be established face to face” have, so far,
dominated the area, in spite of the researches which show the opposite
(Berger, 2017). This virus appears to be a greater catalyst for the
implementation of online therapy and of electronic health tools in the routine Correlation Coefficient: r^2= 0.10
Source df Sum of Squares Mean Square F-statistic
Regression 1 12.444 12.444 12.064
Residuals 108 111.410 1.032
Total 109 123.855

practic e rather than the two decades of numerous brilliant trials which
however have failed in this domain (Mohr et al., 2018). [7] Since the
predictions about COVID -19 are still largely unclear right now, it is time to
create a longer term solution to the proble ms of the population and patients,
as for example for those who are still active in the community and the ones
being taken care of at home or isolated in hospitals. Therefore , video
conferencing and internet interventions could be very helpful in terms of
health care as well as in physical care. In the current crisis situation, the e –
mental health applications have a far greater value as co mpared with the
transmission of videoconferences on psychotherapy. Practitioners need to
quickly start adopting the e -mental health care applications, both as methods
by which they can continue to c are for their current patients in need as well
as for the interventions needed in order to be able to face the imminent
increase in mental health symptoms caused by Coronavirus. [8] Fear and
furry are repercussions of COVID19 and they can constitute the growing
key of the increas ing level of an xiety and stress, and the psychological
support is an essential component for the medical and non -medical staff, but
right now, there are no universal protocols or guidelines for the most
efficient psychological assistance practices. [9]
During the pandemic, most educated people and health professionals are
aware of this infection, of the eventual prevention measures, of the
importance of s ocial separation and of the government's initiative s towards
limiting the spread of the infection. However, there are concerns among the
population regarding the infestation with COVID -19. People have higher
perceptual needs in order to face to their menta l health difficulties. It is
necessary to develop a new awareness program and which should address
people’s mental health problems during this COVID -19 pandemic.
Currently, there is no study on the evaluation of the people’s m ental health
perspective probl ems during the COVID -19 pandemic. It is important to
study the impact on m ental health on diverse populations (general
populations, the COVID -19 patients and the health care staff) for the
implementation of efficient intervention strategies. [10]

Conclus ions:
The statistically significant associations resulting from the data analyses
namely of the negative dysfunctional emotions (depressed and anxious,
useless and nervous), negative functional emotions (melancholic and
worried, sad and preoccupied ), and positive emotions (jovial and
enthusiastic), have offered benchmarks for psychologists, and not only for
them, in analyzing the psycho -emotional patients in crisis situations during
the evaluation stage. Also the associations between the emotions terrified
and destroyed and the statement I have thoughts which I am trying to avoid,
between the emotion glad and the statement Sometimes I try to keep myself

busy just to prevent my thoughts to take over my mind, and between the
emotion satisfied and the statemen t I often do various things in order to
distract myself from the thought are offering benchmarks for psychologists
in analyzing the psycho -emotional patients in crisis situations during the
intervention stage. The test of the White Bear suppression invento ry (WBSI)
which was used in this research, p articularly for the experience of intrusive
thoughts of the people participating in the study and less for measuring the
persons’ capacity to use suppression as a mental control strategy because,
according to a s tudy from 2003 this mental control strategy is inadequate for
the most cases [11]
The suppression and the sensitivity of anxiety have been less explored and
according to a study from 2010 they have been positively associated, and
their interaction can pred ict increased panic levels and this way the result
obtained in our research, the statistically significant association between the
emotion terrified and the statement I have thoughts which I am trying to
avoid, can be taken into consideration as a benchmar k in the evaluation and
the intervention stages of the patients’ a nxiety in cr isis situations. [2]
The results of one study from 2003 sup ports the idea that when me ntal
control is being undermined , the suppression effort can fuel the depression
rumination and, this way, the statistical ly significant association between the
emotion destroyed and the statement I have thoughts which I am trying to
avoid can be taken into consider ation as a ben chmark in the evaluation stage
of the patients’ depression in crisis situations. [13]

Life during the COVID19 pandemic – the 2nd study
In April 2020, the studies on life during the COVID19 pandemic continued
on an adult population from Romania using another survey which comprised
symptoms of generalized anxiety and of the depressive episode ICD 10, a
scale of attitudes and beliefs, the short form (ABSs) and a self -efficiency
scale (SES). 45 people out of whom 37 females and 8 males aged 20 to75
years have answered the survey. The distribution of the 45 people according
to their completed studies is the following: 15 with high school studies, 14
with higher education and 16 with master / doctoral studies.
The symptoms of generalized anxiety are: fears about future misfortunes, the
feeling of being on the edge of the abyss, permanent turmoil, inability to
relax, tremors, dizziness, sweating, tachycardia or tachypnea, epigastric
discomfort, dry mouth.
The symptoms of the depressive episode are: decreased ability to concentrate
and pay attention, reduced self -esteem and self -confidence, i deas of
guiltiness and lack of value, a sad and pessimistic vision of the future, ideas
or acts of self -harming, disturbed sleep, diminished appetite.
The distribution of anxiety and depression symptoms before and after the
COVID19 pandemic peri od is the following:

Symptoms Before the pandemic After the pandemic
the diminution of the ability to
concentrate and to pay attention
10 16
reduction of self -esteem and self –
confidence 11 8
ideas of guiltiness and lack of value
14 8
sad and pessim istic vision of the
future
12 19
ideas or acts of self -harming
1 2
disturbed sleep
16 21
reduced appetite
1 6
fears of future misfortunes, feeling
of being on the edge of the abyss
7 12
permanent turmoil, inability to
relax, tremors
3 8
dizzine ss, sweating, tachycardia or
tachypnea, epigastric discomfort,
dry mouth
1 3
None of those 18 12

During the pandemic, the number of persons with sym ptoms of anxiety, and
those evidencing the following depression symptoms has increased: reduced
ability to concentrate and pay attention, a sad and pessimistic vision of the
future, ideas or acts of self -harming, disturbed sleep, diminished appetite .
During the pandemic, the number of persons with the following sym ptoms
of depression has decreased: reduced s elf-esteem and self -confidence, ideas
of guiltiness and lack of value. The scale of attitudes and beliefs, the short
form (ABSs) has 8 items out of which 4 refer to irrational beliefs (absolutist
claims / catastrophes / low tolerance on frustration / negat ive overall
assessment) and the other 4 items refer to rational beliefs (preferences /
nuanced evaluation of the aversive character of an event/ frustration
tolerance / unconditional acceptance of a his/herself and the ev aluation of
the specific behavio urs).

The irrational beliefs are the evaluative cognitions which are inconsistent
with objective reality leading to negative dysfunctional emotions and the
rational believes respect the logic’s princip les and help reaching the goals.
[14]
The results of the s tudy evidence a very high irrationality level (11.91
points) and high irrationality (8.97 points) among the respondents. The
irrational belief with the highest score is “It is unpleasant that things have
happened that way”, and the rational belief with the highest score is “I
would have very much liked that things did not happen that way, but I know
that things should not always be the way I wish them to be .”

Strong beliefs against (%) partially
against (%) Neutral partially
in
agreement
(%) strongly
in
agreement
(%)
It is unpleasant that
things have happened
that way
0 6,7 0 44.4 48,9
I would have very much
liked that things did not
happen that way, but I know
that things should not
always be the way I wish
them to be 2,2 2,2 0 42,2 53,4

The self -efficiency scale (SES) has 10 items and measures one person’s
strong belief that his/her own actions are responsible for the success of a
certain activity.
Self-efficiency includes the persons ‘certitude for their capacity of being
able to face some specific situations in relation with the persons’ decision to
get engaged in diverse behaviours. [15]
The scale of self-efficiency (SES) shows representations of the person’s own
competences in di fferent functional domains, identifies the pe rson’s
dysfunctionality , and has the capacity of completing the person’ s clinical
portrait . [16]
The score obtained in the study of 29.75 points indicates a low level of self –
efficiency (the respondent has a higher self -efficiency level than 6.7 of the
general population). The i tem having the highest score is "Usually, when I
have a problem, I am able to look for a solution."
The distribution of answers from the attitudes and short -term beliefs scale,
the short form (ABSs) for each article is the following:

Items strongly
agains t(%) partially
against (%) neutral (%) partially
agreement
(%) strongly in
agreement
(%)
1 2,2 11,1 33,3 28,9 24,4
2 6,7 6,7 22,2 35,6 28,9
3 2,2 8,9 6,7 31,1 51,1
4 6,7 0 0 44,4 48,9
5 13,3 22,2 37,8 15,6 11,1
6 82,2 8,9 8,9 0 0
7 0 2,2 2,2 42,2 53,3
8 0 0 8,9 46,7 44,4

1-Things should not happen the as the y have happened.
2-It is terrible that things have happ ened that way
3- I would have very much liked that things did not happen that way,
but I consider that it does not reflect on my own value as a person.
4-It is unpleasant that things have happened that way
5-I cannot stand the fact that things happened that way
6-The fact that the things happened that way means that I am a value
less person
7 I would have very much liked that things did not happen that way,
but I know that things should not always be the way I w ant them to
be.
8-Although I do not like what has happened, I can bear with it.

The distributio n of answers from the self -efficiency scale (SES) for
each item is the following:
Items Completely
untrue, in my
opinion (%) Mostly
untrue, in my
opinion (%) Mostly true,
in my
opinion (%) Perfectly
true, in my
opinion (%)
1 4,4 2,2 62,2 31,2
2 0 20 62,2 17,8
3 2,2 28,9 51,1 17,8
4 4,4 13,3 66,7 15,6
5 6,7 8,9 68,9 15,5
6 4,4 8,9 60 26,7
7 4,4 20 55,6 20
8 0 11,1 68,9 20
9 0 0 68,9 31,1
10 0 8,9 71,1 20

1-I manage to always solve difficult problems if I work hard enoug h
2-Even if someone opposes me, I manage to identify the necessary
ways and means to get what I want
3-It is easy for me to be consistent with my objectives and to reach
my goals
4-I am confident that I can successfully deal with the unforeseen
events
5-Due to my resources, I know how to deal with the unexpected
situations
6-I can solve most problems , if I invest the necessary effort
7-I can stay calm when I face difficulties because I can rely on my
adaptive skills
8-When I face a problem I can usually identify several solutions
9-Usually, when I have a problem I can think of a solution
10- Usually, I can handle any situation and any kind of problem I
have to face

The observations on self -efficiency coincide when the beliefs about
efficiency are evaluated globally and/or do not correspond to the critica l
tasks with which they are compared, their predictive value bein g diminished
or even annul led also when efficiency evaluations are adjusted to the critical
task, the prediction being an improved one [17]
The perceived self -efficiency affects the behaviour by influencing the
cognitive process (as for example, the improv ed commitment to the
objectives) and the regulation of the potentially disruptive affective
processes (such as fear to fail). A revision of the literature has found that a
self-efficiency increase can lead to benefic ial changes of the health
behaviour thro ugh cognitive -behavio ural tec hniques, such as setting goals
and self -monitoring [18]
The study shows that the elements of anxiety and depression during the
COVID19 pandemic are more present than before the pandemic, that there is
a low level of self -effici ency, a very high level of irrationality and a high
level of rationality. The association between the items of the self-efficiency
short form scale and the items of the attitudes and belief s, is not statistically
significant, and this fact highlights the n eed to identify and put to action new
individual forms of stress management through new researc hes, eventually
with a higher number of respo ndents.

2.Journal pages about quality of life and stress during the
COVID19 pandemic
Mihaela Șchiopu1, Niță Elisabeta
1 Phd-Ion Mincu University of Arch itecture and Urbanism Shape Study
Department , art-therapist
2.1 Journal pages of people with pre -existing medical diagnosis / vulnerable
mental status

2.1.a – A.D., student, leukaemia
Howdy! My name is A.D. I was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia,
which is why at the time at the time I am writing these lines, unlike most people,
I have a familiar experience of self -isolation, great care for hygiene, and
generally speaking care for my health. First of all, the summary of this
testimonial is that I am fine. Further on, I sho uld go on to describe how well I
feel, and how have I come to feel well when I was sick. Before my illness, I was
a shy teenager. I had been like this since my childhood. It was difficult for me
to relate to strangers, to deal with social situations. It w as easy for me to express
myself solely with close friends and family. Even at school, where teachers
knew it was hard for me to utter my answers my hands and voice were
trembling. Taking into consideration those aspects, the misfortune I had with the
disease made me struggle with other mental constraints, and I managed to avoid
the old ones. During my illness, I was able to mentally face my own mortality. It
was not easy, but even not as hard as you may think. All is to want to and accept
help. In fact, I think this is the foundation for a good relation between the
therapist and the patient. The patient should not be afraid to be confronted with
his/her own flaws and limitations and to accept the hard truth. I have deeply
experienced my own mortality being put to the test by fever which was caused
by pneumonia with complications, based on my drug induced
immunocompromised system. Well, this experience during the feverish episodes
has culminated with an unusual tranquillity and reconciliation with the
uncont rollable aspects of life. I felt, in a way, to be invincible. And what made
me feel invincible was exactly the fact that I had accepted to be put to death, I
had reconciled myself with my fate. I got over this episode and, when returned
to society, I was f aced with problems of which I was somehow helped to get rid
of by my own illness. My social anxieties were now a lot more complicated, I
felt as I did not belong there, even in my high school classroom, and with only
one exception (one true friend), the o ld group of friends had already developed a

chemistry without me. I had a hard time at school, I was still under medication,
and felt physically tired because I was drawing the others’ attention and I did
not know how to “handle it”. I was also upset becau se I was left behind (or
having the impression of being left behind) on school knowledge. Problems like
these have continued even during the first year of college, when I did not get a
high enough score at the entrance examination in order to became a full -time
student, and as an ID student I was attending classes like a normal student, but
this aspect was still giving me the impression of exclusion.
Psychotherapy helped me understand that what I was experiencing was giving
me no reason to succumb to a kind of fatalism, or as I like to say, a kind of
"that's it!" It taught me that it is humanly possible and that overcoming such
inconveniences I would learn abilities which I would be able to use for my
general well -being for the rest of my life. Of course, my lack of discipline,
exercised by me for years, seems to have made the process harder, but I never
wanted to give up. I was enjoying growing up like that, so I continued doing
new things, surpassing myself, and trying to be better. The creative activities
helped me the most during those endeavours. I started writing poems, I started
making jokes, and humour had already been part of my personality. I used to tell
jokes to get rid of the tension I was feeling when I stepped out into the world. I
was helped in these endeavours by the podcasts between the TV Shows with
Teo, Vio and Costel, where the three comedians were chatting during the breaks
of the weekend shows at Club 99. Listening to them, I realized that my style of
humour matches theirs, and seeing tha t they are successful, I realized that, in
fact, there was nothing wrong with me; everything was in my mind, so that I
started using my humour more often and that was how I managed to get
contacts. People started looking for me because I was good company. I have
been recently faced with the challenge of learning how to say NO. On this
occasion, once I have set my goals as a life style, I became aware that one needs
to reduce his/her connections because the most contagious diseases are the bad
habits. As a c ollege student, I managed well, I grew up, I was never the best, but
I managed to step up to a full -time student then to a budgeted student. Then, I
befriended with people who were more passionate of the college than me
because I liked being contaminated w ith their passion and that helped me a lot. I
was always trying to make friends with people who knew more than I did, or
who did better than me at least one subject matter’s chapter. I like to steal skills
as I have done with the podcast humour. Now, I am not so afraid of people, I
even like them. I have learned not to focus on me when I talk to people, but
rather to pay attention to them, to listen to them more than to myself and that is
how I hear interesting stories. I have always something to learn from people,
even from such examples as “not that way”. I like to laugh with people and, in
recent years, I have learned to show them the best part of me so they would be
tempted to show me the best part of them, too, because, as I said, habits are
contagious. Overall, the experiences with this way of conduct were pleasant. I

am still far from being the way I want to be from the point of view of
socialization, but the change is noticeable. I have also managed to build a
healthy relationship. I was privileged t o meet a girl from whom I have
something to learn in terms of expressing and materializing feelings through
actions and words, because, as I use to, I am going to steal my skills in this field,
too.
Currently, I am trying to be more disciplined, I have bee n trying this for a long
time, but, on very many occasions, I came back to my old habits. I was not
feeling well at the moment, but I liked to think that I was learning something
every time. Now, I am slowly, slowly applying what I have learned, and I am
making progress in this respect, but I am not satisfied. The way I want to
achieve it is to eliminate the "free of charge" pleasures. I do not want to offer
myself any rewards without deserving them, I no longer play without studying
first, I do not see a movie without finishing the subject matters for the seminar, I
do not eat anything sweet without having some physical activity first. Do I
always stick to the rules? No, I am a rebel. This is my personality, my tendency
is that when I am told something to take that thing and make it ridicule, but I do
not fall prey to the tendency. Every time I break the rules, I focus on my
sentiment of guiltiness which I undoubtedly feel. So I know that what I have
done is not all right. Other things which have helped me over time and which I
have currently integrated into my day by day life are: breathing exercises,
meditation, and actively listening to music. The last one is the most important.
Music has always been a part of my life, I have spent a great part of my lif e
keeping the headphones on my ears or hearing something on the speakers, but I
have realized that much of that experience is in vain because my attention was
distributed, and so, I discovered that albums which I had been listening dozens
of times may bear hidden meanings, even stronger and more important ones
than I had experienced before. My belief is that by carefully listening to music I
can find the divine connection that I have lacked during my adolescence and
which is now beginning to show up due to my near -death experience and due to
my penchant for creativity. In the end, creativity is the divine side of the human
being and no matter how positivist and unfaithful you may be, simply
recognizing creativity and its results makes you some kind of belie ver. In
conclusion, I want to emphasise an aphorism that goes in line with Corona
virus’ pandemic content and with the disease I had a few years ago. It has
recently come to my mind and I hope that no one else has told that to you
before. And if someone ha s already done it, I would apologise. This is not an
intended plagiarism; it is just caused by its ubiquitousness.
“Most likely things do not happen for a reason, but we have to behave as if they
were happening for a reason”.

2.1.b – R., student, at the end of a long oncological treatment
At first, I thought it would be hard for me to stay home, and then I took this
experience as a break to read my favourite books, paint, and try new recipes.
And, of course, it is an opportunity which allows me to better know myself. It
would be so nice if people would not panic so much about little things. In the
end, the health of our beloved ones is more important than going out to a park or
to the restaurant. I am not the kind of person to brag about my own success. I
prefer to give other examples then giving pieces of advice. And in connection
with isolation, the power of resistance is not offered to everyone, so I cannot
automatically judge those who do not stay indoors, although I would like all of
us to live in sol idarity.
During all my hospitalization period, I have not only begun seeing people in a
different way, but I started to see life differently, too and that made me become
the person I am now. It was neither hard nor easy. I think it all ends well when
you h ave the right people close to you.
Lately, I have started to reconnect with the friends and relatives I have missed. I
also have discovered, inside me, the patience that I did not know it could be
useful for me in the future. I hope that the rest of the wo rld will go through these
difficult times for all of us as easily as I did. And they should keep in mind
memories of themselves together with their beloved ones. I have always
believed that everything in life happens for a certain reason, so even now I am
analyzing this thing and meditating a lot on it.
For me, it was helpful to spend a lot of time with my passions and this is what I
would recommend to everyone. It is amazing how days go on even without
noticing it when you do what you like. With three book s, a set of brushes, a few
colours, and a drawing pad, my time has quickly vanished. I also have time to
play with my pets, whose love is always charging me positively.

2.1.c -I.S., student, elements of mixed anxiety and depressive disorder
During my life, although I am still a teenager, I had to face many emotional
conditions leading to a certain type of stress. As a student, I felt the stress of the
exams and tests most of the time. It was the stress of not disappointing; all those
stress conditions being able to exhaust my entire body. Lately, I had some health
problems, which created the strongest feelings of stress I have ever felt since I
have known myself without being able to control myself and which resulted in a
multitude of other conditions such a s fear. I felt like a stranger in my own body,
I felt like these negative states were leading a battle with me which they could
easily win, and I was letting myself be easily defeated without retaliating. It was
a difficult journey to learn to accept, try to relax, and think positively. Many
times I wanted to renounce, to give up, because whatever I was doing the bad

thoughts came back to me, blurring my mind and my entire body. I must admit
that stress was a challenge for me which I could not face alone. I needed help. I
needed my family to tell me that everything would be fine, everything would go
away, and everything would come back to normal. Naturally, I also needed my
psychologist’ words and actions, whom I wish to thank this way for helping me
to deta ch myself, to understand, and to see only the full side of the glass by
realizing that it is just a stage in my life that is transient and from which I had to
profit, because I have to learn a lot from this experience, an experience that
would make me diff erent from others and a more special person. Fortunately, I
went well through every hard condition and I recovered well both physically
and mentally. The less happy part is that now we are all going through a harder,
weirder period, in which we have to be selfish and think about our health first
by avoiding this virus which is attacking both the fragile organisms of children,
as well as those of people who are "more routed through life". Solely if you do
not pay interest in yourself and in those close to yo u, you will not experience
stress, fear and the desire to get successfully through this difficult period.
Finally, I can boast with the fact that my previous experience has taught me to
see things differently. To treat everything with a sense of responsibi lity, to be
able to control myself and to help my psyche select the good information and
not the one that can badly affect me, and without hiding the truth about the
current situation. I realized that it is not difficult to control yourself if you know
your goals. You should aim at doing something after this isolation period and
make a wish for in order to be able to understand that while doing something
you want to do you should be willing to make certain sacrifices, too. This
exercise is valid for any typ e of problem you are going through. In order to
successfully get through this period and help my psyche stay within a "healthy
environment", I have realized that I could do things that are relaxing and make
me be detached from the ongoing problems. For me, mental relaxation consists
of a lot of reading and time spent with my family watching movies or talking
and debating certain topics, discovering our deep thoughts, creating certain
games meant to make us discover both ourselves and those around us, openin g
topics that can put us both emotionally and the rationally to test. It is important
to have dreams to believe in, and you would eagerly want to fulfil them. It is
important to know how to control your stress by trying to do things that you
enjoy and whic h manage to get you out of those states of anxiety. Everything
has a solution. You just have to believe in yourself and your own strength
because you are the only one who can help you! Do not let stress take over your
mind and body. Let yourself be helped by those around you, your family and
even by a psychologist who will surely make you see things from a different
perspective.

2.1.d – I., nurse, Covid 19 diagnosis
I have got Covid. I had some headaches and twinges, especially on my left side,
I put sani tary alcohol even on my head, and on my chest I put potatoes with
alcohol just to get over the illness. When I blew my noses, I my snot was mixed
with blood, like in a cold and
I was thinking a lot about A. . It was also the Easter period of time. There a re
emotions that sometimes you cannot control, you hard try, but you do not
succeed. I have been missing her very, very much. I thought I could pass away
to be with her, but then I said to myself: wait a minute, but what am going to I
do with this other ch ild (my friend’s child, whom I was taking care of), I am
going to mess up people.
And in the end, that is my mentality, that you do not live a moment longer than
God wants you to. Even though there are some chicken -hearted people who
commit suicide, everyt hing comes from God. We have the impression of doing
certain things. He has granted us the free will and when we think we have done
something great that could flash like a thunderbolt, woe to us. And I really miss
her terribly much.
My friend also says tha t she misses her child, who lives here, far from his
country. She sees him by video camera and I sometimes tell her, “Leave it now,
you can see him on the camera, this will soon go away and we shall see one
another in Romania. But think of me bec ause I can no longer see A. ". I have
been aware since that time that I have to learn to live with her on a spiritual
level not on a physical one. But being a human being, when she was sick, no
matter how bad she felt, she said: “just kiss me and take me in your arms again”.
I was even afraid to touch her, seeing how bad and exhausted the poor girl was.
We were very close. If I did not enjoy having a real mother, I was for A. the
mother I was missing. We were kissing and hugging all day long. I remember
that when she was operated on everything possible at hospital, it was terrible.
The poor thing had come out of the surgery room and I was thinking of not
going over her with my germs. And the nurse said: ma'am, but you can kiss your
daughter! She would have thought that I was a cold mother. But I was afraid to
touch her, for fear of infecting her. For the sake of your children, you tend to
recover. But, when it comes to the elders you know that they are going to pass
away anyway, and at least you wish they do not go in t orment, wanting to do
everything possible to make them comfortable, to make them feel good, to be
able to caress them. An old woman with Parkinson was about to pass away. I
gave her what I knew I should give. I looked at her sleeping; at least I knew she
was fine that way. The woman was not even able to eat anymore, she was being
fed otherwise. But if she wanted at least some water, I was glad I could give it to
her. That glass of water meant something to her.
I feel that others regard it with a heavy heart and are afraid to do it. We had two
cases of old women who were tested positive, but I am not afraid. I have

colleagues who keep on testing themselves continuously and I think: "you have
not got the Covid". The symptoms I had been by the book. I have not had such a
fever for 30 years. Some say I am telling stories. What stories? I have also seen
queries on Facebook asking if someone knows anyone who is ill. I am one of
those ill people, but I would not comment on it. I was just reading it and having
fun. C ourage! That is all I know because I have been a responsible person since
I was a little child. I was also amazed that when I am in crisis situations, I react
in a different way than I would expect me to. I happened to sometime lose my
temper, though, espe cially with A. , when I found out that it has happed for the
second time, I suddenly was not even able to put her any perfusion and it was
she who was encouraging me to do it.
An old man told me he would send me for the “crown” to China. That is how
we use d to joke. But look, I got this virus even without going to China. The old
man was continuously watching the news and wanted to be tested all the time.
He had the same age as my father. He had Parkinson and an amputated leg.
Living with Covid was nasty. I had huge pains, and I could barely turn from one
side to another. And I was thinking about the torments that A. had gone through.
I always think about how that cerebrospinal fluid of hers was flowing. And I
was also thinking of a colleague who had a hip fr acture and underwent surgery.
She said to me: “Well, I spent two months with my eyes on the ceiling and in
that condition I was waiting for someone to change my flask. And people are
now complaining that they have to s tay indoors”. And little A. had pains and
had to stay in indoors for seven months. But to whom could I explain that? That
should not be told. So, many times, I have taken notice of the others’ reaction
and decided to better keep silent.
Let us not play “Stan Patitul” – Stan who has suffered all – Let us also learn
from the others, I sometimes tell myself. But you do not have to go through all
such horrors in order to understand something. That is why we cannot live in
isolation but in a society so we can also see the others. Everyone has his /her
own lessons to learn. Some people feel well while complaining, thinking it helps
unloading their burden while I, consider complaining as bad omen. If I were
complaining, God would have slapped the back of my head.
After what happened to A. , I wanted t o be close to people, to offer affection.
Children need encouragement. Those hospitalised here only need affection and
palliation. Since this isolation period, the daughter of a resident told me: "in the
end, I think my mother does not even know what is go ing on", and I replied: "I
think I rather miss your father who was visiting my mother " (But now, with the
Covid it is no longer possible) and I added that I think the old woman is blessed.
Her daughter replied: ‘in the end she has you and I think that all those
hospitalized here become more familiar with you than with us, the relatives”
And she is right. The elders know us by our word of mouth, by everything we
do. We clean their bottoms, we wash them. And the daughter of old woman
interned here left resig nedly.

Old age also means helplessness. It is hard for them to accept that they are no
longer the way they used to be and you can see them with broken souls after a
lifetime struggle. It affects you; it moves you very hard, particularly, at this
moment. Le t us take, for e xample, Au. . When he realized that he would not be
able to continue living, and would not be able to see his niece, he cried. He was
not even 70 years old. I remember the mom ent when the doctor told A. what he
had to say. She replied: “in c onsequence I am to understand that I am solely in
the hands of God, and that is it”. That's how she found out that she was once
again having cancer and she said, "Mommy, I know it sounds silly, it sounds
really bad, but you should know that I feel I have b een chosen by God." Then,
when she saw that I did not accept it, she started trying to make me drunk with
cold water, giving me another teenager as example, which was also having
metastases and she was alive. And after trying to get me drunk with cold wate r,
she also started hoping, poor girl. But after talking to the doctor once again, she
was very disappointed. It was the time when she understood that it was no
longer possible and that she was going to die.
That is how I felt about Au. , too. I compared h er ve ry much with A. although
she had her own manner of being. When I saw her realizing she had the same
destiny, and I r emembered the phase when A. was also aware that there was
nothing left to do I had the same feeling. And this feeling is going to stay with
me all the time, stickled there in my memory.
I have another Greek girlfriend. She had very vague symptoms and had to stay
isolated as well. While I was sick, she came to me, did some shopping, dropped
them at my door and left. Sometimes, I was able t o get up, make sarmale (meat
balls in cabbage leaves), wrapped them up, and then went back to bed. That was
all I could do for Easter , another Easter without A. .
I have always been close to people. I am always thinking that I am blessed to
have quality peo ple around me. Few are that lucky. I did not have a family, but I
was lucky to have people close to my soul. Everyone thinks: what is my purpose
in this life, apart for my job? We are part of a great puzzle made by God. The
closer you get to God, the less you have to define your role in life, you can feel
it. It is a spiritual experience. Your mind and soul are enlightened. And I say,
“Lord, let your will be done. You love me so much”. I have read this prayer:
“Lord, Jesus Christ, Son of God, return all my enemies to goodness and prayer.”
And I said to myself, Lord, I think my biggest enemy is me.
Basically, it was a raise aloft for A. . Only now I understand that she is more
alive than we are. I have to live with her the way she is now. She is there, I can
feel it, but she is just in another dimension. I have to grow, to develop and to
advance spiritually, in order to be able to have a closer relationship with her. We
were physically very close, but now I realize that this distance and this longing
are becaus e she is still on another level and I have to learn to get closer to her in
a different way, which is very difficult, it is the ideal way. I have read a short
story with a meaning. There was a mother who had lost her son and was angry

with God while she wa s walking on a field. There were also sheep and a
shepherd who had to cross a bridge. The shepherd took a lamb in his arms and
the mother sheep followed him. And so the whole flock crossed the bridge. It is
the same thing. God has taken my child and I must follow Him.
I look at my elders when they are about to go. I stretch out my hand to touch
them. It is more important to me to hold that hand. A glass of water and a caress
seem more important to me than the pills.
Let us be happy that there is no war, a s it is in Syria where people have left in
despair. Or like that man on the internet, Vuck who has no hands and feet. He
cannot hug anyone. He and we, the ones who lose a loved one, feel that we can
never take him/her in our arms again. Let us thank Lord f or both good and bad.
It was dark one evening. I had the car parked outside and the windshield was
steamed. Driving was more difficult. The headlights of the cars looked like long
silhouettes. You could only see two lights. I said to myself, God, what if w e
would only look with the eyes of the mind, not seeing our bodies, and be able to
actually see what we are beyond our bodies? We could only see our spirits and
we would no longer be able to see our forms and if we are blond or brown. We
would not see our carcases, but only the light. In fact, that is what we are.

2.1.e – L., freelancer, bereavement
It is raining now. And the weather is somehow filling me with melancholy. This
period was hard but at the same time I have enjoyed staying in with D. so much .
Both of us did. It is as if we have collected our thoughts together and have
learned to cherish every second we have, to think of our own worries and put
order in our thoughts, life, and in everything else. On one side, it was beautiful,
but it was also very difficult because we had to deal with things that, every time
we were working, we were able to put them aside of our minds. Now, we had to
go through this period with all our thoughts. The most difficult problem for me
was that I was very, very much t hinking of A. lately. Extremely much, and I
believe, that during the last seven years I had never thought so much about him.
It seemed to me that I had to let those thoughts to come out at their chosen time.
I am now realizing that so many years have pass ed and we did not face what we
had to face when it happened. And I have realized that I am still missing him
very, very much. Yet I do not know anymore. I cannot anymore surface what I
should have revealed at that time because I have learned so well to con ceal my
feelings inside and I am still feeling the need to cry but I am not able to. I mean,
I start crying and then I suddenly stop. And I did not carry it to an end the way I
used to do it seven years ago. I was really doing it at that time, but after ha lf a
year everyone was telling me, come on, you will see that it will pass away. And
that is why I started to stifle all my feelings, and that is exactly what I have

done. I have not let anything come out. I used to hide myself in a corner, wiped
my face, and said to myself “come on, people are watching and seeing you with
your swollen eyes and they would ask you why”. And that is how you learn to
hide your tears. It was good that during this tame I had the opportunity to think
of A. more than ever. I am a bstaining myself from saying that it is generally not
very difficult. I cannot avoid thinking about where had we been seven years ago
and what our life could have been like if we still had A.. Probably, we were not
in Bucharest. What would our life have be en with our child? Should we all have
been consigned to stay indoors all this time and do some things such as
watching movies and play? He would have been at school. His kindergarten was
in front of the school. All the time we were leaving with A. from the
kindergarten we sat in front of the school for at least half an hour and A. was
looking and said “A. has little time left before he goes to school, too”. There
was some meaning there: it was the school where D. had studied, school No.7. I
have not thought about this for a long time. I did not remember him like that, the
way he was before getting sick. Many of my memories are from his period of
illness. Now, I have remembered the previous periods of time. He was very
joyful and happy. He would go out in th e yard and run for butterflies, caress
roses when they started to grow, and so on. He would cut flowers and call D. out
of the house because he wanted to gently wake me up. He would put a rose on
my pillow and kiss me. I know that he was fully aware that w e loved him very
much during every moment of his life. I also remember his voice; it sounds very
clear in my mind, when he told me that he loved me. When I came home, he
was on his feet around us and the three of us were kissing.
We must learn to value and enjoy what we have. We say it every time but we
are doing nothing like this. We all run for money. Everyone wants more and
more and we are now realizing that we are wasting a lot of time on things that,
and in the end, we do not know if they can bring us happiness. But look, you
can be happy with as much as you have. We are now realizing that as long as we
are confined indoors, we are missing people, the few ones close to us. If you are
able to go out to a park, smell a flower, and sit on the grass you do not need
money for that. And you can do all these. You do not need any new clothes and
anything else. You just need some people close to you and that is it. You need
nothing more, because you leave from here, from the Earth taking nothing with
you. I say t hat I shall come out of this confinement more serene and I try to be
pleased with and grateful for everything we have. And if, at least ten percent of
all the people would remember what we are going through right now, it must be
meaningful.
We are all scar ed of death. We should not let this fact scare and paralyze us
because then, we would have much bigger problems. Somehow, we ought to be
aware that we can lose the dear ones, but we should go ahead. Let us be good,
truly good. So, if you can at least say a good word to a person during one day it
is a big deal. And you could help the people you see falling to go ahead.

We live a very bad life. Do we live a normal life apart from our jobs? What type
of holidays have we had? I ha d the period of time with A. ’s problem, then we
had 10 days off a year during which we were running most of the time. Did I
say were we visiting? We were rather running to visit more, to see more and
more, to feed us and to have something to remember. And most often we were
going out to gether with our friends. But it also makes people the happiest, when
they are not going anywhere. I was missing people and their hugs very, very
badly indeed. I have a few female clients who have such positive energy. I shall
see one of them on my first wo rking day. There are people you feel the need to
embrace, no matter how frail and good they are. Many times before, I was
embarrassed to do this. There are many dear people with whom you do not have
a very close relationship. And it is holding you back fro m embracing them. And
now, we are to actually realize that there is no way to hold them in our arms
again.
I was missing my mother a lot. Who could be that person who has been taught
to talk about or rather not talk when facing difficulties, except when he /she
cannot bear it anymore? When the pandemic started my mother told me that she
had cried solely because if something would have happened she might not see
any of her children. She said: “I was afraid that I would never see you again”. I
realize I was so rarely going home. And it seems so unfair to me that, during so
many years, I was running for something else and I went to see her only once a
year or perhaps even less. She has come to A.'s alms. From now on, when I feel
I miss her, I want to get on the train and go home, the way I did before. When
we first came to Bucharest, you know, I used to grab a rucksack, got on the last
train to Caracal at 10 o'clock PM, my brother was waiting for me there and I
was staying with them for two days. It was both beau tiful and sad all that time
because I really enjoyed being with D., too. This was for the first time when we
have been together alone, just the two of us. After so many years, it was time to
think.
When we will start working again, let us not forget what w e have missed in
order to avoid stepping into a vicious circle. You see, everyone wants more, and
more, and even more, and unwillingly, you may start wanting it, too. We lack
order in our minds and even now it is not there, because I am think of thousands
of things. I think I will start working but also that I should care of my desires. I
could start doing Pilates, sports, take a tailoring course and do what I would like
to do. I could make some trousers and a blouse but still, I cannot keep order
inside my head.
In fact, that is what I told D., my husband, that I do not want to start working
yet. I would like to linger a little bit longer. I have learned to be happy, have not
done much work and I learned to do things I was not doing before. We started to
read, and simply to relax. Before, every evening we were coming home
exhausted and during the weekends we were looking through the house and saw
it was a total disaster believing that the doomsday was going to come soon if we

did not clean the house on that Sunday and, then, we were just doing it all over
again. I think it all starts from the order inside one’s head. And let us talk about
those fears. People do not talk about what they are really afraid of. We have all
learned to hide the things that are hurt ing and scaring us. Well dear, let us talk to
someone when we are suffering. And let us not use hidden meaning, thinking
that maybe, in the end, somebody may understand we wanted to say. Let us
truly say what we are thinking, and instead of uttering, “oh; yes, things are not
exactly as they should be” let us say: “I cannot bear it anymore”. And then, let
us have the strength to carry on again.
I think of the people who have to stay in hospital, the sick ones, and those with
sick children. Let us not compar e them with us, there is no comparison to be
made here. We are not suffering of anything. We have no problem. When you
are in a hospital with your child, the only feeling you may know is fear. Fear
had already begun being part of me: what if my child is go ing to get fever, to
feel bad, what if anything would happen as a result of this treatment, if
something, I do not know what, would cease to function. And this is a terrible
fear. People should accept the disease and fear as real facts, not as scarecrows. It
depends on how you have been built as a human being in order to be able to
really see reality the way it is. There are much worse things than the ones
happening to us now, namely to stay indoors. I was helped by the fact that we
were all together in thi s situation, the entire family, and it also helped me to see
A. next to me every day. You, yourself, as a human being must be strong and
that is the value you have to further convey.
Now, each is as he/she has been built up. Some have absolutely no one, so me
are weaker, but we have to stay together. There is much suffering around. Far
beyond one can imagine. We turn anything into something worth to dig in and
see who is plotting there.
Let us come to our senses. Let us come together. I shall divide my time. I should
go to the countryside to see my mother and also go to Giurgiu, to D.'s family,
and then I would get together with some of my dear ones, and for a while I
would not move from a little cottage in the Delta. And I would run to the
mountains to camp around a fire in the evening, together with many people.
Everything can be solved.
I am ready to take risks. I am a little scared, but I am actually ready and very
serious about it. If something is going to happen to, it will happen. You cannot
run. If you live in fear all the time, it is not all right. We cannot stay in indoors
for the rest of our lives. When we start going out, it will be a little bit better. I
am somehow scared because I am going to get in touch with so many people. Of
course I am scared . But I want to avoid going too scared to work and stop
thinking all the time about: “what if I get sick, what if someone would cough in
my nose…”
Let us take things the way they are. If I protect myself and do all I can do for it,
it should be okay. You c annot live with this fear day after day. It is very tiring. I

know how it was; I can well remember it since I was with A., that living all day
in fear, fear and more fear would make you feel physically tired. That is it; there
is nothing else you can do. T his virus will not go away within five months. Are
we to live our entire life in fear? Once you enter this circle, you will go round
more and more and it is not all right, no matter how cautious you may be. What
are we going to do? Shall we stay indoors; t rip over a carpet bang our heads on
the cement and die? Let us have fun, shall we not?
I hope we come out of this entire situation as renewed people.

2.1.f-A. A ., musician, she has just concluded a cancer treatment
Quarantine, comes from an Italian word "created" more than 400 years ago
when a small rat from a Chinese ship brought the plague to Venice (ironical, is
it not?). Those who got the plague, were forced to stay on an island near Venice
for 40 days (quaranta = 40 in Italian). As we have noticed, history has a subtle
kind of humour which repeats itself from time to time. So, in 2020, a pandemic
has stopped the world that was in constant motion. We humans had to stay
indoors for an indefinite period of time, until the virus bearing the name of one
kind of beer would leave. So, henceforth, the world became a monotonous,
repetitive and trivial one. We all had to reinvent our activities. Ironically, until
this pandemic, we all wanted more days off to spend with our families and
friends watching TV seria ls or reading a good book. Now, when we have this
possibility, we are suffering because we have been forced to stay indoors.
Human beings can be so irresolute. By the time I am writing this article I have
concluded approximately 36 days of quarantine. I ca nnot lie, I was terribly
bored but, fortunately for me, being an artist I have found a way to escape from
all the madness generated by COVID. I was trying to do something new every
day. It worked out, but then I ran out of ideas. I will probably find somet hing on
the various social networks. I know this quarantine is so nasty, but at least,
during this period, we can think about the things we have long time been eager
to do and try (naturally, living travel aside). And how bad could it be? Here is a
poem wr itten during the quarantine.
The Universe is waiting…..
Not too delighted,
To be decrypted
By a handful of commoners
Who are aspiring to become Gods
But, they are lingering on
Failing to understand
That the entire Universe
Is inside them.

2.2 Journa l pages of people without diagnosis

2.2.a, T.I., retired and volunteer

It is so hard to stay in indoors! How hard is it to stop doing the activities you
used to do, your meetings with friends and the other things that used to fill in
your life? Yet you d id not appreciate that you were healthy, that you had what
you needed, that your family was healthy! It does not seem so hard for me to
stay indoors! Why? Because seven years ago, I saw a child with cancer for the
first time, who was staying in the hospita l for months, maybe years and he did
not know if he could overcome the disease. How can they cope with it? They
are children! Their friends go to kindergarten or play outside the school. They
no longer have hair and some of their friends abandon them exact ly when they
need them most. We are living in our houses. They are living in a hospital. Even
more, they endure dozens of stings and cytostatic treatments with side effects
which are not easy at all! The fact that they no longer have hair and the others
look at them differently affects them a lot. They see the sun from a hospital
ward window. Spring is coming, the trees are in blossom, summer is coming,
and autumn is also coming and they are still looking out of that window. I am
happy. I am healthy. My chi ld is healthy, too. What else could I wish for? A
wonderful thing is happening to you with these children. When you leave the
hospital or when they call and ask you what are you doing, they never forget to
tell you: “Take care of yourself!” And I wonder, a m I allowed to say I am
stressed because I have to stay indoors and I get bored? I immediately put my
thoughts away and said: Thank God we are healthy!”

2.2.b -S.C., retired
Ever since I have known myself, I have not reacted favourably to any imposed
cond itions when have not understood its purpose. But, I am not the type of
person who regards the unknown as a challenge. Besides, any restriction of the
space in which I can move freely has always caused me manifestations of
claustrophobia. During the last we eks, I had to agree with some difficult to obey
rules. In order to accept the imposed conditions, I had to harmonize with myself
first. Inside my mind I was aware that it was the best way, but I started feeling
that as an irreversible loss, moments that we re being stolen from my life, On
March 11, the date when I was last allowed to step on the ground, the trees were
just beginning to bloom. Many times, sitting indoors, I felt I was losing

something essential from the universe by being unable to feel the br eeze of the
wind carrying its unmatched smell any longer. Perhaps this is what the wild
animals feel when they are put in cages. Little by little I began believing that we
are also going to share their fate. I do not know when we could go out safely
again. Then the long -awaited market full of spring goodies has became a dream
for me, like in a documentary; spring’s firstlings: wild garlic, notch (pig weed),
nettles and stevia, were waiting for me in vain. The joy of discovering them and
relishing them had been abolished. During the first two weeks, our bodies went
repeatedly through states of alarm, maintained by the tension created by the bad
news, which were never stopping because the reality of the world were living in
was sneaking into our homes and min ds even during those weeks of physical
"isolation ". The television broadcasts and the internet offers us, first of all, fear,
frustration and pathos. "Social reality" is most often presented as a toxic factor.
It should be discredited and not regarded as a fundamental aspect of our lives
while we are eagerly seeking for "information" and "news". This is NOT the
way. And, this is why I felt that I needed to limit my contact with this "reality"
in order to be able to keep what was left of my mental health. A fter the first
days of harsh reality, without making a list, I gradually and naturally moved on
to the activities which had always been dear to me. Why could I not do the same
now instead of being overwhelmed by the unknown? I made an inventory of my
food and water supplies and became more careful of using them. I have baked
bread, pita, pies stuffed with vegetables during the Easter fasting period of time.
Then, because in the proximity of my house there was a space where many trees
were growing I caught t he opportunity of watching how spring was settling
around seeing from my window how the trees’ foliage was growing day by day.
It is a wonderful oasis of nature, in the middle of a suffocating city. Here, many
species of birds are giving real concerts (not like the ones with many decibels
and an avalanche of spectators!). They are singing, just for me, complying with
the "isolation" rules. With a desire to prolong those beautiful moments, I also
made short recordings by phone, in order to be able to also en joy them later by
reviving those moments full of charm. I also resumed my occupation related to
the creation of beautiful objects for Easter or spring. The hours spent this way
were a real escape from a world full of difficult situations and it has always
helped me to move ahead with much joy. Then, I arranged my balcony using the
plants I had and making one decoration for the Palm Sunday and the Easter
celebrations. Because there was no way for new shopping, I planted the seeds I
had before Easter. What a great joy! My beloved daughter, who is always trying
to respect my wishes, brought me wonderful flowers for my balcony, helping
me enrich my little universe. I have planted them and now I am watering them
and continue to take care of them while getting muc h joy from them! During
this period, music was an essential part of my rescue. I felt it even stronger than
in other circumstances; it takes me into worlds one cannot otherwise imagine. It
has always been an elixir for my soul. Reading, during this period, has proved to

be a very important activity because it can interrupt the connexion to "reality"
and it can help you get out of the daily moods which are generally dominated by
fear. Pretty enough people show evidence of being aware of the fact that they
have to be in touch with this "reality" all the time but they should also beware of
becoming vulnerable to all kinds of manipulations and fake news. All this time,
my greatest fear has been and it continues to be not that I may suffer any
misfortune that I c annot take care of but that I may be forced to contact the
outside world. Such imaginary scenarios were often haunting me during my
sleepless nights and sometimes during the day, too. During the many years of
my life, my hard tried heart has shown me signs of helplessness several times.
And, I feel very grateful when I am able to overcome that condition. Maybe the
ones who can always be guided by the mind, not by the soul are safer (or,
perhaps not!). I was never able to be like that. I would not like to c reate the
image of a successful human being in the fight against the current stress,
because I am not! I still feel overwhelmed by worries, by the fear of the
unknown (everybody does), of what is going to happen. And then, during this
confinement, being un able to feel the scent and the cool breeze of the lilac
bunches, even if it happens during one single spring season in life, is
unimaginable to me. In conclusion, for all the ones who are going to read these
lines, the “game off” solution is the guaranteed one during the many moments
that seem difficult to go through, yet you must treat it with total sincerity and
dedication and with the involvement of your body and soul. It may look like I
am jumping from one thing to another, but, lately, that is how ever ything has
come out.

2.2.c – G., student
I consider myself one of the few lucky persons during the pandemic. I have the
opportunity to stay together with my close family members in a house in the
mountain, isolated from all problems and the hustle and bus tle beyond our gate.
And, if I think better about it, all the fuss is happening much further away from
our gate, at least that is what I have felt when I was with some business in
Bucharest for two days.
As the time for my departure time was coming, I beca me more and more
anxious. Why? I don't know. It was like I was going on a mission, not on a two –
hour trip by car. I had my self -statement with me, and I knew I should not
deviate from the route, or exceed the time interval written on that paper. A
possible meeting with the police (which had actually happened) was what was
agitating me the most. How should I behave? What should I tell them?! I was
worrying too much, and I was aware of it, but I was unable to control myself.
The two days in Bucharest brought me an amalgam of feelings, emotions and
experiences. Although I was at home, within my comfort zone, I was always

felling a pressure, a tension, as if I were sitting on thorns. And I was always
thinking of how well was it in the mountain yard, where I did not have to wear a
mask, be attentive to what I touch, and how often I wash my hands. I am not, by
any means, a hypochondriac, but the two days had activated inside my mind a
constant fear of getting sick, just because all of a sudden, I found myself in a
city where the virus seemed to act at its own whim. I do not know any sick
person, nor do my close friends, and all the information I usually get is from
mass -media. It was the first time that a “world” was created for me without
having a direct perception of it, a “world” that I simply comprehended, from
what I had heard. It is surprising how our instinct of conservation is being
activated and what actions do we take under the impulse of fear. The strong
anxiety that took hold of me while I was in Buchares t I can blame, on one side,
on the enormous differences between the city where I usually live and the
village where I am now living in isolation, and on the other side, on my lack of
“training” for an environment which is being vitiated by illness, stress and fear.
I have not even tried to imagine what could have been like to spend all this time
in my apartment in Bucharest, but the fact that so many people manage to live
between four walls makes me think that I could have succeeded too. Fortunately
for me, the fact that I have spent this period of time in isolation together with
my family has helped me live it as an absolutely normal period, maybe even a
more relaxing one than the usual ones. Suddenly, we have better organized our
departures, shopping, and what I used to call as pampering in the city I has
proved to be our "super" pampering at home. We somehow felt that time has
expanded, and by limiting our movements outside, we have limited activities
which may have not always been necessary gaining this w ay more time for
ourselves. This gained time helped me get carried away by the wind and do
activities that, perhaps, I might not have done or pay attention to. These
activities, be they with my family or not, have brought me joy, relaxation and
have "recha rged my batteries".
Ironically, the fact that we had to stay indoors helped me to better focus on my
diploma project, so I got rid of the "worry" of going out in the city. 
For me, isolation was not a bad thing as it allowed me to reserve a time for
relax ation that I would have certainly used in a another way.

2.2.d -I.P., manager
I wonder what does stress mean and why do I not think of it as its name is
suggesting. On the one side, I think we are more productive under stress. This
obviously happens when w e have something to create and our innovation solves
some other people’s problem. The majority of impressive works were created by
drunkards, depressed people, and the thought of suicide has saved the world
many times. So even theoretically, stress is not a bad thing. The bad thing is to

have nothing to do, to get bored and look in vain for your meaning in life,
because that search makes you feel somehow useful to yourself, while you are
not useful for the society. But let us analyze a little bit the daily stress during the
health crisis. First of all, you wonder how long the isolation from the rest of the
world could last. If the inside answer is "little" then the stress is relatively low,
but it can become huge if the duration is very different from what y ou have
thought of. If the answer is "a lot" then you have to "deal with" it for a longer
period of time which could load you with even more stress during a short period
of time. There is also another variant if we take into consideration that the
duration can be "forever", and then, we are faced with an exercise that is telling
us what we are really made off. My answer is “little”. And this is because, from
one point of view, I am not afraid of the virus, and from the other one, I do not
think the society can resist behind closed indoors for a long time. I think we can
isolate the old people who would want to be isolated until a vaccine or an
effective treatment is discovered, but we have to get out of isolation pretty soon
in order to preserve what has bee n left of the balance between social welfare and
health safety. I divide stress in at least two categories: conjugal stress, the one
we are measuring according to family well -being and professional stress, the
one referring to one’s job, and to the way eac h of us makes him/herself useful to
the society. All those put together are setting up the general stress, which we are
feeling while we do not care where does it come from and where does it go. I
think that conjugal stress depends on the way we have built up our relationship,
and on the amount of truth or lies laid at its foundation. So, the crisis is the
catalyst that makes things face us and makes us, willingly or unwillingly, accept
the kind of foundation we had built up right from the beginning. Being at my
third marriage, and learning important lessons from my first two ones, I am
treating the current one quite simply, even if, sometimes, the reactions that have
deceived my expectations are terribly annoying. But I quickly calm down. I
consider that st aying indoors 24 out of 24 hours is a test that everyone should go
through at some point. One of my friends told me that every young people
should stay together non -stop for a month before getting married. But then, I am
afraid no one would marry anymore. Professional stress depends very much on
the stage in which the crisis has caught you and on the way in which your job
suits or does not suit isolation. Fortunately, what I use to do is perfectly suitable
for teleworking and the crisis has helped us transf orm the physical process into a
digital one.
Video calling helps us see each other and notice some of the emotional
problems of our partners. Otherwise, profession, apart from its aim of doing
good things for society, is also meant to wheel ahead your soci al position in
order to create a work -life balance, at least on the idealistic level. I can say that
any kind of calls coming from the ones I am dealing with keep me on a
satisfactory level in terms of stress. I do not want to think about what could have
happened if the crisis got me three or four years ago, when I did not have much

work to do. So I am trying to replace stress with a creative effort and I try to be
happy whenever those around me are happy. It seems that my personal
experience makes me live by the instrumentality of those whom I appreciate.
Likewise, I always try to evaluate the way life goes on for those around me, I
mean my family. Here is another important matter, my grandparents, whom I
am missing and I care for, even if they can take car e of themselves.

2.2.e -N.H., entrepreneur
I am convinced that during this period of isolation, each of us is facing a variety
of moods and feelings, and this seems wonderful to me. Because now, more
than ever, we can resort to introspection, looking deep inside for resources and
we discover ourselves in another way. At the beginning of the isolation period,
it was harder for me; I went through conditions of restlessness, agitation,
anxiety, sadness, sometimes even anger. I perceived everything very sharpl y.
On a beautiful day in March, I had to close my coffee shop, the place where I
loved to be, to make coffee, share smiles and be around people. I had to contain
everything that was happening. After about one week of turmoil, frustration and
worries, I ha ve chosen to relate to this experience in a constructive way and, if I
still have to live it let me make it an authentic experience and take the best of it.
It is a great joy to spend all my time together with my family and my little boy.
We are having cal m dialogues, without haste, without watching the clock,
without thinking about what to wear, what event to attend, and what else should
we to do tomorrow. Now we are reading and drawing as much as we want, we
play, we invent things, we do theatrical plays, we cook together, and we talk
about the universe, about life, about what we can do for our planet, and about
anything else. We are together, day by day. Although time passes, I have the
feeling that it has stopped. And, if the daily fuss has anyhow stoppe d a little, I
have the opportunity to look deeper, to think more profoundly, to see what I
could change in me, to realize what exactly do I miss from what used to be a
"normal life", and how would the world look after it. I have time to think about
how fra gile we really are and how much is a little. How valuable is our health,
which we sometimes take for granted, how important is freedom, and how much
it means to have a place of your own named home. But, I think, the most
important thing is to bear freedom in your mind. No matter how isolated you
are, if your mind is free, then I think you can feel joy, you can feel as being
present and creative, you can rejoice with every moment of your life and find
solutions. And this mental freedom has to be built up, it only depends on you.
However, I am human and moods come along and this is normal. There are also
moments of worry, anxiety, and sadness. I do some physical exercises such as
stretching or yoga for an hour or just listen to music or read something I like a nd
that helps me feel better. Almost every day, I choose an interval of 15 to 20

minutes during which I listen to music, close my eyes and imagine myself
hugging my friends, making coffee for my dear customers and exchanging
smiles and energy. I really fee l them and I connect with all those people in my
thoughts and that gives me a very good feeling of being close to them. I think
that any change means evolution. But it hurts me thinking that this change
comes at a high price. So many people are losing thei r lives, others would
probably lose their jobs, and each of us will also feel pain during all this
experience. I accept all my moods and yes, I want to have this feeling of pain,
too.

2.2.f-G.L., architect

I was never afraid of death. But, the true fact i s that, even now, I am still afraid
of pain, but not of death. I am not sure that I am not afraid of death because on
the other side, there are people whom I am missing with every cell of my body
or because, ever since I have known myself, I had a curiosit y for mystical
phenomena and unseen things which has been brought to paroxysm. Or perhaps,
it is so because of my certain belief that God is love and that after you die you
will meet Him. He is the supreme Love and I don't know why this is like that,
but a nyway, I do not want to talk about the things I am not afraid of. I want to
talk about the things that sometimes are putting such hard pressure on me that I
hardly breathe, or about the ones that keep me awake long after 3 o'clock in the
night as that is h ow I try to tame them. Putting them under the magnifying glass,
I conclude a much desired peace with them and find my courage to fall asleep
late at night.
I am afraid of the moments preceding death. I have read somewhere that, before
dying, you review, a s in a dream, everything you have done on Earth. You see
friends from late childhoods, lost loves and hot summer days. In two minutes
you review and feel everything. Although it is not clear enough to me how brave
could I be when it comes to my transition to the absolute, I know for sure where
the fear that is haunting me while I am thinking about those two minutes comes
from and what does it want from me.
When I was younger, someone, I do not know who told me this: live with your
eyes wide open, because al l you need is a blink of an eye and your years will go
away. At the time, I did not really understand what did it really mean, but
twenty years and two blinks of an eye later; I was awoken, like from a dream, in
the middle of the pandemic. I am sitting on the bed in the house where I grew up
and look around at the objects in the little bedroom; there are objects that once,
not too long ago, were the guardians of my ludic universe. Silent, expressive,
and warm, they are looking back in wonder, as if they are begging me not to
study them anymore. They have not changed at all. Perhaps, I may have grown
up a little bit too fast. I wanted to make sure that, by the end of my life, I shall

look back with satisfaction like an infatuated stage director at the summar y of
my life. And this is why I have been tirelessly running during the last years. I
wanted so ferociously not to miss anything, to taste everything, and to feel and
see everything with my too thirsty soul and with my eyes wide open. Now I am
sitting on a rather shabby bed and see some dumb objects looking at me with
sarcasm. Basically, I am an architect and every day, I am designing interiors in
which people live during various moments of their lives. I play with light and
shadows and create space with th e help of those objects. I am always thinking of
them. Full, fragile, subtle or intrusive, the objects are in their essence part of my
daily study. I hope you do not think I am crazy and please do not laugh when I
say that those objects are, in their essen tial structure, part of my daily study. I
think I have, next to me, some objects, which are so expressive that I sometimes
wonder if they have not eventually watched the Beauty and the Beast during my
absence. From there, they must have learned something a bout mimicry and
gestures – poor them, they might be tired of listening to me for hours and hours a
day without being able to give me even a wry glance from time to time and
there is nothing I can do for them; we are going through a pandemic here and
someb ody has to listen to me.
But let us leave them aside. It is the 4th of May, and two months ago, when all
had started I was extremely tired. As I said, I was running a lot lately. I wanted
to do everything as fast and as well as possible, ready to sleep onl y for two
hours during three nights and those at my office, if that meant finishing the
current project faster and being able to move on to the next challenge. And it
was not just the work that was filling my days. For example, if after three
sleepless nig hts I received an invitation to a bar in the heart of the city, I would
have no intention to decline it. How could I go to sleep? Years are running away
and, a long time ago, somebody had told me that if I did not pay attention, if I
closed my eyes just fo r one single moment, I would lose everything together
with the most beautiful moments in life. I knew that it would be better for me to
slow down a little bit, breathe more deeply, sleep more, and think more calmly.
So many piles of thoughts and great plan s were little by little, but surely and
precisely, chopping off my rest and the serenity of my mind.
When the pandemic came, I grabbed a few things and went to the place where I
grew up, to my mother and father. I relaxed like after a great marathon. The
earth has stopped and I stopped along with it. I also allowed myself, like
everyone else in the world, to take a break from the words you “must, must,
must…”. It seemed like a moment that had jumped off the timeline, a moment
that no one was counting. I fel t like the clock had stopped, that I was not losing
anything, anymore, because time was not running with me any longer bringing
me, inside its carrier bag, closer and closer to the end. After about two days,
when my crib seemed like a warm and protective m arsupial pouch for me, I
have slowly resumed my rhythm. A slower, simpler rhythm, with some more
afternoons during which I was breathing the blossom of the apple trees and

watching the ants hurrying up on their way to the anthill. In the morning, I was
working on my laptop, and in the evening I was digging in the little backyard
garden playing with my hands in the dirt, and smashing lumps of earth with
which I was covering the golden baby onions for seedlings. When my mind
rested and my soul calmed down, I once again started hearing the deafening fear
which had been kept silent inside my chest, and I was frightened. I was scared
of my fear, but this time I did not run away. Honestly, I may have wished to run
away, but how could I have fled, and where to go w hen everything around me
was telling me to stay home? This fear is familiar to me. I have been holding it
in my chest all along and it is hard for me to believe that I was the only chosen
one. I am going to tell you. It is the fear that I am not doing eno ugh, that I am
not enough, and that if I do not always run like a tireless little ant, it is almost
sure that I will fail. It is the old voice that had once told me that life is short and
that I risk regretting it, asking me to do everything to make sure I am living it
all. It is the voice I hoped to keep hushed as I did as much as ten others during
one day, fear of which I thought I should flee away like hell. But I never ran
away. I was grateful for getting a kick forward when perhaps I needed a spur
and I promised not to disappoint that fear. I took it by the hand and turned it into
a friend. It is certain that I want to do great things, that I want to fully live my
life, and that I am dreaming at living a special kind of life, but I want to do it
joyfull y, not with fear of failure. I want to love every leaf and every breeze I
feel on my face and eyelashes, to listen to frogs and crickets and wash my hair
with the light of the milky moon. I want to live now, because no one is counting
each and every moment . Now, I am able to have a break without feeling I am
doing something wrong and watch as much as I want to all those clouds as they
are dissipating and to all the fog slipping in streams from my eyes and my brain.
Now, I have understood that both the time and its flow are relative and that I
lose too much if I run too fast. The present is all I have, but it is not entirely
mine, the way I am now. And in case I am unable to wash the dirty lenses
through which I perceive the present which never stops changing second by
second. I felt like having some jar bottoms pulled over my face that had been
smeared during every single year of my life with even more words, estranged
ideals, and fears, which, had on the way become my own managing to often
keep me away from genuinely living the moment.
Epilogue
Today has become tomorrow. I hear on the news that we will soon be able to
come back to what was before. I switch off the TV and wonder if I want to be
again as I was before and if I could be what I used to be. I do no t know. So
many things can change in two weeks that I can not foresee how it will be by
that time. I just know how it is now. My cat with its huge yellow eyes is
prowling around me under the table. The room has suddenly lit up, the sun had
probably been hi dden behind a playful cloud and I hear my sister Lavi, who is
already making coffee in the kitchen. It is a new day and that is enough for me.

2.2.g -B., psychologist

There are five of us in the house, two adults, two children and a puppy. Five
entities set to discover life together, only together, within the house.
This is how our first week of the pandemic has started when all kinds of
agitation were still on the rise, and the thought that we should be in social
withdrawal for a month or two seemed feas ible, without too many side effects.
Then, slowly, slowly, the reality has shown up for all the five of us and the
biggest challenge has summed up to understanding what do we have to do.
During the first weeks, the main concern for my husband was the suppl ies.
Otherwise, the care for us and for our parents was being measured by the
number of supplies. And it also meant something else; namely, I think, a kind of
security. For me, safety, during the first weeks of isolation, has translated into
obsessive -comp ulsive actions to disinfect and clean, and protect myself and us
against any contact, no matter how small, with the outside. Every trip made by
my husband in order to hunt (meaning to "buy") food and other necessary stuff,
has implied a huge stomach ache f or me, and many prayers in my mind. I felt
like he was going to fight. A fight with an invisible enemy.
My fear was directly proportional to my need to control the others and to control
myself. Apart from my daily cleaning and disinfecting tasks, I got the good
habit of calling my dear ones whom I knew were in emotionally vulnerable
conditions. I had no idea, that, in fact, it was all about my need to control. To
my surprise, after the first days without kindergarten and school, the children
wanted to resum e their activities. Xenia was asking me why there were no
people in the street, especially in the evening, and why everything was looking
so deserted. Then they had shivers of fear for various reasons, even as we went
to bed, in spite of the fact that they were sleeping in the same bed with me. In
fact, the thrill belonged to Luke and it sometimes was spreading to Xenia, too.
I kept thinking about where and how this baby fear had grown up inside their
souls, particularly because I had eliminated any externa l source capable of
spreading panic (TV, radio). Instead, inside myself (mostly) and my husband’s
(less), anxiety was present and we were trying, more or less consciously, to see
what the hell was all about. Anyway it was, I was returning to the global
perspective of the situation. Namely, how almost everybody is forcefully
undergoing an exercise of inner growth, a very hard one and of an increased
intensity. I felt that one world was dying, so that we can detach ourselves of it,
using the exercise of soci al separation and confrontation with all sorts of
loneliness, like strings coming out of our inner and out world. I felt like I was
somehow stripped of everything that had masked, covered, and had created
some kind of space between what was strongly authe ntic in my life and what
used to act as a mechanism of protection before, diluting my approach to whom

was I and what was really important in my life. In other words, I started to stop
running away from myself because almost any external shelter seemed
irrelevant to me. A world was dying, and along with it, something inside me was
dying, too. I, as well as anyone else in my life, felt as nothing and nobody could
bethe same again.
Insecurity, diseases, death, loss, suffering, all those swampy realms that we
were hiding inside us and which we were striving hard not to face, pretending
we did not know what was all about, had become a very stressful part of our
daily life.
Starting with this perspective, I could call the coming weeks "Either to the ball,
or to t he hospital."
Then, by the end of the second week of isolation, or maybe even the third, I had
a dream which was driving me into hard thinking. It was as if I were getting on
a RATB (Bucharest Transport Corporation) bus and we were about five or six
passen gers inside. Spirits were highly relaxed and, as a result, we were
chattering to one other, and we were even laughing. All was good and beautiful
until I got off the bus, the doors closed, and, being alone on the sidewalk I stated
panicking because I reali zed I was not wearing a mask while staying in a closed
area, together with other people who were not wearing masks, too. It was a real
panic attack while I was dreaming which had been caused by the perspective of
contamination. I realized that my psyche wa s trying to tell me something.
Probably, my anxiety was on a much higher level than I had consciously
perceived it. Then I had the light -up flash that it was high time for me to start
"befriending" with the outside world namely, to learn to risk in a contr olled
manner.
I forced myself to go out for a while, during the hours when the chance of
meeting other people was very small. And here, I must admit that I was very
much inspired by the fact that Teo, my husband, had managed to overcome the
mental barrier of going out, being forced to take care of our parents' shopping.
The second step was to take the children out for five to ten minutes. We were at
the beginning of the fourth week of isolation. To my surprise, the children did
not want to leave the house a t all. They were explaining me how many things
they had to do, and how much fun they were having inside. Something was not
adding up. And naturally, it was all about the fear, and not the fun inside the
house.
So, my husband and me pledged to persuade the children to go out little by little
and make them regain their confidence that they could also be safe outside. It
seemed to me like a vital lesson for them. A barrier that could be crossed by
them and to which they would return over the years remembering that they
could overcome obstacles, as they had done before.
The outside world was not looking the same for them either. The park was
closed; meetings with friends were taking place online, and they had just me,
my husband, and the puppy as play partners. And naturally, it was happening as

much as we could let us be caught by the idea of playing. Then, any meeting
with any other person required distance and caution, just as much as any
stepping out required a ritual upon departure, and especially a very rig orous one
upon entering the house. Going out on the street, even for the shortest periods of
time, meant, an obligation of wearing a mask and it is still
required.Additionally, my mother and father were not supposed to forget to take
their self -statements and identity cards.
But, nevertheless, going out, even within those totally different circumstances,
meant a glimpse of freedom and joy for them. And slowly, slowly, they began
rediscovering that it was even possible that way. And not only that it was
possible, but it was also fun.
Then, an unexpected thing happened. Xenia took the decision that she wanted to
start sleeping alone in their room. Obviously, Luke realized that he wanted the
same, too. And so, they started becoming strong and confident in thei r ability to
overcome other fears, too.
Currently, going out is no longer a fear, and the decontamination ritual has
become one of their natural habits.
Even more, they were asking us to let them ride their bikes alone round the
block of flats. And that is how they managed to gain another piece of
confidence. Naturally, I agreed because, at the time, there were not many cars
driving on the little street where we live. And going outside was happening
within a very small perimeter. But, it was happening.
What are they were enormously missing though and for which we have no
solution is to give great hugs to their grandmother or to hold her hand. They saw
their grandparents only once and all the dialogue happened from a great
distance.
They understood that you c ould still have the joy of having the person you love
in front of you, even if the interaction happens from a distance, but that is no
little thing. Maybe "they have understood" it was not the most correct attitude,
but they were beginning to appreciate th e face -to-face presence of those they
loved and the joy of seeing their grandparents, even if from some physical
distance, as a compensation for their longing for a beloved one, or as an attempt
of making more bearable the concrete, palpable impossibility of tenderness and
caressing.
After all, joy comes from little things, even very little but authentic ones. You
need to know how to catch the joy, as we used to do during our childhood, when
we were catching a fluff, put it on our chests, and made a wish. W hen we were
ready, we could catch it. And that meant a possible fulfilled wish. The same
happens now. It is just that the desire is being translated in the beginning of a
new world.

2.2.h – C.V., teacher
Stress and the pandemic

"By letting your reflexes doze, you awaken your reflections. You just think
when life stops" (Emil Cioran). When I got this challenge, the challenge of
writing, my first thought was to ask for more clarifications: linguistic
explanations and more precisely clarifications on the pe rspective of this "stress
". What is it more precisely? Is it a kind of pandemic virus, too? How to define
it?, Should we perhaps see it like a simple state of discomfort or great
uneasiness? Does it imply anxiety, suffering, disorientation and fear? Does it
confine the self, provoke revolt and end in capitulation and resignation?
Probably, a little bit or even more of each. I have associated this period of time
and the implicit feelings generated by it with that fear of unknown which can be
felt by those i n a close – death experience, the incapacity of fully comprehending
it and, implicitly, the acceptance of "cohabitating" with it. How did I manage
this reorganization of the world? More precisely, I let myself be carried away by
the instinct because I do no t think there is a successful formula. I went on an
intense path, not a long one, but a hard one and I experienced all its three zones.
And they have all elevated me, educated me, taught me and guided me. The first
was the fear zone – fortunately it was th e shortest stage: fear of the unknown and
fear of the uncontrollable reactions of the terrified mobs which could create real
chaos. When people act uncontrollably, driven not by reason, because it is being
darkened by terror, then tragedies follow. For "I am more terrified by the fall
than by the blow." (Montaigne). I was released when I regained my lucidity,
surprised that I have quickly came back to my senses and got rid of the burden
of pressure, And here I am now, released from the burden of media pres suring
and manipulation. I realized that my soul was poisoned, sick, and darkened with
each new statistics. The census is now being written in terms of infected people,
while the shrill sound of the ambulances shown on the background scenery and
the media images mounted with rescuers carrying the “izoleta” – those safety
isolation stretchers – are not paradoxically make you think of being rescued,
although the ones carrying them are the rescuers, but you would rather associate
them with some sinister mess engers of death. Because in order to “dominate
someone, you should make that one be afraid." (P. Coelho). And after three or
four days, while putting the mask over my mouth, I took the veil covering my
eyes off and I freed myself. "It is not true that the contemporary man is being
driven by interests. He is driven by fear and internal hallucinations. Fear is a
primordial condition and I could say it is the engine driving 999 people out of a
thousand." (P. Pandrea). Only then I began looking inside me and a sked myself
"why are you afraid? Is it because you may get sick?" Well, no, I was not afraid
of the virus, I was not afraid of my eventual contamination, but I was worried
about the possibility of infecting someone else. What troubled me the most were
the traces of the baddie’s footsteps, and the reorganization of the world that it

would certainly provoke. Was I ready for what was going to follows? How was
my world going to look like? Will I accept it? Am I ready for isolation and for
loneliness? Certainly not! Will I accept all these? I do not think so. And if my
spirit was shaken, if my feelings were weakened, to which doctor should I go?
Only to the doctor of our souls, only to God. "Faith gives us joy because it
suddenly makes us be in agreement with wha t is real." (Steinhardt). And so I
was healed of despair. Because I within my first zone, I was suffering of
despair. And for a moment I forgot that I was not in control, I was not giving up
my ego and I was suffering from falling from Paradise. And implic itly, I was
suffering of despair. Now, we have come to the second zone, the learning area. I
have learned to think about everyone and everything. For "man learns to write,
sing, speak nicely, gets emotional, but he never learns to think." (A. of S-
Exupery) . I have learned to cleanse: my thoughts, my feelings, my food, and my
house and I am still trying to do the same with my life, my restlessness, worries,
and my unreality. For "woe to him who let himself be carried by the whim of
the thoughts. His spirit b ecomes a wasps’ nest in which the most diverse and
absurd ideas hum." (G. Dauli). And now I I know it because I have just learned
it.
The news have resumed to their natural function that of simply informing me. I
am regularly accessing it – once or twice a day – just to be informed trying
somehow to be the one who takes control. Otherwise, I have chosen to learn to
relax by doing something I like, but for which I could also have patience. And I
started doing sports inside my home. And it was very good for me. Then I
looked for movies – and relaxed. And, I was dancing like that through the day
cleaning, getting tired from sports or travelling with movies but also getting
worried by the news. What have I done? I have stopped, I have chosen serenity
and I have given up anxiety. I turned off the TV and opened up my heart, my
soul and my spirit. I have just learned to clean up – I was analyzing, noticing and
decided to forget the bad and manipulative news. What was their purpose? Was
it to keep me informed? Did they inform me? Not really. They were disturbing
me – numbers, gloomy faces, shrill sounds always repetitive and ultimately
boring. And I stopped them altogether after a few days, or maybe for almost one
week. Then I was able to breath, because I have alre ady became a more
educated human being! And now, here I am in the development zone. Now here,
everything is all right. I have even learned some new cake recipes. And I have
practiced them every two or three days. And I was very much delighted. I have
regai ned my composure and relaxation. I have moved my spirit online and
started participating in the Holy Mass just like that and I enjoyed it. I felt that,
once again, I was getting strength, patience, hope and humbleness from there.
Then “deniile” – the Vigi l services came. And what a miracle they are. The
messages from my spiritual parents of soul, their attitude of total abandonment
in the hands of the Lord and of exhortation for humbleness and not for revolt
brought me complete serenity and confidence that it will all be right in the end. I

enjoy the serenity of the nights and the leisure of the mornings during which I,
am looking out through the window to nature together with my cat, while am
savouring my coffee and taking a deeeeeeeep breath of air into m y lungs. I am
breathing, rejoicing it and I am living. I enjoy the magnolia in front of the
window and watch its evolution. I often watch how it is opening its petals, I
admire and relish it, I enjoy the happy songs or quarrels of the birds that have
found shelter among its branches, I watch how the lilac in the garden is bursting
in blossom, I count the chestnut leaves and the candle flowers it supports (this is
how its inflorescence looks like, like candles), I greet the flowers on the balcony
and the ki ttens in the garden, and I take part in all the miracles of life. I am
grateful that I exist and am healthy, that my family is well, that I have a good
shelter, a comfortable one and that I do not lack love, and I feel so well. I am
now enjoying this holi day, I pamper myself, I eat, play, sing, laugh, dance, talk,
watch Asia Express, and take it all over again. "The roots of learning are bitter"
(the zone of fear), "but its fruits are sweet" (the zone of development) said
Aristotle. And this is how it is!

2.2.i-M., student
Life during the 2020 pandemic

The first day of January 2020 brought me a feeling of confidence for the year I
was just stepping into, namely, I felt that 2020 will be a different year, a year
with a lot of good opportunities for me. I had no idea on how could this be
materialized because I hardly dared dream of. To succeed, I have to adjust
myself to the society in which we live as soon as possible. The first months have
already passed without even feeling them, with many projects to b e fulfilled for
the faculty studies, with resolute decisions regarding the topic of my Bachelor's
diploma paper, which I am afraid of, but also with some new decisions: I have
realised that I had less and less time for my involvement in the theatrical trou pe
"Bacteria H" in which I have been gladly activating for a year and a half, and
also the fact that the summer of 2020 will be the one in which I shall reap off
the fruits of my efforts as a student in Brașov, the city dear to my heart. Big
plans, are the y not? However, in recent years, I have become accustomed to the
idea that the future may surprise us, in a more or less pleasant way.
And here came the month of March. After the first days during which we have
enjoyed honouring women and mothers and thei r presence in our lives, the
misfortune of the new Corona virus came to Romania, too. It has scared,
confused and frustrated all of us, both the children and adults. The way we were
better able to feel this, each one in his/her own way, we have noticed th e
common aspects which were bothering us these days with so many restrictions:
namely the fact that this situation seems to be coming from nowhere not letting
us understand why and how has it happen, the fact that the restrictions are

preventing us from e njoying the freedom we were used to have, that some of us
are now having more free time and they do not know how to use it and feel
satisfied and all those things which I am not going to detail here about the
darkest side of the society where living from one day to another has became a
more unstable possibility than it already had been.
What scared me the most, and I am sure many others, too, were all those
meaningless pieces of information with negative impact released during the first
phase, meaningless at the moment we were hearing ill -grounded rumours spread
all around as official or verified news, which were hurling even more panic into
my mind.
I considered it rational not to give too much trust to every rumour and to look
for the official sources and to comply with them while I have been noticing the
efforts paid by the authorities to protect us through those measures. Many days
were coming full of changes and of the unknown. And, I had to fight more with
was what was going on in my mind than with the enormous impact of society’s
catastrophe. Those days had been planned; full of projects, but also of walks
through the city or even through other cities in order to change the scenery and
to see my beloved people again as well as of many other entertainme nts that
could delight my soul and mind.
Initially, I thought that all this madness would calm down in a maximum of a
few weeks, but the fact that I had so little information and knew so few aspects,
made me feel that things were not like that and that I would have to give up the
idea of clinging to any plan, and to accept whatever is happening, to wait
somehow more relaxed for the evolution of the situation and be ready for every
step I would have to take. I did not have too much time to think, given th e fact
that I had changed the place where I used to spend my days, from the student’s
hostel, where we were almost disconnected from reality because certain more
important news were not on Internet. I had taken with me just the bare
necessities to the hous e where I had to move, and where I no longer had so
many worries (because the burden is still being carried by my parents) who had
the habit of staying connected to information all the time, following the news
that which were not good.
This physical and m ental turmoil did not last more than a few more days when I
noticed a change in the attitude of the teachers, and particularly in the
educational system regarding the "home school". More than seven years ago,
while in high school, I was writing those imagi native compositions about
"school 50 years after". I imagined a situation in which technology would make
it easier for many of those day’s efforts, and would generate much greater
access for us to information than we had already acquired. But who could ha ve
believed that those times would come at such speed? No one! I am however
glad, that we are somehow managing to adjust to the situation, pretty
cumbersomely and with many differences of opinion, but however, it is a pretty

good step, better than none at all in a situation where there is chaos enough
anyway.
I started to see the willingness of some teachers to use these platforms, some
being already familiar with this idea, others still showing some anxiety about
technology while being pressured by govern mental decisions taken within the
current context. The hard side came when a lot of homework started coming in,
as for just about every course, had been previously met with the requirement of
being physically present at the college. It is stressful even fo r a student who is
already accustomed to organizing his / her own subjects to be responsible for
being able to accumulate the required information for the exams. During this
year, when I am feeling terrified by the work for my license examination, I
honest ly feel that the mental effort and resources that I am using for the many
projects, and also for the bonuses to be granted for doing my homework that
should attest my participation in the video classes, is too much. And all this is
happening because those are the only resources that the university can make
available, which are not enough for an approach which could at least have
maintained the pace we were used to and it makes it a rather difficult for the
students. As usual, in the end, the difficulty and the expectations fall on the
backs of those who have to practically carry out the tasks, as in my case as a
student, as well as in the case of others, those who work in the health system, in
the services for the food market or transportation. There is a m ajor risk
everywhere, but for each one it has a different impact. I could go on with the
little frustrations which are getting worse from day to day, but there is enough
trouble in this world already and very few good things to be seen.
I was looking for t he good side of the situation in order not to give in to those
overwhelming aspects of it and to frustrations. This good side is not too big at a
first glance, but it is useful, because without good there could be no evil and
vice versa. With so many topic s, I did not have much time to think about the
impossible scenarios that could exist, nor to have false hopes for my initial plans
during these difficult months. I found support in those close to me, I found
guidance in the others’ stories, I began listeni ng more and talking less than I
used to, and I really am a talkative person. I felt the need to focus on myself, on
what was going on in my mind and its effect on my activities. It is very difficult
for me to go through this process, especially because my habits are connecting
me to the past, to situations from which I, personally, have nothing to gain, but
just my vanity and pride will probably be feed.
This way, I have understood that the change that year 2020 has in store for me is
of a psychic, emotiona l and spiritual nature. I found support among close
friends, and although I know or have heard very many aspects which I have
stored in my memory, it is very difficult for me to accept them, to start applying
them in order to evolve mentally and spirituall y, because I need to hear them
more often or, from more people, and to think more about them in order to be
able to accept them. Why is it so hard? I am very sure that it is not happening to

me only; it is about the difficulty of changing a point of view, of giving up
vanity and pride for both the social -external good and the personal -internal one.
I started paying more attention to my mind, because it has everything I need to
evolve, but it can also lead me to destruction, if I would adopt habits which
could be harmful for me. I have been thinking for a long time now that it is good
to "take care of myself first, so I can then take care of those around me, too,"
hence the need and natural process of looking at both my social interactions as
well as at my fe elings and thoughts in a more profound and analytical way than
I used to do.
I have noticed and realized that it is very difficult for me to do good deeds and
work on my evolution. I understood, being helped by people and by the current
situation, that di scipline is useful, especially inside my mind, where there is a
real chaos, where I think too much at an idea due to my lack of mental training
and that I cannot focus on the energy and the power to live. Also, I am not able
to emanate energy even for the less energy requiring gestures. I have a strong,
effervescent and dynamic character, and the fact that I preferred to stay at home
consuming this energy only on a mental level, does not help me much. My mind
also needs to put thoughts in order, just as muc h as my body needs to put order
and consistency in my physical activities, and this is a challenge for me.
I understood that the strength to overcome any difficulty and the power to adjust
myself to any situation comes from inside; from the way I see every thing with
my mind. And this is possible only when I start looking inside myself and re –
discover my qualities, which I then I start to deal with, granting them value and
helping myself with them. It is still hard for me to realize how amazing my
mind is, but I realize how much it can help me, especially when I start analyzing
moments of my life which were most often just a struggle for my soul and for
my mind. Now I have all the time in the world to understand what I have to
learn from those life lessons, if I have not done it so far. I have more time to
spend with myself, with my mind, even though I often feel a lack of intimacy.
But the power is still in my mind, here I can also find the intimacy I need, and I
can develop and analyze my experiences and fe elings without anyone else
knowing, criticizing or destroying them.
If I cannot find freedom outside in the environment in which I live, I can find it
in my mind. I still have a lot of work to do with my mind in order to be able to
find peace and balance i n my soul, but inside me, there is a strong feeling that I
have taken the first step on the right road.
I also understood that the pace of the society we live in is so fast that it does not
leave me time enough to have my inner peace, except when I make gr eat
sacrifices and efforts, and probably not even then. And all this haste makes me
feel nothing else but the fact that time is passing and I am growing old without
being able to enjoy the present moment. I have understood that the current
process is based on very simple facts which can bring peace and serenity to
mind and soul, yet, the simpler they are the more they are being buried and

hidden in between the society’s norms. These few principles tell us to learn
what we should learn from the past, to deta ch ourselves from it in a manner
which could allow us to adjust to the present, to live the present moment as best
we can with the body, soul and mind, and not to worry about the future as ling
as we keep in our souls and minds a hope that everything is go ing to be all right.
And I, like any other spiritual human being, find it hard to apply these
principles, and this should not necessarily be someone's fault. The fault is
shared; by the social environment in which we have shaped up, because so little
good can it offer to us, and because people choose to denigrate the good side of
themselves for a momentary illusory pleasure. Parents offer us so much and,
since we do not have our minds trained to help /to do good but rather eager to
fight for our own pleasu res even at the cost of hurting and disappointing people.
It is difficult for me to look inside myself because I live in a society that offers a
lot of information, but a lot of it is negative and focuses on what is outside
(outside being either the enviro nment in which we look for our pleasure, or even
the soul’s “wrapping“, namely the body), but also because of the obstacles set
forth on our way by our very nature as human beings (people who need
interaction from the outside, because they are social bein gs, and people who
hurt, disappoint, and judge everything rather in terms of personal pleasure than
for a good common purpose).
There is so much information around me that I feel that the simple aspects of
finding inner peace is being stifled by too much nonsense in what is being
communicated to us. For certain reasons, we have come to communicate
without knowing anymore how to connect spiritually; we neglect our minds and
souls by favouring illusions. I understood, many years ago, that I can find peace
in the truth that is waiting to be discovered, in the good that I can do, even if this
seems something insignificant to me right now, but it will certainly make more
sense to me someday later.
Reflecting during these difficult days, I have realized that I do not always
remember what I had learned from certain lessons, and that I am sometime
acting giving in to habits that cannot help me adapt when life puts me to the test.
That is why, from time to time, I still need my dear people close to me to protect
me a nd remind me if I may forget something. But it would worth keeping hopes
inside the soul and order in the mind as much as possible. With my mind’s help,
I can become aware of what I am capable of, how am I feeling in different
situations, when am I wrong a nd why am I wrong, how can I fix a mistake and
how can I evolve. And those would be just a few interesting things that I have
started understanding, the ones I need and I should keep.
As for the soul, there are always wounds and there will always be, but, as far as
I am concerned, what I have felt is that some wounds hurt more when they come
in association with others, even if rationally, there should be no connection
among them. I have understood that I am not the only one who suffers, but that
my wounds a re unique, as much as I have my way of feeling and thinking, I

have understood that, in my case, the passage of time and my mental self –
defence mechanisms manages to alleviate the pain from the wounds, but it can
never solve them. But, I can also have the solution, and it comes from my
ability to accept the circumstances in which those wounds have been created
and the fact that all people (even me) are, by their own nature, disappointing and
hurting others. As for the expectations from everything around us , which is also
in the nature of the human beings, I have noticed that I can hurt myself with the
expectations I can raise and projection upon myself and upon others.
Thus, this period of social separation has brought to my attention the need to
understand a little better the inner plan of my mind, which is endless, a miracle
similar to the universe in greatness and power. I will always have something
new to learn about myself as long as I am still alive and live with a purpose. My
spiritual, mental and emo tional evolution (towards which we are less and less
striving for), the care for my soul, mind, body the effort to preserve their
functioning balance can make my life be the most beautiful personal journey
towards the goals I live for and seek to fulfil, s neaking through the norms of
society from which I take what the best I could. This way, I will be able to take
care of myself, so that later I can take care of those around me.

2.2.j-A.D., entrepreneur

The days off came unexpectedly and, after the total disorder that had been
created in my mind and soul I decided to put some order there. So, I decided
that for the days off "granted” to me I should set some tiny goals. I have started
crocheting. My mother has started making a blanket, which I continued by
stetting my goal to make at least three crocheting row a day. During the days
when I do not feel like crocheting or it is a holiday, I have to make up for during
the following day. A row takes about 15 minutes to make. It's a test of patience
and it helps me clear up my mind, because I need a lot of attention and it makes
me creative since the little blanket is beautifully coloured. I try to start my
mornings with some movement and it comes out well at about 80% of the time.
I place my 20 or 40 minutes of exercising on YouTube, I leave my feet bare,
because I really like the feeling of having my feet bare and I unleash myself.
Some mornings I choose Pilates or Yoga, or cardio, depending on my mood.
Any variant gives me a feeling of well -being, I feel physic ally more relaxed and
lighter, and I am mentally satisfied that I have overcome myself. If I do not feel
like doing it I would like to lean on my little mattress and play a video. The
good mood comes to me quickly but gradually because I do not pay much
attention to my lack of mood. When I have more stressful conditions, when I
feel my thoughts flying to unconstructive things, I try to shift my mind away by
doing an activity which, perhaps, I might not feel like doing at all. But I get up
from where I am an d: maybe I put some clothes in the washing machine or take

a lukewarm shower and get dressed or put on a cheerful T -shirt in a bright
colour, which can refresh me when I look at it. I have days or moments, when I
invite my partner for discussion and share the moods or thoughts which I
understand or do not. He will say he understands me and, with some kind of rare
empathy, asks me constructive questions in order to help me unravel more of the
murky waters I am finding myself in. During the day, we build beau tiful
moments together: we cook together, we sit on the terrace in the sun and read,
we hug one other whenever we feel like , show gratitude to each other, eat
popcorn made in the pot and wonder at what else can we read in the press. We
are lucky to live c lose to the forest and we walk about four or seven kilometres
everyday day. We admire the forest, its greenery and the chirping birds and,
from time to time, we hug one tree, imagining how strong and deeply spread
underground the roots which are feeding it are. During this period of time I have
discovered the breathing exercises. They generally calm me down, and in
addition, I have also paid attention to several ways of breathing. One of them,
for example, is to inhale slowly filling my lungs with a lot of air and then, also
slowly, to exhale till I get all air out my lungs with four to eight breaths per
minute. This exercise is very beneficial. You feel the agitation in your head
calming down, and if you do this with your eyes closed, the moment you open
the eyes, you see clearly. It seems like you are genuinely looking at an object or
a context that you have known for a long time but which seems new to you now,
one that you are seeing for the first time. Honestly this is miraculous. I am
alternatively using my above listed concerns and I have chosen them because
they give me a feeling of well -being, because I enjoy them and because I am
flexible. Oh, and I have almost forgotten the most important thing. Morning
coffee is a must. I enjoy my coffee while medit ating on life and looking inside
myself to see how I feel!

2.2.k -A. P. architect
My sanctuary – home.
How have I learned to love myself during the pandemic?

It is Tuesday morning. Or maybe it is Wednesday. I check the calendar and
notice the date of April 29th, 2020, so it is Wednesday morning 9:57 AM.
Another three minutes left and I have to start working. In the same room with
me, Cătălin plays video games on computer, the dog is sleeping peacefully on
the blankets and pillows which are making toge ther an improvised sofa, and the
parakeet makes noise in order to be left to fly freely through the house.
It's cool in the house, but I can’t let myself close the balcony door, as by far
fewer horns and screams are sneaking inside because many people are
compulsorily staying indoors now. I have been living in Militari neighbourhood,

sector 6 of Bucharest, for a year, when Cătălin and I have decided pretty quickly
(in my parents' opinion) to move in together.
Just as quickly, the dog that Cătălin enthusiast ically named Bjorn appeared
(after one of the characters of his favourite TV serials – the Vikings). He has
grown up until a certain moment and then stopped, remaining quite small, to his
disappointment. The gentleman from whom we took it had told us that he would
grow up as he was the result of an adventure between a wolf dog and a
Labrador, but it was looking more as if a stray dog and a corgi have met.
It is gorgeous though, it looks like a blonde fox that has been both our baby and
our shadow througho ut the house for a year now. Cătălin's argument was that he
was giving it to me as my graduation gift, and that it would also be an
indispensable companion, so that I could not feel alone anymore. (I graduated
last summer from the Faculty of Interior Archi tecture of “Ion Mincu”, of the
University of Architecture and Urbanism).
At that time (how funny it sounds, but I feel that a life has passed since that
time), Cătălin was working as a personal trainer with a fitness room in the centre
of Bucharest, withi n the Eroilor area. He had a totally opposite schedule to
mine. I was working at an architecture studio in the Unirii area and I was also
going to college.
At the beginning, the adjustment period was longer for me due to several things
(moving with my fri end, my final year of college, my diploma paper and all the
accompanying emotions and stress, the responsibility for a new being that is
depending on me and my new job). At first, I was opposing to the change a lot.
Now, looking back I have realized that I am a dual person, or that is what I
think, and I like to attribute this characteristic to the zodiac sign under which I
was born, namely Libra. I am not a zealot of the zodiac signs; I do not watch the
horoscope. I am only playfully watching it when I am at home and my mother
is watching the news. However, I strongly believe that there are some
peculiarities which are binding us in groups, depending on the period in which
we came into the world, and this, for me, represents the concept of zodiac signs.
I have always felt that there are two personalities inside me, two different faces
of the same coin, one good and another bad, but which are incredibly
complementing each other and elevating each other. And I sometimes, have the
feeling that I am noticing th eir ongoing fight from the outside, like an onlooker.
On one point of view, I have always wanted a dog, but the moment I received it
I was so way out overwhelmed with the responsibility of truly caring for a living
soul, that I opposed the change and was u nhappy about it. I hated the moments
when I had to clean the mess left behind by the dog in the house, I hated the
hole in our bed mattress gnawed by it, its hair in my food, its barking in the
middle of the night near the door that used to scare me so muc h. I was having
the impression that someone would break into the house (and this was the
reason why I put yet another padlock on the door), and I hated being woken up

in the morning (I have never been a morning person until now, during the
pandemic).
For a period of time, I was focusing solely on the shortcomings and on the fact
that I felt being a little bit sidelined while seeing how well the two of them were
getting along when they were playing, and how easily had Cătălin accepted this
change into his li fe.
Mentally I was going through a roller -coaster of emotions, experiences and
feelings with everything that was happening around, but after a routine check -up
in October, last year, I discovered that I had a condition called autoimmune
hypothyroidism and that many of the conditions and feelings I had, along with
the constant state of exhaustion and lack of concentration were largely caused
by the hormonal imbalance I was going through.
While having my routine check -up, last year, I was feeling the worst so far, both
physically and mentally, being extraordinarily unhappy even though I had
everything. It was a torment for me, the two characters inside me were
continuously fighting, one of them was feeling bad and depressed, and the other
one was judging and r uthlessly arguing like an executioner with the other part of
me, because she was not satisfied with the way her life was looking like.
I was telling to myself “You have everything you want, you have a young man
who loves you, his parents have welcomed you to their family, you have a soul
that can hardly wait for you to come home in the evening so you can play with
it, you see it jump on you, you have parents who love you and who have
offered you everything in their physical strength, a brother who loves yo u,
teachers who love you, the job you wanted, you have also finished college as
integral budget student and so many other things ”. I could not understand where
the problem was.
The problem was that I had failed to love myself, and I was not able to realiz e it,
not even knowing what the meaning of that was. I used to consider myself an
optimistic and positive person, but lately, I had only been noticing the negative
things most of the time. I was thinking that, this way, I could not possibly be
such a nice company for the people around me.
The forced isolation generated by the pandemic was for me a blessing in
disguise. I am aware of how weird this may sound. Extremely many lives have
been lost, people have lost their jobs, and our habits and way of living h ave been
changed overnight, without warning.
But in the midst of this chaos, I have found myself. In the midst of this chaos,
the two beings inside me shook hands, reconciled and decided to try as hard as
they could to learn to coexist, for better or for w orse, in order to avoid
destroying me.
I have always been attentive to the blessings in my life and I am praying every
day and thank God for everything I have. But somehow I have never been so
fully aware before. I am a human being who finds it difficult t o embrace
changes simply because I can no longer be in control, and not out of the fear of

evolution or getting out of the comfort zone. I have always challenged myself to
want more, to do more, to reach higher, but at the same time, the other half of
me h as been petrified at the thought of exposing myself to something unknown,
about the possibility of falling into ridicule, and about the ignorance of what
might follow.
That was probably why I had accepted Bjorn's presence in my life so hard.
Because I felt it was restricting my freedom and I would never be able to travel
as freely and easily as before, because we would have no one to care for it while
we were gone. The moment I gave up opposing, I discovered that there were so
many ways to include it in our travels, so many accommodations which would
accept pets, trains as well, and that it was all possible. There were solutions.
The moment you give up resisting, you find solutions and that is what I have
discovered. At first, I did not like the apartment we were living in at all. I was
missing my bright single room in Dristor, which was all furnished with clean
white furniture from Ikea, was well maintained, and where my white office was
perfectly fitting in (an object dear to my heart – this being the first object bought
with the money from my first salary), my hearty friend, with which I spent so
many nights and days. I was missing the proximity of the IOR Park, and the
greenery alongside the tram lines. Somehow, it was my favourite neighbourhood
out of eve rything I had been experiencing in Bucharest during the four years till
that moment.
Now we are living on the other side of Bucharest, on a kind of border line (if I
look on the window of our living room I can see how the buildings vanish and
the deposits on the Cascade Valley show up. I have accepted to live here and to
continue to live here for a period of time until we could have afforded to move
elsewhere, as I was thinking shortly before the quarantine had started. Now a
year after we have moved into t his apartment, we have seen a lot of
improvements around us.
They have renewed the sidewalks, eliminated the cars parked all around,
created green spaces, took care of the trees, even a green patch has appeared
around the trees in front of our main stairc ase, and everything is looking much
better now.
I was walking the dog some days ago and I have noticed all those improvements
through the filter of the morning sunlight and I felt as I was back in the Dristor
neighbourhood. I returned home and I happily to ld Cătălin about all those and I
thought that, after we would be allowed to go out, I would spend more time
walking around the neighbourhood, or through the two small parks across the
road. I imagine I would take a blanket with me, a bottle of water or tea or
something good to drink, and a sketchbook and I would do my drawing outside
during the weekends.
Another thing I am looking forward to is to go to my grandmother’s home and
sit in the sun in her mountain garden that seemed like a huge realm to me when I
was visiting her as a child. I want to go home and cook all my favourite sweets

with my mother. She is the only one who knows how to make them and the
results are great. I have also tried to make an apple pie in her company on a
video call during the we ekend and I felt her like being next to me. I am glad
there are such facilities.
I wish to go by car with my father and all my relatives to breathe the fresh air in
Brașov or to Sinaia for those cheesecakes called “papanasi”. My father is
currently in Germ any and it will be a while before he can came home for good.
And I know all those are going to happen, I just have to be patient, something I
have been working on since we are staying home.
I am proud and amazed at the calm with which I am now writing thes e lines. I
have learned a lot during these almost two months of being with my family and
myself and at home. At the beginning of the pandemic, I was happy to work
from home because my daily commute to the office was stealing from me two
hours a day on the road, and then, as the situation worsened, I began panicking
and rejecting the change.
I had panic attacks in my sleep, I had insomnia, nightmares (I had already been
having those for several years), I was afraid of our financial insecurity, I was
thinkin g at ways by which I could do extra work in order to be able to
compensate for my salary, I was afraid for my father, I was crying every day for
two weeks thinking at him and at the fact that he was alone there. Actually, he
was not really alone, but he di d not have us there. I thought at what I would
have done if I were in his situation? I was tired, sad, nervous, irritated, irritable,
and depressed. During the first two weeks, I just wanted to sleep, do nothing and
did not want to go out. However, with m y job, as I was working for private
interior design projects, I had already been spending quite a lot of time in
indoors; so that my need to go out was not a problem. At least that was easy. I
was arguing with Cătălin because he was talking too loud when I had to work, I
cried when I found that my working hours as well as my salary would be
reduced and I was afraid that we would not be able to pay our bills and the
house rent and that each of us would have to return to his/her own previous
home. I thought a bout who would take care Bjorn as long as my mother was
having a hydatid cyst on her liver and she was not allowed to be around dogs,
or otherwise the cyst would get activated and she should undergo surgery. I
thought to my grandparents, to Catalin's par ents, to everyone on this Earth who
had lost someone and I cried for them. I read the story of a woman from Italy
who had lost her mother and husband and I cried. I cried till I was exhausted. I
tried to watch the news and, once again, I had panic attacks in my dreams. I
looked at every object around me and saw them contaminated. I thought it
would be physically impossible for me to disinfect everything and I tried to get
rid of this paranoia. I tried to watch the news once again and I was sick.
Then slowly , slowly I began accepting it, although I was not realising it from the
beginning. I started drawing, which had always been like a therapy for me. I
drew on my electronic tablet, made sketches, painted in watercolours, got my

hands dirty, got my desk dirty , and by painting for the first time in five years I
forgot for a moment about the quarantine, the virus, and about everything. I
came across the pandemic diary from “Decat o Revista” (Just a Magazine) and I
was no longer afraid of watching the news. And t hat was when I realized I
wanted to know more. About what was happening, about me, about the mind
power, and about architecture. So, I started to surround myself with activities. I
subscribed to the interior design newsletters from my favourite publishing
houses in order to see every day the things I may be able to achieve. I cleaned
up the house, my e -mail folder, the books and magazines, I rubbed the floors,
the stove, and I washed more dishes than I had ever washed. We were sharing
our responsibilities. Cătălin became the chef, and I was the head of the cleaning
department in our house. I was reading, listening to audio books, looking at
people’s paintings trying to learn from them, resumed my lessons of French,
took the decision to enlist myself for a doctorate degree, to do sports, and to eat
three meals a day. I have found solutions. I started reading psychology and
participating in webinars about awareness.
Now, I do not only see restrictions, I see all the possibilities, and I am happy.
Happy for ev erything I have and happy because I do not feel the need for
anything else. I do not want clothes, maybe just a yoga mattress that does not
slide on the floor, but I am very happy with my current one, too. Now I am
waking voluntarily up a t 7 o’clock in the morning, and find that I have so many
things to do at home.
I no longer hear the quarrels among the two entities inside me. I hear silence.
My head is no longer whirling with thoughts, fear and panic. It is quiet. In our
closed circuit habitat, I am happy. Happy to feel the dog curling at my feet, and
warming me up at night. Or to see its happy face, when it comes from outside.
In the middle of the pandemic, Cătălin has managed to get job interviews and to
give evidence for the positions . I am holding my fists tight until he gets an
answer.
Our parents are healthy, we are all fine. My beloved people are fine. I know not
everything is all right in the world, but I have been reborn during this period of
time, and finally, I feel I am alive.
You do not really need much to be happy in life. You just have to accept the
changes coming to you and not to be afraid to let yourself be carried away by
them.

Annexes
2.1.b – R., student, at the end of a long oncological treatment

2.1.f-A. A. , musician, she has just concluded a cancer treatment

2.2.b S.C., retired

2.2.f-G.L., architect

2.2.k -A. P. architect

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